200 Funny Motivational Quotes and Sayings

They say, “laughter is the best medicine.” But you may also consider laughter as a good motivator. So feel free to tickle your motivation with a funny twist with these 200 funny motivational quotes.

Funny Motivational Quotes

1. The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time. – Joe Girard

2. People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing that’s why we recommend it daily. – Zig Ziglar

3. Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing ’til it gets there. – Josh Billings

4. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. – Kyle Chandler

5. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. – Will Rogers

6. I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess. – Cassandra Duffy

7. Goal setting is similar to traveling from point A to point B within a city. If you clearly understand what the goal is, you will definitely reach the destination because you know its address. – Thomas Abreu

8. Without ambition one starts nothing. Without work, one finishes nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

9. I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka and have a party. – Ron White

10. The only time I don’t have any problems in this world is when I am already six feet below the ground. – James Jason

11. Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times. – Helen Rowland

12. Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost. – Martina Navratilova

13. My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far, I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. – Dave Barry

14. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. – Mark Twain

15. I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches. – Alice Roosevelt Longworth

16. You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. – Woody Allen

17. It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare. – Lisa Lieberman-Wang

18. I figured something out. The future is unpredictable. – John Green

19. Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try! – Dr. Seuss

20. I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. – Thomas A. Edison

Funny Motivational Quotes

21. Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes. – Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target. – Ashleigh Brilliant

23. Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. – Bill Vaughan

24. Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. – Bob Thaves

25. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it. – Clarence Darrow

26. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. – Dalai Lama

27. Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. – Dale Carnegie

28. Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know. – Daniel J. Boorstin

29. A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future. – Denis Waitley

30. I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection. – Drake

31. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. – Emo Philips

32. We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience. – George Bernard Shaw

33. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? – George Carlin

34. To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States. – George W. Bush

35. If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. – Henny Youngman

36. You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try.’ – Homer Simpson

37. My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition. – Indira Gandhi

38. Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money. – Jackie Mason

39. Why is there so much month left at the end of the money? – John Barrymore

40. The road to success is always under construction. – Lily Tomlin

Funny Motivational Quotes

41. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. – Matt Groening

42. My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. – Milton Berle

43. It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it. – Navjot Singh Sidhu

44. It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance? – Ronald Reagan

45. Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it. – Salvador Dali

46. You cannot be anything if you want to be everything. – Solomon Schechter

47. It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose! – Steven Weinberg

48. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. – Steven Wright

49. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. – W. C. Fields

50. If you come to a fork in the road, take it. – Yogi Berra

51. Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished – If you’re alive it isn’t. – Richard Bach

52. Good things come to those who wait… greater things come to those who get off their ass and do anything to make it happen. – Unknown

53. Sometimes life knocks you [down]… get up, get up, get up!!! Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them. – Steve Maraboli

54. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. – A.A. Milne

55. Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost, and you see a path then by all means you should follow that. – Ellen DeGeneres

56. It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous. – Robert Benchley

57. Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent. – Langston Coleman

58. When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’ – Sydney Harris

59. If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big. – Donald Trump

60. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. – Steve Martin

61. There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. – Henry Kissinger

62. Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter. – James A. Garfield

63. I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. – Douglas Adams

64. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. – Jules Renard

65. I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. – David Lee Roth

66. I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them. – Phyllis Diller

67. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. – Don Marquis

68. It’s a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. – W. Somerset Maugham

69. When you have failed at being nice, you’ve actually succeeded in being mean. Success is everywhere if you know where to look for it. – Katina Ferguson

70. Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back. – Harvey Mackay

71. Complaining about a problem without posing a solution is called whining. – Theodore Roosevelt

72. If the plan doesn’t work change the plan but never the goal.

73. Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, ‘I’m not going to make it’, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you’ve felt that way. – Charles Bukowski

74. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. – Ann Bradford

Funny Motivational Quotes

75. It takes nothing to join the crowd. It takes everything to stand alone. – Hans F. Hansen

76. Not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path.

77. Don’t trip over what is behind you.

78. To conquer frustration, one must remain intensely focused on the outcome, not the obstacles. – T.F. Hodge

79. People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full are missing the point. The glass is refillable.

80. Sometimes the most scenic roads in life are the detours you didn’t mean to take. – Angela N. Blount

81. Sorry, I can’t go to work tomorrow I fractured my motivation.

82. Everything is hard before it is easy. – Goethe

83. The problem is not the problem; the problem is your attitude about the problem. – Captain Jack Sparrow

84. Work until expensive becomes cheap.

85. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for like 8 years, you can believe in yourself for like 5 minutes.

86. When something goes wrong in your life, just yell, “Plot twist!” and move on.

87. Success is falling nine times and getting up ten. – Jon Bon Jovi

88. Tomorrow will be a new chapter in my life. This book is getting very interesting.

89. Don’t be sad, because sad backward is das, and das not good.

90. Mistakes are expected, respected, and corrected.

91. To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. – Reba McEntire

92. By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. – Robert Frost

93. Bad decisions make good stories. – Ellis Vidler

94. The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me. – Ayn Rand

95. New Year’s resolutions work like this: you think of something you enjoy doing and then resolve to stop doing it. – Charlie Brooker

96. You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you hang out with the turkeys. – Joel Osteen

97. Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor. – Truman Capote

98. It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. – Harry S. Truman

99. Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. – Albert Einstein

100. Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha. – Robert Brault

101. Don’t wait for a light to appear at the end of the tunnel, stride down there and light the bloody thing yourself. – Sara Henderson

Funny Motivational Quotes

102. If you hit the target every time it’s too near or too big. – Tom Hirshfield

103. Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” – Audrey Hepburn

104. Think like a proton. Always positive. – Unknown

105. A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction. – Justin Sewell

106. Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. – Will Rogers

107. Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night. – Jason Love

108. You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it. – Robin Williams

109. You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? – Steven Wright

110. Money won’t make you happy … but everybody wants to find out for themselves. – Zig Ziglar

111. When nothing goes right… go left.

112. Don’t be upset by the results you didn’t get with the work you didn’t do.

113. Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm. – Winston Churchill

114. I’m too busy working on my own grass to notice if yours is greener.

115. These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb. – Najwa Zebian

116. No matter how long you have traveled in the wrong direction, you can always turn around.

117. The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It’s about what you’re made of, not the circumstances. – Mel Robbins

118. Just because you took longer than others, doesn’t mean you failed. Remember that.

119. The harder you work, the luckier you get. – Gary Player

120. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win.

121. There are two rules for success: 1. Never reveal everything you know. – Roger H. Lincoln

122. Ironing boards are surfboards that gave up their dreams and got a boring job. Don’t be an ironing board.

123. Every time you quit, someone else gets your prize. Every time you make a mistake, you get closer to yours. – Robert Kiyosaki

124. Mirror Mirror on the wall, I’ll always get up after I fall and whether I run walk or have to crawl, I’ll set my goals and achieve them all.

125. Today i will do what others won’t so tomorrow i can do what others can’t. – Jerry Rice

126. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up, and never give up.

127. Falling down is an accident. Staying down is a choice. – Rosemary Nonny Knight

128. Wake up beauty, it’s time to beast!

129. Stop cheating on your future with your past. It’s over.

130. Life is short. Take the trip. Buy the shoes. Eat the cake.

131. Don’t carry your mistakes around with you. Instead, place them under your feet and use them as stepping stones to rise above them.

132. It’s lonely at the top. That’s why a Bugatti has 2 seats and a bus has 50.

133. When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherfuckers like Stevie wonder with a lightsaber.

134. One foot in the street & another in the milky way. – Patti Smith

135. Sometimes deciding who you are is deciding who you’ll never be again.

136. Don’t believe every worried thought you have. Worried thoughts are notoriously inaccurate. – Renee Jain

137. They said to dress for the job you want. So I walked in dressed better than the boss.

138. I won’t quit but I will cuss the whole time.

Funny Motivational Quotes

139. Expecting things to change without putting in any effort is like waiting for a ship at the airport.

140. Be stronger than your excuses.

141. You don’t get what you wish for; you get what you work for. – Daniel Milstein

142. Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use. – Charles Schulz

143. DECIDE what it is you really want to do in this world, the one thing that, 150 years from now, will still cause people to exclaim, ‘He was here, he did something AMAZING.’ And then grab some Tostitos and go watch ESPN. That’s enough self-delusional bullshit for one day. – Buster Guru

144. Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn’t spend half our time wishing. – Alexander Woollcott

145. I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. – William Mauldin

146. To do is to be. – Descartes
To be is to do. – Voltaire
Do be do be do. – Frank Sinatra

147. If you reach for a star, you might not get one. But you won’t come up with a hand full of mud either. – Leo Burnett

148. When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. – Franklin Roosevelt

149. Give me a stock clerk with a goal, and I will give you someone who will make history. Give me someone without a goal, and I will give you a stock clerk. – J.C. Penny

150. If your capacity to acquire has outstripped your capacity to enjoy, you are on the way to the scrap-heap. – Glen Buck

151. Interest without activity is similar to having a vehicle that is out of gas – it won’t take you anyplace. – Eimantas Gabalis

152. Without the will or desire to achieve one is like flotsam on the oceans of time. – Steven Redhead

153. You can’t shine like a diamond, if you not willing to get cut like a diamond! – Eric Thomas

154. It is a common delusion that you can make things better by talking about them. – Rose MacAulay

155. The reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have come. – Nicky Gumbel

156. You can practice shooting 8 hours a day, but if your technique is wrong, then all you become is very good at shooting the wrong way. – Michael Jordan

157. Quality is more than important than quantity. One home run is much better than two doubles. – Steve Jobs

158. . . . I ask people if an elephant has ever bitten them. Most of the time people say no. But everyone has been bitten by a mosquito. It’s the little things that get us. – David DeNotaris

159. Procrastination is an art form that is less desirable than painting a detailed landscape using a three inch wide brush. – Byron Pulsifer

160. Aerodynamically the bumblebee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn’t know that so it goes on flying anyway. – Mary Kay

161. A business like an automobile, has to be driven, in order to get results. – BC Forbes

162. You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. – Rabindranath Tagore

163. Without a plan of action to put how a dream is envisioned to play out is like pouring out of picture of water on the ground and expecting it to stay in on the surface of the ground. – Catherine Pulsifer

164. Do not hold to what you have. It is like a ferry boat for people who want to get across waters. Once you have got across, never bear it on your back. You should head forward. – Bruce Lee

165. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. – Maya Angelou

166. They are ill discoverers that think there is no land when they see nothing but sea. – Francis Bacon

167. It is sad to grow old but nice to ripen. – Brigitte Bardot

168. How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not for more than sixty years gotten enough to eat and escaped being eaten? – Logan Pearsall Smith

169. Today’s opportunities erase yesterday’s failures. – Gene Brown

170. One fails forward toward success. – Charles Kettering

171. Chasing success is like trying to squeeze a handful of water. The tighter you squeeze, the less water you get. When you chase it, your life becomes the chase, and you become a victim of always wanting more. – Wayne W. Dyer

172. Folks die to easy – they sort of fade away; Make a little error, and give up in dismay. – Mabel E. Bailey

173. Happen to things, don’t let things happen to you. – Stephen Covey

174. Establishing goals is all right if you don’t let them deprive you of interesting detours. – Doug Larsen

175. You want to be a millionaire. But your values system says you believe in sleep more than grinding! – Eric Thomas

176. Build on what makes you different from your competition. . . You need to be the red tree in the forest. – Nick Maley

177. Life is a hurdle race, the winner has to cross all the hurdles and still maintain enthusiasm. – M.K. Soni

178. It’s always too early to quit. – Norman Vincent Peale

179. Why hoard your troubles? They have no market value, so just throw them away. – Ann Schade

180. The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score. – Bill Copeland

181. Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbour’s roof when your own doorstep is unclean. – Confucius

182. I don’t want problems solved for me. I want the fishing rod, not the fish. – Yanni

183. A funny thing happens when we start keeping promises to ourselves – we become unstoppable. – Ken Fite

184. The only difference between try and triumph is a little umph.

185. A winner is a loser who never gave up.

186. When life rains on your parade, bring out the slip ‘n’ slide.

Funny Motivational Quotes

187. Do not ask God to guide your footsteps, if you’re not willing to move your feet.

188. Get out of your comfort zone. Wake up the sleeping giant in you. – Dr T.P.Chia

189. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step. – Martin Luther King

190. Espresso may not be the answer but it’s worth a shot.

191. Unless you puke, faint or die, keep going! – Jillian Michaels

192. The quality of your sleep depends on the quality of your day. – Deepak Chopra

193. I already know what giving up feels like. I want to see what happens if I don’t. – Neila Ray

194. I train to be the best in the world on my worst day. – Ronda Rousey

195. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. – Mark Twain

196. The reason so few people are successful is no one has yet found a way for someone to sit down and slide uphill. – W. Clement Stone

197. If at first you don’t succeed, think how many people you’ve made happy. – H. Duane Black

198. You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself. – Ethel Barrymore

199. Some people walk in the rain. Others just get wet. – Roger Miller

200. Don’t be afraid to fail; it’s proof you’ll soon be successful. – Barbara Corcoran

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