162 Funny Morning Quotes and Sayings

What better way to start your day right but receive or send funny morning quotes to your friends and loved ones. These quotes are sure to put a smile on your face and lighten up your mood as you prepare yourself to face the challenges of the day. If you want to share good vibes to your friends and family, you can copy any of these funny morning quotes we have put together for you. Enjoy!

Funny Morning Quotes

1. Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon. – Tony Smite

2. Every morning is a battle between the superego and the id, and I am a mere foot soldier with mud and a snooze button on her shield. – Catherynne Valente

3. Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. – Robert Orben

4. Every morning brings new potential, but if you dwell on the misfortunes of the day before, you tend to overlook tremendous opportunities. – Harvey Mackay

5. I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. – Winston Churchill

6. Good morning is a contradiction of terms. – Jim Davis

7. I was gonna take over the world this moring but I overslept. Postponed. Again. – Suburban Men

8. It is a good morning exercise for a research scientist to discard a pet hypothesis every day before breakfast. It keeps him young. – Konrad Lorenz

9. My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.     

10. Every single day I wake up and make up my mind that I am going to work really hard. Then my mind laughs at me and says “Good joke”. Then we laugh for some more time and I go back to bed. – Gehenna Toss

11. Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button. – Punit Ghadge

12. Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day. – Glen Cook

13. I want to live my life in such a way that when I get out of bed in the morning, the devil says, “Oh shit. He’s up.” – Steve Maraboli

14. There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up. – Kristen Chandler

15. What irritates me most of all about these morning people is their horribly good temper, as if they have been up for three hours and already conquered France. – Timur Vermes

16. When reality and your dreams collide, typically it’s just your alarm clock going off. – Crystal Woods

17. So far as I know, anything worth hearing is not usually uttered at seven o’clock in the morning; and if it is, it will generally be repeated at a more reasonable hour for a larger and more wakeful audience. – Moss Hart

18. I love the early hours of the day. It’s a nice place to visit but I wouldn’t want to live there. – James Lileks

19. It sounds plausible enough tonight, but wait until tomorrow. Wait for the common sense of the morning. – H.G. Wells

20. She says you’re not awake until you’re actually out of bed and standing up. – Richelle Mead

21. Some mornings I just feel like breaking the damn alarm but then one thing always stops me. I paid hundreds of dollars to buy my phone.” – Job Might

22. Twinkle twinkle sleepy star, wake up now it’s the 11th hour, up above the world so high, the sun has risen in the sky. – Mickey Nice

23. Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore. – Rachel Caine

24. Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one… only if morning began after noon. – Tony Smite

25. I have always disliked the morning, it is too responsible a time, with the daylight demanding that it be ‘faced’ and (usually when I wake for I wake late) with the sun already up and in charge of the world, with little hope of anyone usurping or challenging its authority. A shot of light in the face of a poor waking human being and another slave limbs wounded into the light-occupied territory. – Janet Frame

26. I woke up in the morning; lay in my bed waiting until my mom will prepare the breakfast. And suddenly I remember that I’m the mom.

27. Morning is an important time of day because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have. – Lemony Snicket

28. Love is blind. Especially in the morning, because I can’t see a damn thing before having coffee. – Aleksandra Ninkovic

29. It’s a gray morning. A roll-over-and-snuggle-deeper-in-the-covers morning. – Kate Messner

30. Luckily, today has been cancelled. Go back to bed.

31. Men all do about the same thing when they wake up. – John Steinbeck

32. Lena’s hair was sticking out in about fifteen directions, and her eyes were all small and puffy from crying. So this was what girls looked like in the morning. I had never seen one, not up close. – Kami Garcia

33. Sunrise is starting to feel like a guilt trip. – Kris Kidd

34. One of the few times in a man’s life when he is not full of shit? The morning of a colonoscopy. Enough said. – Jim Lawrence

35. I wish I had a brush that could paint the whole sky and turn every morning into night. – Akshay Vasu

Funny Morning Quotes


36. Morning will come, it has no choice. – Marty Rubin

37. I need to get up – my coffee needs me.

38. In the morning I woke like a sloth in the fog. – Leslie Connor

39. Morning not only forgives, it forgets. – Marty Rubin

40. A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don’t later fray. – Marcia Carrington

41. Some people wake up fast. Some people wake up slow. I wake up dead. – John Marsden

42. There is nowhere morning does not go. – Leah Hager Cohen

43. You knows dat in New Orleans is not morning ’til dee sun come up. – Tom Robbins

44. It is only in the morning that one should marry, read unfavorable reviews, make one’s will, beat one’s servants, and so forth. – E.T.A. Hoffmann

45. I have suggested to several of these eight-hour logicians that they ought to start work at ten o’clock at night, thereby allowing them to leave at six in the morning and perhaps even arrive home before it is time to get up. Some even took this for a serious suggestion. In my opinion, only bakers need to work early in the morning. – Timur Vermes

46. I feel as though whenever I create something, my Mr. Hyde wakes up in the middle of the night and starts thrashing it. I sometimes love it the next morning, but other times it is an abomination. – Criss Jami

47. Life kisses our faces every morning. Yet, between morning and evening, she laughs at our sorrows. – Kahlil Gibran

48. I yawned and stretched luxuriously in the morning. I make noises when I stretch because it feels ten times better than stretching silently. – Kevin Hearne

Funny Morning Quotes


49. There are two ways of waking up in the morning. One is to say, ‘Good morning, God,’ and the other is to say, ‘Good God, morning’. – Fulton J. Sheen

50. The doctor has a new suggestion for you this morning. Laugh a little more in the morning for breakfast, give a beautiful smile in the afternoon. Stay far happier for dinner. What is the doctor’s fee? Think more about me. – Sally Coleslaw

51. A person who has not done one-half his day’s work by ten o’clock, runs a chance of leaving the other half undone. – Emily Brontë

52. I am not a morning person. – Laurell K. Hamilton

53. Moist groaned. It was the crack of seven and he was allergic to the concept of two seven o’clocks in one day. – Terry Pratchett

54. Mornings are like almost clean slates. I say almost clean because the residue of yesterdays is sometimes stuck on them. – Medeia Sharif

55. I hate early mornings. But I love waking up with you. – Sade Andria Zabala

56. Let the morning keep what belongs to the morning. – Marie Rutkoski

57. It feels like the mornings clap their hands. To make me wake. – Markus Zusak

58. Don’t make me kill you at this hour in the morning Jimmy. It’s not civilized. – Kylie Scott

59. It’s morning time already and it’s time to widen those teeny tiny eyes. Stretch those tough buff arms, wiggle that silky slinky hair and eat some salty malty fries. – Jessie Tower

60. I got up one morning and couldn’t find my socks, so I called Information. She said, ‘Hello, Information.’ I said, ‘I can’t find my socks.’ She said, ‘They’re behind the couch.’ And they were. – Steven Wright

61. You feel a little older in the morning. By noon I feel about 55. – Bob Dole

62. I woke up this morning, and I still don’t believe I won the Daytona 500. –  Dale Earnhardt

63. There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. – Henry David Thoreau

64. One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know. – Groucho Marx

65. I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up. – Benjamin Franklin

66. The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, ‘How is the president?’ – Will Rogers

67. I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific. – Mitch Hedberg

68. When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’ – Steven Wright

69. Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There’s a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning. – Steven Wright

70. I have a great deal of company in the house, especially in the morning when nobody calls. – Henry David Thoreau

71. My mother had morning sickness after I was born. – Rodney Dangerfield

72. This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me. – Rodney Dangerfield

73. It ain’t as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning. – Colin Powell

74. I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. – Frank Sinatra

75. If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: ‘President Can’t Swim.’ – Lyndon B. Johnson

76. That’s the trouble with being me. At this point, nobody gives a damn what my problem is. I could literally have a tumor on the side of my head and they’d be like, ‘Yeah, big deal. I’d eat a tumor every morning for the kinda money you’re pulling down.’ – Jim Carrey

77. Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me. After the explosion, I spent the rest of the day putting the pieces together. – Ray Bradbury

78. My father-in-law gets up at 5 o’clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don’t know why there’s this big rush to do this. – Jeff Foxworthy

79. The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast. – Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Funny Morning Quotes


80. Somebody said to me this morning, ‘To what do you attribute your longevity?’ I don’t know. I mean, I couldn’t have planned my life out better. By all accounts, I should be dead! The abuse I put my body through — the drugs, the alcohol, the lifestyle I’ve lived the last 30 years. – Ozzy Osbourne

81. Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day. – Seth MacFarlane

82. It seems to me that trying to live without friends is like milking a bear to get cream for your morning coffee. It is a whole lot of trouble, and then not worth much after you get it. – Zora Neale Hurston

83. You wake up in the morning and you look at your old spoon, and you say to yourself, ‘Mick, it’s time to get yourself a new spoon.’ And you do. – Mick Jagger

84. In these times you have to be an optimist to open your eyes when you awake in the morning. – Carl Sandburg

85. When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas. – Emo Philips

86. I’m going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli. – Michael J. Fox

87. Make sure you never, never argue at night. You just lose a good night’s sleep, and you can’t settle anything until morning anyway. – Rose Kennedy

88. A good husband is never the first to go to sleep at night or the last to awake in the morning. – Honore de Balzac

89. I don’t like the morning, because it starts when I’m still asleep.

90. The alarm is on in the morning not because the windshield is busted, but the windshield is busted because the alarm is on in the morning.

91. Insomnia is not a problem; a problem is when you don’t know why you get up in the morning.

92. Morning paradox – it takes forever to fall asleep and only a second to fall asleep in the morning.

93. Every morning is good; it’s not his fault that someone didn’t sleep well.

94. In the morning: I’m sorry, it was very dark, I didn’t notice.

95. Sleep faster, I need the pillow.

96. God created the sleep, and the devil created an alarm clock.

97. The one, who snores, is the first one to fall asleep.

98. The mind is a wonderful thing: it wakes up when you do and falls asleep when you reach the office.

99. If I offer her to sleep over, she might misunderstand. And she will be right.

100. Is this me, or today I will again go to sleep tomorrow.

101. I lack sleep: are the nights so short, or do I sleep so fast?

102. I think I’m allergic to morning.

103. The most obvious thing people keep repeating: every night they go to sleep late and in the morning they feel like that was a bad idea.

104. Today I woke up and realized three horrible facts: Today is not Friday; Tomorrow is not Friday either; And even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.

105. The feeling dialogue I experience every morning. Me: I really can’t stay. Bed: but baby, it’s cold outside.

106. It’s easier to stay awake until 7 AM, than to wake-up at 7 AM.

107. If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where I can return Mondays.

Funny Morning Quotes


108. Luckily, today has been cancelled. Go back to bed.

109. In order to sleep off you should be getting to bed not on the same day when you need to get up.

110. A person falls asleep the fastest when he turns off the alarm clock.

111. Monday morning is the ugly sister of Friday evening.

112. It’s not “Tuesday”, it’s “ThreeDaysBeforeFriday”.

113. After “Monday” and “Tuesday” even the calendar says “WTF”.

114. Those 7 extra minutes of sleep in the morning do really matter.

115. Whenever someone asks me to get up earlier, I explain that doing it before 7 AM is officially illegal.

116. There are 2 kinds of people in this world: 1) morning people 2) people who want to shoot morning people.

117. I always say ‘morning’ instead of ‘good morning’ if it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.

118. Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day. – Seth MacFarlane

119. It seems to me that trying to live without friends is like milking a bear to get cream for your morning coffee. It is a whole lot of trouble, and then not worth much after you get it. – Zora Neale Hurston

120. I always give 100% at work. 13% Monday. 22% Tuesday. 26% Wednesday.  35% Thursday. 4% Friday.

121. Workout in the morning before your brain figures out what you’re doing.

122. If your eyes hurt after you drink coffee, you have to take the spoon out of the cup. – Norm Crosby

123. I drink coffee for your protection.

124. Telling yourself that you’ll get up early in the morning to do something, then in the morning convincing yourself that it’s not important.

125. I hope your day is as nice as your butt.

126. I don’t like morning people. Or mornings. Or people.

127. Today, I’m wearing a lovely shade of  I slept like shit so don’t piss me off.

128. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking like a troll.

129. I like my bed more than I like most people.

130. I need something more than coffee but less than cocaine.

131. Am I the only person who wakes up at 7:59 am and goes back to sleep to cherish that last minute.

132. Today, I will kick ass and make dreams happen. But first, coffee.

133. You know that moment when you wake up in the morning full of energy? Yeah, me neither.

Funny Morning Quotes


134. Sometimes people want to have full conversation really early in the morning and it’s okay to kill those people.

135. Me and morning don’t see eye to eye, mostly because I don’t want to open mine.

136. When late morning rolls around and you’re feeling a bit out of sorts, don’t worry, you’re probably just  a little eleven o’clockish.

137. Drink some coffee and pretend you know what you’re doing.

138. I’ve started drinking my coffee out of a clear mug, so people will know where my tolerance level is at.

139. I can’t get out of bed because my cat is laying on me. Today has been cancelled.

140. My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I stayed home to take care of it.

141. I wanted to go jogging in the morning but Proverbs 28:1 says “The wicked run when no one is chasing them” so there’s that.

142. Good morning. Don’t be a shitty person today.

143. I’m just waiting to see if my coffee chooses to use its powers for good or evil today.

144. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I’m going to be today.

145. A day without coffee is like..just kidding. I have no idea.

146. The best part of waking up is still a mystery to me.

147. Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.

148. Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am awake.

149. Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

150. Put on a smile, get cute, and enjoy your day.

151. Trust me, when I woke up today I had no plans to be awesome. But shit happens.

152. Just in case no one has told you today. Good morning. I believe in you. You’re doing great. Nice butt.

153. What  the fuck are birds excited about at 5AM?

154. If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple ‘thank you’ is all I need. Not all this ‘how did you get in my house?’ bullshit.

155. Roses are red, mornings are hard. I suck at poems. Coffee.

156. I hate the part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.


Funny Morning Quotes

157. Happiness is not having to set an alarm for the next day.

158. Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I am functioning at full capacity.

159. Good morning. Part of me is thinking, ‘Wow. It’s Wednesday already,’ and the other part is thinking, ‘What do you mean it’s only Wednesday?”

160. This morning I put Red Bull into my coffee maker instead of water and now I can see noises.

161. I hurts when someone you love says mean things like “It’s time to wake up.”

162. Hello, Monday. May I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Don’t you have a hobby?


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