199 Funny Inspirational Quotes and Sayings

During tough times, we can rely on inspiring words to make us feel better. And another way to make us feel good is to laugh all our worries away. So feel free to be inspired as you laugh with these 199 funny inspirational quotes.

Funny Inspirational Quotes

1. You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. – Jack London

2. Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. – Tom Lehrer

3. Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia. – Charles Schulz

4. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. – Steven Wright

5. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. – A. A. Milne

6. The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. – Abraham Lincoln

7. Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. – Benjamin Franklin

8. Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. – Bernard Baruch

9. The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. – Bertrand Russell

10. Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. – Bill Vaughan

11. Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! – Billy Connolly

12. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. – Bryan White

13. If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes. – Chuck Palahniuk

14. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it. – Clarence Darrow

15. Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it. – Cullen Hightower

16. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. – Dalai Lama

17. Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. – Dale Carnegie

18. Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know. – Daniel J. Boorstin

19. Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television. – David Letterman

20. A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future. – Denis Waitley

Funny Inspirational Quotes

21. The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. – Dorothy Parker

22. To err is human; to admit it, superhuman. – Doug Larson

23. Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. – Douglas Adams

24. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. – Earl Wilson

25. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. – Elbert Hubbard

26. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. – Emo Philips

27. Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art. – F. Scott Fitzgerald

28. You’re only as good as your last haircut. – Fran Lebowitz

29. Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. – Francois de La Rochefoucauld

30. We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience. – George Bernard Shaw

31. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. – George Burns

32. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? – George Carlin

33. Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop. – Gertrude Stein

34. If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. – Groucho Marx

35. Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times. – Helen Rowland

36. All men are equal before fish. – Herbert Hoover

37. You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try.’ – Homer Simpson

38. My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition. – Indira Gandhi

39. I’d rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort. – J. Paul Getty

40. Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money. – Jackie Mason

41. Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there’s nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don’t have the money to buy both. – Janet Evanovich

42. Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’? – Jay Leno

43. Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories. – Jessica Simpson

44. Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. – Joan Collins

45. Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. – John Hughes

46. Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid. – John Wayne

47. The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large. – Josh Billings

48. The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. – Kin Hubbard

49. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin

50. Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. – M. Scott Peck

51. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. – Margaret Mead

Funny Inspirational Quotes

52. I am only human, although I regret it. – Mark Twain

53. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. – Matt Groening

54. It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it. – Navjot Singh Sidhu

55. Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much. – Oscar Wilde

56. I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly. – Peter Cook

57. I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

58. Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it. – Salvador Dali

59. It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose! – Steven Weinberg

60. I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. – Thomas A. Edison

61. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. – W. C. Fields

62. We are all here on earth to help others. What on earth the others are here for I don’t know. – W. H. Auden

63. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. – Will Rogers

64. Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. – Anthony Burgess

65. Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that. – Ellen DeGeneres

66. We can see a thousand miracles around us every day. What is more supernatural than an egg yolk turning into a chicken? – Rutherford Platt

67. Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats. – Voltaire

68. Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers. – Eoin Colfer

69. Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny – Did you ever try buying them without money? – Ogden Nash

70. Money won’t make you happy … but everybody wants to find out for themselves. – Zig Ziglar

71. When something goes wrong in your life just yell ‘PLOT TWIST’, and move on. – Molly Weis

Funny Inspirational Quotes

72. There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through… There needs to be a monster truck option. – Jeph Jacques

73. Aspire to inspire before we expire. – Eugene Bell, Jr.

74. Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them. – Unknown

75. Too much of a good thing can be wonderful. – Mae West

76. You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself. – Sam Levenson

77. You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it. – Robin Williams

78. What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. – Yiddish Proverb

79. If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much. – Jim Rohn

80. Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.- Billie Burke

81. If at first you don’t succeed, think how many people you’ve made happy. – H. Duane Black

82. Bravery is the ability to look fear and hurt in the face and say, ‘move aside, you are in the way’. – Melissa Tumino

83. To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

84. The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for. – Maureen Dowd

85. The key to success is not through achievement, but through enthusiasm. – Malcolm Forbes

86. I cannot afford to waste my time making money. – Louis Agassiz

87. When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best – that is inspiration. – Robert Bresson

88. Hope is the dream of a waking man. – Aristotle

89. It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question. – Eugène Ionesco Découvertes

90. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

91. Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent. – Langston Coleman

92. To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. – Reba McEntire

93. A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. – Charles Gordy

94. The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me. – Ayn Rand

95. Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” – Audrey Hepburn

96. You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you hang out with the turkeys. – Joel Osteen

97. Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor. – Truman Capote

98. To learn to succeed, you must first learn to fail. – Michael Jordan

99. You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. – Eleanor Roosevelt

100. Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right. – Henry Ford

101. I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. – Bill Cosby

102. Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out. – John Wooden

103. The difference between try to triumph is a little “umph.”

Funny Inspirational Quotes

104. Instead of just following your dreams, chase them as if they will never return.

105. ‘I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored.’ – Louis C.K.

106. A lot of people think the whole purpose of life is just to collect stuff. You’ve seen the bumper sticker: ‘He who dies with the most toys, wins.’ The truth is, ‘He who dies with the most toys … still dies!’ – Rick Warren

107. Try walking forward while looking over your shoulder and see how far you get. The same goes for life. Look forward! – Martin Henderson

108. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. – Kyle Chandler

109. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. – Mark Twain

110. You can’t expect to meet the challenges of today with yesterday’s tools and expect to be in business tomorrow. – Raina Chapman

111. If you go to bed at night and think about your day and you haven’t laughed very much, then you must jump out of bed and go do something fun. – Marlo Morgan

112. If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now. – Marie Osmond

113. There are no traffic jams along the extra mile. – Roger Staubach

114. There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want. – Bill Watterson

115. If you end up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it. – Frank Zappa

116. You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go. – Dr. Seuss

117. There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do. – Amy Poehler

118. My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened. – Montaigne

119. Life only delivers to people that create their own postal code. – Jelani Daniel

120. Eliminating procrastination from our lives is like trying to stop a moving train; it’s not easy. – Joseph R. Ferrari

121. Chairs were created because someone, somewhere, wanted to solve a big problem: sitting on rocks causes sore bottoms. – Bill Burnett

122. An old dog can learn new tricks. If your enthusiasm has lost its vitality, do everything possible to revive it. – Don McArt

123. When you pray be careful of how you respond to what you get. I read somewhere that if you pray for rain. . . don’t complain about the mud! – Hyacinth Mottley

Funny Inspirational Quotes

124. The successful know that the road to success is always under construction; they understand the roughness of it and never expected it to be smooth. – Hernert O Nobleman

125. So, if you feel a smile begin, don’t leave it undetected, let’s start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected! – Russel H. Conwell

126. Our snooze button does not have the power to delay the sun from rising in the morning. Time simply does not wait for anyone. – Ted Robbins

127. A boat doesn’t go forward if each is rowing his own way. – African Proverb

128. A concentrated mind will pierce a rock. – Japanese proverb

129. What matters is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight of the dog. – Coach Bear Bryant

130. Time, indeed, is a sacred gift, and each day is a little life. – John Lubbock

131. If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. – Abigail Van Buren

132. Too often we visit the well of divine abundance with a teacup instead of a bucket. – Elinor MacDonald

133. We didn’t lose the game, we just ran out of time. – Vince Lombardi

134. Complain a lot and people will hear you but not listen. – Catherine Pulsifer

135. Life is an error-making and an error-correcting process. – Jonas Salk

136. Life is short. Eat dessert first. – Jacques Torres

137. Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire? – Corrie Ten Boom

138. People will sit up and take notice of you if you will sit up and take notice of what makes them sit up and take notice. – Frank Romer

139. Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once. – Woody Allen

140. Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries. – Everett McKinley Dirksen

141. Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much. – Oscar Wilde

142. Beauty isn’t worth thinking about; what’s important is your mind. You don’t want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. – Garrison Keillor

143. For some strange reason, no matter where I go, the place is always called “here”. – Ashleigh Brilliant

144. He who laughs, lasts. – Mary Pettibone Poole

145. If you rest, you rust. – Helen Hayes

146. It’s better to live one day as a lion, than a hundred as a sheep. – Benito Mussollini

147. My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything – even if you have no clue what you’re doing. – Jessica Alba

148. Never make the same mistake twice or you’ll never get around to all of them. – Author Unknown

149. Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. – Author Unknown

150. Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. – Charles Bukowski

151. The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t. – Henry Ward Beecher

152. The nicest thing about quotes is that they give us a nodding acquaintance with the originator which is often socially impressive. – Kenneth Williams

153. The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post. – Thomas Holcroft

154. To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error. – Janet Coleman

155. When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So, what the hell, leap! – Cynthia Heimel

156. Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. – Oprah Winfrey

157. Don’t wait for a light to appear at the end of the tunnel, stride down there and light the bloody thing yourself. – Sara Henderson

158. Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you’re alive, it isn’t. – Richard Bach

159. Some people walk in the rain. Others just get wet. – Roger Miller

160. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance. – Martha Graham

161. The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. – Steve Jobs

162. You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing. – Henry Louis Mencken

163. I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong. – Charles M. Schulz

164. Sometimes you succeed…. and other times you learn. – Robert Kiyosaki

165. All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. – Erma Bombeck

166. Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside. – Katherine Gaskin

167. Warning, Humor may be hazardous to your illness. – Ellie Katz

168. Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain. – Sherrilyn Kenyon

169. It’s kind of fun to do the impossible. – Walt Disney

170. Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there. – Josh Billings

171. I don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom. – George S. Patton

172. Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched. – Mindy Kaling

173. If life gives you lemons, make apple juice and make people wonder how the hell you did it. – Gurbaksh Chahal

Funny Inspirational Quotes

174. Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out. – James Bryant Conant

175. Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. – Confucius

176. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. – Robert Bloch

177. Don’t mind your make-up, you’d better make your mind up. – Frank Zappa

178. A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them. – Elbert Hubbard

179. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. – Steven Wright

180. If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style. – Quentin Crisp

181. Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions; go over, under, through, and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t. Who cares? Do your thing, and don’t care if they like it. – Tina Fey

182. Even I don’t know what you’re doing, and I know everything. – Karen Marie Moning

183. When you’re out of will power you call on stubbornness, that’s the trick. – Henri Matisse

184. You’re at your best when you don’t know what you’re doing. – Paul Stanley

185. When you’re riding, only the race in which you’re riding is important. – Bill Shoemaker

186. Just because something doesn’t do what you planned it to do doesn’t mean it’s useless. – Thomas A. Edison

187. If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough. – Phyllis Diller

188. Good things come to those who initiate. – Susan RoAne

189. Talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller skates. There’s plenty of movement, but you never know if it’s going to be forward, backwards, or sideways. – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

190. I’m an idealist. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way. – Carl Sandburg

191. Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable. – Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

192. Life is like the stock market. Some days you’re up. Some days you’re down. And some days you feel like something the bull left behind. – Paula Wall

193. If we threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back. – Regina Brett

194. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? – Edgar Bergen

195. Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice. – Wayne Dyer

196. The lunatic fringe wags the underdog. – H. L. Mencken

197. You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. – Franklin P. Adams

198. Stop worrying, nobody gets out of this world alive. – Clive James

199. You should bring something into the world that wasn’t in the world before. It doesn’t matter what that is. It doesn’t matter if it’s a table or a film or gardening-everyone should create. You should do something, then sit back and say ‘I did that.’ – Ricky Gervais

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