Going to work is probably one of the most boring routines most people hate of doing. However, it’s a huge part of life because without it, we simply wouldn’t be able to feed ourselves and our family. Instead of being grumpy about it, why not just laugh about it? Here are our collection of inspirational, wise, and funny work quotes that will surely help you get through the day. Keep calm and stay happy!
Funny Work Quotes
1. Doing nothing is very hard to do you never know when you’re finished. – Leslie Nielsen
2. Greatness doesn’t come from taking a lean-back approach to career planning. Get out in front of opportunity and it will come to you. – Jocelyn K. Glei
3. If you think your boss is stupid, remember, you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter. – John Gotti
4. People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do. – Elbert Hubbard
5. Anybody, somebody or nobody is ever going to make your life any more than you are willing to do for yourself. So, stop looking around for anybody to do something for you; instead, get your own body going and get it done now. – Byron Pulsifer
6. I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend than be one. – Clarence Darrow
7. It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you. – Dwight D. Eisenhower
8. Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. – George Carlin
9. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance. – Edgar Bergen
10. Do your work with your whole heart, and you will succeed there’s so little competition. – Elbert Hubbard
11. Television is not real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. – Bill Gates
12. Delegate your work. Stop spending dollar time on penny jobs. – Mary Kay Ash
13. An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field. – Leo Durocher
14. Every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s drama, repeat these words, not my circus, not my monkeys. – Polish Proverb
15. I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego. – Ellen DeGeneres
16. Ideas are like slippery fish. They seem to have a peculiar knack of getting away from us. Because of this, the creative person always has a pad and a pencil handy. – Earl Nightingale
17. My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.
18. If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock. – Claude McDonald
19. The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen. – Sarah Brown
20. You don’t get paid for the hour. You get paid for the value you bring to the hour. – Jim Rohn
21. Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done. – Sam Ewing
22. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. – Oscar Wilde
23. You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic. – Zig Ziglar
24. It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous. – Robert Benchley
25. The human brain is special. It starts working as soon as you get up and it doesn’t stop until you get to school. – Milton Berle
26. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. – Bill Gates
27. I will always choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.
28. When work feels overwhelming, remember that you’re going to die.
29. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. – Erma Bombeck
30. Oh, you hate your job, why didn’t you say so. There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar. – Drew Carey
31. I like work, it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. – Jerome K. Jerome
32. It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job, it’s a depression when you lose yours. – Harry S. Truman
33. When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him, whose? – Don Marquis
34. Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you’re finished. – Leslie Nielsen
35. What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public, ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public. – Vilhjalmur Stefansson
36. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. – Steven Wright
37. A consultant is a man who knows 157 ways to make love but doesn’t know any women.
38. Work is much more fun than fun. – Noel Coward
39. When we’re unemployed, we’re called lazy, when the whites are unemployed it’s called a depression. – Jesse Jackson
40. I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. – Les Dawson
41. Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get. – Ray Kroc
42. A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. – Fred Allen
43. In modern business it is not the crook who is to be feared most, it is the
44. A leader is best when people barely know he exists, not so good when people obey and acclaim him, worse when they despise him. But of a good leader who talks little when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say, we did it ourselves. – Lao-Tzu
45. Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. – George Burns
46. The first thing a new employee should do on the job is to learn to recognize his boss’ voice on the phone. – Martin Buxbaum
47. If you don’t know what to do with many of the papers piled on your desk, stick a dozen colleagues initials on them and pass them along. When in doubt, route. – Malcolm S. Forbes
48. Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he’s supposed to be doing at that moment. – Robert Benchley
49. I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.
50. Getting paid to sleep that’s my dream job.
51. Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell them, certainly, I can. Then get busy and find out how to do it. -Theodore Roosevelt
52. The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form. – Stanley J. Randall
53. As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Payday, lunchtime, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and of course retirement. – Tom Goins
54. If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play, Z is keep your mouth shut. -Albert Einstein
55. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet. They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. -Homer Simpson
56. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be “meetings. – Dave Barry
57. There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it? – Kin Hubbard
58. There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting. – David Letterman
59. If you find what you do each day seems to have no link to any higher purpose, you probably want to rethink what you’re doing. – Ronald Heifetz
60. What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
61. The only goal you can’t accomplish is the one that you don’t go after. – Vilis Ozols
62. Every new day is another chance to change your life.
63. The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show us how badly we want something. – Randy Pausch
64. Women, in particular, need to keep an eye on their physical and mental health, because if we’re scurrying to and from appointments and errands, we don’t have a lot of time to take care of ourselves. We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own to do list. – Michelle Obama
65. Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep. – Scott Adams
66. An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. – William Castle
67. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. – Phyllis Diller
68. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. – Carl Zwanzig
69. Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant. – Scott Adams
70. Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want. – Tori Filler
71. Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid. – Phil Pastoret
72. The easiest job in the world has to be a coroner. Surgery on dead people. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse. – Dennis Miller
73. Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment. – Robert Benchley
74. I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren’t any rules, how could you break them. – Leo Durocher
75. I’m short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own. – Woody Allen
76. If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
77. If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings. – Dave Barry
78. Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are lazy to their employers. – Proverbs 10:26
79. Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done. – Sam Ewing
80. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin
81. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. – Betty Reese
82. Work is the curse of the drinking classes. – Oscar Wilde
83. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
84. A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure. – Henry Kissinger
85. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
86. Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese. – Billie Burke
87. Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is. – Jeffrey Gitomer
88. Every tattoo is temporary because we’re all slowly dying.
89. I am an early bird and a night owl so I am wise and I have worms. – Michael Scott
90. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
91. A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory. – Mark Twain
92. Always remember that you are unique just like everybody else.
93. Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. – Charles Schulz
94. Friendship is like peeing on yourself, everyone can see it, but only you get a warm feeling that it brings. – Robert Bloch
95. I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. – Oscar Wilde
96. If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. – Steven Wright
97. It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous. – Robert Benchley
98. Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, I’m possible. – Audrey Hepburn
99. The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. – Terry Pratchett
100. When I hear somebody sigh, life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, compared to what. – Sydney Harris
101. You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?. – Steven Wright
102. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. – Steve Martin
103. Bad decisions make good stories. – Ellis Vidler
104. Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.
105. Happiness is just sadness that hasn’t happened yet.
106. I cannot afford to waste my time making money. – Louis Agassiz
107. If the world didn’t suck we’d all fly into space.
108. Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it. – Dwight D. Eisenhower
109. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. – Thomas Edison
110. The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time. – Joe Girard
111. Think like a proton. Always positive.
112. You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. – Jack London
113. A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
114. Be happy it drives people crazy.
115. Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes. – Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
116. Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. – Franklin P. Jones
117. I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. – Benjamin Franklin
118. If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck. – Elvis Presley
119. Life is like a sewer what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. – Tom Lehrer
120. People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing that’s why we recommend it daily. – Zig Ziglar
121. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
122. Too much of a good thing can be wonderful. – Mae West
123. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. – Cathy Guisewite
124. You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself. – Sam Levenson
125. A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction. – Justin Sewell
126. Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. – Will Rogers
127. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin
128. I have a simple philosophy, fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches. – Alice Roosevelt Longworth
129. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. – Betty Reese
130. Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night. – Jason Love
131. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. – Winnie the Pooh
132. The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me. – Ayn Rand
133. Trying is the first step toward failure. – Homer Simpson
134. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. – Marilyn Monroe
135. You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it. – Robin Williams
136. There cannot be a stressful crisis next week. My schedule is already full. – Henry Kissinger
137. If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.
138. By working faithfully 8 hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day. – Robert Frost
139. If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where I can return Mondays. – John Wagner
140. The best part about going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
141. Mondays are the start of the workweek which offers new beginnings 52 times a year. – David Dweck
142. Some days, the best thing about the job is that the chair spins.
143. I stress about stress before there’s even stress to stress about.
144. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. – Robert Orben
145. I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
146. If you had to identify in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be meetings. – Dave Barry
147. I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. – Jennifer Yane
148. I’ve tried yoga, but I find stress less boring.
149. Stress does not go with my outfit.
150. Stressed is dessert spelled backward. – Loretta Laroche
151. Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.
152. What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork. – Pearl Bailey
153. No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early. – Groucho Max
154. Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar. – Drew Carey
155. Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
156. You do not lead by hitting people over the head that’s assault, not leadership. – Dwight Eisenhower
157. This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.
158. My fondest childhood memory is not having to spend 40 hours a week with people who make me feel angry and tired so that I can afford to buy paper towels and laundry detergent.
159. I was a little excited but mostly blorft. Blorft is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.’ I have been blorft every day for the past seven years. – Tina Fey
160. Sleep is such a luxury, which I can’t afford. – Robin Sikarwar
161. The most important reason for your ‘no’ is that you need your downtime so you won’t behave like a jerk because you’re depleted. And you don’t want to battle an appetite spiked by the stress of over commitment. But that’s your secret, others don’t need that information. So just smile, say no, thank you, and keep moving. – Holly Mosier
162. Where’d the days ago, when all we did was play, and the stress that we were under wasn’t stress at all just a run and a jump into a harmless fall. – Paolo Nutini
163. Stress level, extreme. It’s like she was a jar with the lid screwed on too tight, and inside the jar were pickles, angry pickles, and they were fermenting, and about to explode. – Fiona Wood
164. It was after I first began to uplift my thoughts a bit that my cravings for junk food started to dissipate. I did not connect the two at that time. First, I simply noticed that I didn’t need to sleep so much. It took a while before I realized that in addition to my improved energy level, there was a direct correlation between chewing on mental garbage and putting garbage in my mouth. – Holly Mosier
165. Sometimes we can focus so much on nothing that we make it a big something of nothing. – Ricky Maye
166. Now, for the first time in my life, I empathize 100 percent with Fluff McFly. My heart is beating at hamster-speed and I am throwing my eyes around the room, looking for some way out. – Robin Sloan
167. Being under stress is like being stranded in a body of water. If you panic, it will cause you to flail around so that the water rushes into your lungs and creates further distress. Yet, by calmly collecting yourself and using controlled breathing you remain afloat with ease. – Hutchinson
168. The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage, management. – Scott Adams
169. Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats. – Howard Aiken
170. The first thing a new employee should do on the job is to learn to recognize his boss’ voice on the phone. – Martin Buxbaum
171. Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. -Napoleon Bonaparte
172. A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him. – David Brinkley
173. First rule of leadership: everything is your fault.
174. A leader must have the courage to act against an expert’s advice. – James Callaghan
175. Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. – Winston Churchill
176. Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor. – John Ciardi
177. Get the right people on the bus and in the right seat. – Jim Collins