Happiness is a curious thing. Sometimes, seemingly mysterious things can make us feel happy, and sometimes entirely unexpected things make us feel sad. The problem is that happiness plays a big part in the fulfillment we feel with our lives and our day-to-day activities as a whole. When happiness feels out of our reach and out of our control, we can be left feeling listless, unsatisfied, and questioning in life.
Fortunately for us, just as many things can cause happiness as sadness. If we know what makes us happy, it’s possible to harness these happy feelings to work towards making our lives better and more fulfilling! In this guide, we’ll be preparing you for a life of happiness, guided by the knowledge of how best to capture it for yourself.
What Is Happiness?
Most of us know what happiness is on a primal level. When we spend time with family, receive things that we want, or succeed in something, we feel happy. In most cases, it comes to us naturally through the different things we do. Happiness isn’t always just happiness, after all; happiness comes to us in the form many different emotions, such as:
- Love
- Comfort
- Satisfaction
- Achievement
- Gratitude
- Pride
- Joy
However, it’s important not to confuse the above emotions with happiness. Happiness is brought by the above things, as well as others. Different emotions bring more or less happiness for different people, too. While some people might gain significant satisfaction from practicing gratitude, giving thanks, and giving back, others might experience more satisfaction from working hard and achieving something important to them.
While happiness comes to most of us through the natural course of events, this isn’t the case for everyone. Sometimes, if our lives become too monotonous, it can feel like all the happiness has been sucked out of them. Some people are born in less fortunate conditions and have trouble finding happiness on their own. While happiness is common, it is in no way a given.
As such, if we want to maintain happiness in our lives, sometimes we have to look for it. Regardless of what our current circumstances are, whether they’re good or bad, a change can sometimes be necessary. It’s not difficult to work towards bringing happiness into our lives; most times, our hearts can tell us where to go. However, what we need to do to reach that happiness can differ.
When our lives feel “good,” we often feel happy. When our lives feel like they’re lacking something, that’s when we start to feel like we’re missing that happiness in our lives. As such, it might be easier to define what happiness isn’t in some situations than to define what it is.
What Happiness Is Not
Happiness can occasionally be difficult to identify. To make up for that, we can try picking out what happiness isn’t instead. After all, it’s easy to tell when we’re not happy, but happiness can range on a scale from bittersweet to pure happiness. This can make it challenging to identify what kind of happiness we need, what we’re experiencing, and what we desire.
Happiness Is Not Constant
Happiness can be a fleeting, fickle emotion at the best of times. Sometimes, it can feel like the strangest things make us feel happy, and things that usually make us happy can sometimes lose their charm or even make us sad. The nature of happiness is confusing, but it usually adheres to some specific guidelines. For example, happiness is never, ever constant.
Happiness is cyclical, or perhaps more of a wave-form. It comes in fits and spurts, stays with us for a while, then leaves again. This is completely normal; after all, just as there can be no light without darkness, happiness would mean nothing without other, less pleasant emotions to compare it to.
As such, it’s naïve to think that any of us can keep happiness around forever. We can do whatever is in our power to keep happiness around, yes, but it will eventually pass or fade temporarily. This isn’t to say that it won’t come back, as it usually does, but if you expect to be able to develop a life devoid of unhappy emotions altogether, you may need to change your perceptions.
Happiness Isn’t Always “Feeling Good”
While we tend to be happy when we feel good, we don’t necessarily need to feel good to be happy. We can be exhausted, worn-out, and even in pain, but still happy because we feel accomplished from putting time and effort into something. In the same way, we can feel happy while simultaneously feeling other things, like sadness.
Consider a person who has had to put their dog to sleep after a long struggle with a disease or other health concern. While the owner is likely sad that their companion is gone, they may be healthy that the dog is no longer suffering. This strange contradiction of feelings is relatively standard.
Think about what makes your life worth living. Is it being in love with your partner or caring for someone else close to you? Is it helping others who are less fortunate, or perhaps leaving your mark on history? When we feel like our lives are worth living, we generally feel happy and accomplished. We are less likely to feel truly happy if we don’t like where our lives are heading, even if we’re under the influence of artificial stimulants.
It’s not difficult to find something that makes your life worth living. If you haven’t identified something already, your heart can likely tell you where to go. However, if you’re feeling a bit lost, consider the following:
- Volunteering
- Donating to a good cause
- Finding your dream job
- Finding love
- Helping someone in need
Believe it or not, constant happiness can actually be damaging for your overall happiness over time. A stable, even mindset is generally happier and more peaceful than one that experiences frequent ups and downs, even if they experience greater highs than the other.
Money Won’t Buy Happiness
You have probably heard the phrase “money doesn’t buy happiness” before. In a lot of ways, the phrase is true, but not in the strictest sense of the word. Money can, indeed, buy happiness, but it may not be able to do so long-term.
Money usually buys temporary happiness. When you come into some extra money, you will likely feel happy because your finances are more stable or you can afford some extravagant purchases. However, one of two scenarios will happen afterward: either the money will run out, or you will grow accustomed to your new standards of living.
Money can bring us happiness, and especially if we’re careful to use our money wisely and remember to be thankful for what we have. However, improving your living conditions is unlikely to substantially increase your happiness in the long-term.
There Is No Finish Line
Happiness is an eternal, constant struggle. At some point in our lives, we will need to fight for our happiness. At other times, happiness will feel like it comes to us naturally and without effort. This is part of the cyclical nature of happiness, and it’s completely normal. In fact, happiness should be this way. When we have times of struggle and hardship, it makes us appreciate our happier times all the more.
However, this means that there’s no “finish line” when it comes to happiness. There’s nothing we can do or achieve to guarantee happiness for the rest of our lives. It comes down to the work you’re willing to put in and the good, happiness-promoting habits you develop for yourself, not just a one-time action.
Happiness never “arrives” on a certain day. Your life might get easier, but you won’t attain guaranteed, lasting happiness even if you win the lottery. If you’re looking to develop lasting, reliable happiness in yourself, you will need to build habits that promote and support that. Try activities like:
- Keeping a gratefulness journal
- Exercising for at least seven minutes per day
- Getting more sleep
- Planning a vacation
- Meditating
Happiness and Needs
The easiest way to pin down what makes us happy is to take a deep look at what we need and want. While defining what exactly we want right now is usually quite easy, the trouble with this is that our wants can change drastically over our lifetime – as they should. As we grow and our situations change, it’s important that we continue to define our needs and wants.
If we did not have changing wants and needs over the course of our lifetimes, we would quickly become bored or sad. While some people do hold onto certain goals or dreams for the duration of their lives, happiness cannot be built on a single goal alone. Instead, the everyday happiness that we feel when our life is good is caused by many different factors.
Consider the things you want on any given day. You might have a lifetime goal that shapes the general direction of your life, like building your own business, and you might have a goal for this year, like buying a house. You might even have smaller wants for today and this week, like cleaning the house or going grocery shopping.
These goals, wants, and needs are closely tied to your happiness. When we feel like we’re not getting what we want, we can handle it for a while. However, when we feel like we’re going without our basic human needs, unhappiness begins to set in quickly. Even a lack of fulfilled wants can start to bother us if enough time passes, although how much time depends on the individual.
This conundrum is made even more confusing when we consider how happiness is expressed. Happiness is an emotion that is both felt and shown. However, the two are not mutually inclusive. This means that we don’t necessarily have to look happy when we feel happy, and vice versa.
Theories of Happiness
There are two main happiness “theories” that most models of happiness fall into. These are as follows:
- Hedonic happiness: the idea that happiness is the presence of pleasure and the lack of pain in addition to satisfaction with one’s life
- Eudaimonic happiness: the idea that happiness involves reaching one’s full potential and pursuing one’s decided purpose
Clearly, the two ideas above are very different. However, both theories have merit, and both of them apply to us in different ways. The beauty of having more than one model of happiness is that some models will fit some people better than others. You should focus on whichever model speaks to you more, or you can follow both if you so desire.
There are more theories than the two main ones that we listed above. However, if we listed them all, there would be no room for anything else in this article! Despite their differences, all of the theories surrounding happiness generally agree on several points. These are:
- Happiness can come from many different sources
- People prefer to be happy
- It is good to be happy
- The pursuit of pleasure alone does not guarantee happiness
- Our genetic predisposition to happiness differs from individual to individual
- Happiness is neither permanent nor impermanent
Learning Happiness
Not all of us find the pursuit of true happiness to be easy. Those of us who are predisposed to feel less happy may find it difficult to get a good grasp on our own personal happiness. However, part of the beauty of the human mind and body is that it can be trained. If it’s hard for you to experience happiness on your own, all it takes is a little practice to start improving things.
The degree of which you can increase your own happiness varies, however. If you’re a very happy person already, it might not be necessary to increase your happiness much at all. However, if your baseline level of satisfaction is relatively low, you might benefit much more from “learning” happiness.
Several different areas are confirmed sources of happiness; you could even call them “happiness hot zones” or something similar. If you’re looking to feel happier as a person, these zones are excellent places to start. Some of them include things like:
- Income level
- Morals and values
- Bodily health
- Social relationships
- Relationships with family
One thing ties all of these zones together: how much they affect your everyday life. Each of the above points is tied to a basic human need. Your income level, for example, determines the quality of the food you eat, the place you sleep, and how much you work. It also determines your access to your personal wants. Your social and familial relationships are directly tied to the human need for companionship.
If you’re looking to train yourself towards experiencing greater happiness, address the areas we pointed out above first. Some of them are not easy or quick to address, such as family and income level, but any effort you invest will be paid back to you over time, so the time and effort are worth it.
Why Is Happiness Important?
Happiness, as we’ve said, is a strange thing. Happiness isn’t necessarily a requirement for us to live successful lives, and in the same way, happiness isn’t always a goal for people, either, regardless of how happy they naturally feel. However, happiness is actually a bit of a trojan horse when it comes to importance; it’s easily brushed off as unnecessary or expendable, and its benefits are just as often overlooked.
Success
On the whole, happier people tend to be more successful. This doesn’t just mean in a business setting, either – happy people do better in love, finances, and friendship, too. How do we link success to happiness? In theory, it’s relatively simple. When someone is happy, they’re more likely to make sound decisions, identify unwise choices, and accept new opportunities.
Think about the last time you felt unhappy and exhausted at work. You probably just wanted to finish up and go home, right? If an opportunity to do something extra came your way, you would probably do everything you could to refuse. However, a happy person might feel good enough to accept this opportunity. Even if it doesn’t feel like doing extra work will benefit you in the moment, it can often come back to benefit you later in unexpected ways.
As far as success goes, it’s all about your mindset. Those who are actively happy are more receptive to success than those who are unhappy. Unhappy people aren’t interested in putting in the extra effort that success often requires.
Health
Most of us know the negative effects that stress can have on the body. It makes sense, then, that happy people tend to be healthier overall. Healthy people also tend to get sick less, experience fewer symptoms when they do get sick, and live longer and healthier lives.
The healthiness-happiness duality is fundamental because just as happiness helps keep us healthy, healthiness can make us happy, too. Both qualities benefit one another. Studies have shown that people who enjoy living and are happy with their lives retain more physical ability as they age, regardless of things like economic factors, age, and lifestyle.
What’s more, unhappy people were 80% more likely to develop physical impairments than those who were happy. That’s a big difference in healthiness. In the same way, though, lower health is linked to lower happiness. While this creates a compounding effect when we’re happy, it also has the same effect when we’re sad. It can be doubly hard to get out a slump when we’re both unhappy and unhealthy.
However, this does keep it relatively simple for us. If you’re looking to be happier and healthier, all you need to do is work on your happiness and your health. You can work on your happiness by practicing uplifting activities every day, and while you may not be able to rid yourself of a chronic condition, there are many little things you can do every day to make yourself healthier. Consider trying things like:
- Eating better, healthier foods
- Getting enough sleep
- Adding multivitamins to your diet
- Exercising every day
- Making new friends
Relationships
We have all most likely met someone who’s just not nice to talk to over the course of our lives. When we meet someone who’s unhappy, complains about their life, and just seems generally impossible to cheer up, carrying on a conversation with them can feel like pulling teeth. In the same way, talking with someone who’s upbeat, friendly, and happy is also contagious. It makes us happy when we talk to them.
The way we feel affects how we come off to others in the same way. If we’re happy people, we attract other like-minded happy individuals to us. However, if we’re unhappy, we either repel people or attract other unhappy people to us. Neither situation is desirable. This is the basis of why happy people are so much more successful in relationships than unhappy people are.
We want to be around happy people, and we don’t want to be around unhappy people. It’s as simple as that. As such, if we want to attract the types of people that will make good friends, we need to work on ourselves first. If you turn yourself into a happy person who’s enjoyable to be around, you will attract the same types of people to you. This is a self-perpetuating cycle, since being around these people will continue to make you happier, too.
Productivity
Just as stress can affect our health, it can negatively affect our work performance, too. When we’re worried about something at work, it impacts both the quality of our work and the pace at which we can get things done. When we’re stressed at work, we’re not always doing our best.
Of course, it’s not always possible to eliminate all of our stress. However, a healthy, happy individual will be able to handle their stress much better than an unhappy, unhealthy person would. In the same way, a little bit of stress at work can actually be beneficial to us; the pressure of a deadline or a big client helps us to do our best work, and it helps us do it quickly.
When you already have a lot of stress in your life, it’s tough to deal with extra stress piling up on top of what already exists. This is why it’s so much better to start with as little stress as possible. This way, the stress you get from your job works to motivate you instead of stress you out. Happiness and a bright, grateful outlook are what make this possible.
The Science of Happiness
Believe it or not, happiness has a science to it. If we take the time to learn about ourselves, our minds, and our personalities, we can crack the code to creating happiness in ourselves. However, the unfortunate reality of this all is that humans are terrible at predicting what will make us happy.
Common things on the list of what people think will make them happier are material possessions, achievements, and other things that produce a short-term high. In the same way, we tend to put way too much emphasis on what will make us unhappy.
A lot of times, something we’re dreading or something that’s causing us anxiety really isn’t as big of a deal as we make it out to be. It might be unpleasant, but that unpleasantness will pass quickly, and we make it a lot worse by worrying about it too much beforehand.
We also tend to set expectations for ourselves that can be much too high. Unsurprisingly, the key to reaching your goals (and the feeling of accomplishment that comes with it) is setting achievable, reachable goals. You can’t just say to yourself, “After I get this promotion, I’ll be so much happier.” That promotion will definitely provide you with a temporary happiness boost, but there’s no guarantee that it will power the rest of your life.
Instead, the key here is to consider what you can do right now to make yourself feel happier. Can you exercise just a bit more than you do already? Can you cut one unhealthy snack per day and replace it with a healthy one? Can you bring a sandwich to work instead of buying fast food to save yourself a bit of money? If you do enough little things that will definitely make a difference in your life, they will build up to create a profound effect.
There is no “one true path” to happiness. There’s never just one thing you can do to guarantee happiness until the day you die. Instead, it’s all about investing our efforts in maintaining happiness day after day by stoking it with small things.
Imagine, then, that your happiness is a fire. If you try to light an enormous log with a match, you’re not going to get anywhere. However, if you stuff that log with small kindling first, your fire will eventually burn bright and strong.