During tough times, we can rely on inspiring words to make us feel better. And another way to make us feel good is to laugh all our worries away. So feel free to be inspired as you laugh with these 199 funny inspirational quotes.
Funny Inspirational Quotes
1. You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. – Jack London
2. Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. – Tom Lehrer
3. Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia. – Charles Schulz
4. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. – Steven Wright
5. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. – A. A. Milne
6. The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. – Abraham Lincoln
7. Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away. – Benjamin Franklin
8. Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. – Bernard Baruch
9. The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper. – Bertrand Russell
10. Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. – Bill Vaughan
11. Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! – Billy Connolly
12. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. – Bryan White
13. If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes. – Chuck Palahniuk
14. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it. – Clarence Darrow
15. Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it. – Cullen Hightower
16. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. – Dalai Lama
17. Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. – Dale Carnegie
18. Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know. – Daniel J. Boorstin
19. Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television. – David Letterman
20. A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future. – Denis Waitley
21. The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. – Dorothy Parker
22. To err is human; to admit it, superhuman. – Doug Larson
23. Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. – Douglas Adams
24. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. – Earl Wilson
25. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. – Elbert Hubbard
26. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. – Emo Philips
27. Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art. – F. Scott Fitzgerald
28. You’re only as good as your last haircut. – Fran Lebowitz
29. Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. – Francois de La Rochefoucauld
30. We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience. – George Bernard Shaw
31. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. – George Burns
32. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? – George Carlin
33. Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop. – Gertrude Stein
34. If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you. – Groucho Marx
35. Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times. – Helen Rowland
36. All men are equal before fish. – Herbert Hoover
37. You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try.’ – Homer Simpson
38. My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition. – Indira Gandhi
39. I’d rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort. – J. Paul Getty
40. Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money. – Jackie Mason
41. Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there’s nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don’t have the money to buy both. – Janet Evanovich
42. Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’? – Jay Leno
43. Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories. – Jessica Simpson
44. Age is just a number. It’s totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine. – Joan Collins
45. Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. – John Hughes
46. Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid. – John Wayne
47. The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large. – Josh Billings
48. The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. – Kin Hubbard
49. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin
50. Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. – M. Scott Peck
51. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. – Margaret Mead
52. I am only human, although I regret it. – Mark Twain
53. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. – Matt Groening
54. It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it. – Navjot Singh Sidhu
55. Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much. – Oscar Wilde
56. I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly. – Peter Cook
57. I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. – Ralph Waldo Emerson
58. Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it. – Salvador Dali
59. It does not matter whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose! – Steven Weinberg
60. I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. – Thomas A. Edison
61. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. – W. C. Fields
62. We are all here on earth to help others. What on earth the others are here for I don’t know. – W. H. Auden
63. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. – Will Rogers
64. Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. – Anthony Burgess
65. Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that. – Ellen DeGeneres
66. We can see a thousand miracles around us every day. What is more supernatural than an egg yolk turning into a chicken? – Rutherford Platt
67. Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats. – Voltaire
68. Dreams come true all the time, just not for the dreamers. – Eoin Colfer
69. Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny – Did you ever try buying them without money? – Ogden Nash
70. Money won’t make you happy … but everybody wants to find out for themselves. – Zig Ziglar
71. When something goes wrong in your life just yell ‘PLOT TWIST’, and move on. – Molly Weis
72. There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through… There needs to be a monster truck option. – Jeph Jacques
73. Aspire to inspire before we expire. – Eugene Bell, Jr.
74. Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them. – Unknown
75. Too much of a good thing can be wonderful. – Mae West
76. You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself. – Sam Levenson
77. You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it. – Robin Williams
78. What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. – Yiddish Proverb
79. If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much. – Jim Rohn
80. Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.- Billie Burke
81. If at first you don’t succeed, think how many people you’ve made happy. – H. Duane Black
82. Bravery is the ability to look fear and hurt in the face and say, ‘move aside, you are in the way’. – Melissa Tumino
83. To think is easy. To act is hard. But the hardest thing in the world is to act in accordance with your thinking. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
84. The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for. – Maureen Dowd
85. The key to success is not through achievement, but through enthusiasm. – Malcolm Forbes
86. I cannot afford to waste my time making money. – Louis Agassiz
87. When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best – that is inspiration. – Robert Bresson
88. Hope is the dream of a waking man. – Aristotle
89. It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question. – Eugène Ionesco Découvertes
90. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
91. Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent. – Langston Coleman
92. To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. – Reba McEntire
93. A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. – Charles Gordy
94. The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me. – Ayn Rand
95. Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m possible!” – Audrey Hepburn
96. You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you hang out with the turkeys. – Joel Osteen
97. Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor. – Truman Capote
98. To learn to succeed, you must first learn to fail. – Michael Jordan
99. You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. – Eleanor Roosevelt
100. Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right. – Henry Ford
101. I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. – Bill Cosby
102. Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out. – John Wooden
103. The difference between try to triumph is a little “umph.”
104. Instead of just following your dreams, chase them as if they will never return.
105. ‘I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored.’ – Louis C.K.
106. A lot of people think the whole purpose of life is just to collect stuff. You’ve seen the bumper sticker: ‘He who dies with the most toys, wins.’ The truth is, ‘He who dies with the most toys … still dies!’ – Rick Warren
107. Try walking forward while looking over your shoulder and see how far you get. The same goes for life. Look forward! – Martin Henderson
108. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. – Kyle Chandler
109. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. – Mark Twain
110. You can’t expect to meet the challenges of today with yesterday’s tools and expect to be in business tomorrow. – Raina Chapman
111. If you go to bed at night and think about your day and you haven’t laughed very much, then you must jump out of bed and go do something fun. – Marlo Morgan
112. If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now. – Marie Osmond
113. There are no traffic jams along the extra mile. – Roger Staubach
114. There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want. – Bill Watterson
115. If you end up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it. – Frank Zappa
116. You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go. – Dr. Seuss
117. There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do. – Amy Poehler
118. My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened. – Montaigne
119. Life only delivers to people that create their own postal code. – Jelani Daniel
120. Eliminating procrastination from our lives is like trying to stop a moving train; it’s not easy. – Joseph R. Ferrari
121. Chairs were created because someone, somewhere, wanted to solve a big problem: sitting on rocks causes sore bottoms. – Bill Burnett
122. An old dog can learn new tricks. If your enthusiasm has lost its vitality, do everything possible to revive it. – Don McArt
123. When you pray be careful of how you respond to what you get. I read somewhere that if you pray for rain. . . don’t complain about the mud! – Hyacinth Mottley
124. The successful know that the road to success is always under construction; they understand the roughness of it and never expected it to be smooth. – Hernert O Nobleman
125. So, if you feel a smile begin, don’t leave it undetected, let’s start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected! – Russel H. Conwell
126. Our snooze button does not have the power to delay the sun from rising in the morning. Time simply does not wait for anyone. – Ted Robbins
127. A boat doesn’t go forward if each is rowing his own way. – African Proverb
128. A concentrated mind will pierce a rock. – Japanese proverb
129. What matters is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight of the dog. – Coach Bear Bryant
130. Time, indeed, is a sacred gift, and each day is a little life. – John Lubbock
131. If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. – Abigail Van Buren
132. Too often we visit the well of divine abundance with a teacup instead of a bucket. – Elinor MacDonald
133. We didn’t lose the game, we just ran out of time. – Vince Lombardi
134. Complain a lot and people will hear you but not listen. – Catherine Pulsifer
135. Life is an error-making and an error-correcting process. – Jonas Salk
136. Life is short. Eat dessert first. – Jacques Torres
137. Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire? – Corrie Ten Boom
138. People will sit up and take notice of you if you will sit up and take notice of what makes them sit up and take notice. – Frank Romer
139. Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once. – Woody Allen
140. Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries. – Everett McKinley Dirksen
141. Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much. – Oscar Wilde
142. Beauty isn’t worth thinking about; what’s important is your mind. You don’t want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. – Garrison Keillor
143. For some strange reason, no matter where I go, the place is always called “here”. – Ashleigh Brilliant
144. He who laughs, lasts. – Mary Pettibone Poole
145. If you rest, you rust. – Helen Hayes
146. It’s better to live one day as a lion, than a hundred as a sheep. – Benito Mussollini
147. My theory is that if you look confident you can pull off anything – even if you have no clue what you’re doing. – Jessica Alba
148. Never make the same mistake twice or you’ll never get around to all of them. – Author Unknown
149. Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. – Author Unknown
150. Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. – Charles Bukowski
151. The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t. – Henry Ward Beecher
152. The nicest thing about quotes is that they give us a nodding acquaintance with the originator which is often socially impressive. – Kenneth Williams
153. The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post. – Thomas Holcroft
154. To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error. – Janet Coleman
155. When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So, what the hell, leap! – Cynthia Heimel
156. Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. – Oprah Winfrey
157. Don’t wait for a light to appear at the end of the tunnel, stride down there and light the bloody thing yourself. – Sara Henderson
158. Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you’re alive, it isn’t. – Richard Bach
159. Some people walk in the rain. Others just get wet. – Roger Miller
160. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance. – Martha Graham
161. The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. – Steve Jobs
162. You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing. – Henry Louis Mencken
163. I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong. – Charles M. Schulz
164. Sometimes you succeed…. and other times you learn. – Robert Kiyosaki
165. All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. – Erma Bombeck
166. Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside. – Katherine Gaskin
167. Warning, Humor may be hazardous to your illness. – Ellie Katz
168. Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain. – Sherrilyn Kenyon
169. It’s kind of fun to do the impossible. – Walt Disney
170. Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there. – Josh Billings
171. I don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom. – George S. Patton
172. Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched. – Mindy Kaling
173. If life gives you lemons, make apple juice and make people wonder how the hell you did it. – Gurbaksh Chahal
174. Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out. – James Bryant Conant
175. Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. – Confucius
176. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. – Robert Bloch
177. Don’t mind your make-up, you’d better make your mind up. – Frank Zappa
178. A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them. – Elbert Hubbard
179. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. – Steven Wright
180. If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style. – Quentin Crisp
181. Don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions; go over, under, through, and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t. Who cares? Do your thing, and don’t care if they like it. – Tina Fey
182. Even I don’t know what you’re doing, and I know everything. – Karen Marie Moning
183. When you’re out of will power you call on stubbornness, that’s the trick. – Henri Matisse
184. You’re at your best when you don’t know what you’re doing. – Paul Stanley
185. When you’re riding, only the race in which you’re riding is important. – Bill Shoemaker
186. Just because something doesn’t do what you planned it to do doesn’t mean it’s useless. – Thomas A. Edison
187. If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough. – Phyllis Diller
188. Good things come to those who initiate. – Susan RoAne
189. Talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller skates. There’s plenty of movement, but you never know if it’s going to be forward, backwards, or sideways. – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
190. I’m an idealist. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way. – Carl Sandburg
191. Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable. – Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
192. Life is like the stock market. Some days you’re up. Some days you’re down. And some days you feel like something the bull left behind. – Paula Wall
193. If we threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back. – Regina Brett
194. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? – Edgar Bergen
195. Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice. – Wayne Dyer
196. The lunatic fringe wags the underdog. – H. L. Mencken
197. You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. – Franklin P. Adams
198. Stop worrying, nobody gets out of this world alive. – Clive James
199. You should bring something into the world that wasn’t in the world before. It doesn’t matter what that is. It doesn’t matter if it’s a table or a film or gardening-everyone should create. You should do something, then sit back and say ‘I did that.’ – Ricky Gervais
