Types of Self-Esteem

You’ve heard the term self-esteem likely an innumerable amount of times in your life, but what exactly is it, and what are the different types of self-esteem, you might wonder. How is it that some people seem to have so much of this feeling of self-worth, while others lack it?

Some of us might associate this self-image of oneself with either being high or low, but there is more to it than that. A person can have a strong feeling of self-worth, but it can be unstable or inconsistent, and the same goes for those individuals who fall on the lower end of the scale. What is the difference between high self-esteem and narcissism?

It turns out there are several levels of self-worth, and those who are boastful or seem to have the highest self-esteem might show dreadful feelings of self-love and much more self-loathing. Read on to discover the main types of self-esteem and some of the factors that play into how we feel about ourselves as we walk through the world.

What Is the Difference Between Self-Esteem, Self-Efficacy, and Self-Confidence?

Many people confuse self-esteem and confidence. When you think you need more confidence, the root of the issue might be self-esteem. Confidence, in the world of psychology, coincides with the belief that you can do something.

For example, when you study something or practice something for a long time, you will eventually gain a sense that you are capable of doing the task. If you partake in martial arts for over a decade, you will likely feel self-confidence in your skills.

We can develop this sense of self-assuredness in most areas of life if we take the time to learn and master them. Take that same person and stick them in a flower shop if they’ve never dealt with flowers, and they will probably lack any confidence about being able to name every flower and design masterful arrangements.

Self-efficacy is another form of sureness, but this concept is more tied to our personal belief that we can handle difficult life situations. You might not think highly of yourself in general, you might not feel particularly confident in the skills you need to get through something, but you have healthy self-efficacy that you will be able to navigate it in the end. With a solid sense of self-efficacy, you believe you’ll be able to reach your goal one way or another, whether you hold a lot of self-love or not.

You can be sure of yourself in specific areas of your life, but that doesn’t mean you will go home at night and feel good about yourself overall. Among the three types of these feelings, the thing many of us need more of is self-esteem.

Self-esteem stands apart from these other sensations in that it is our feeling or lack of knowing we are good enough as is, on our own, without specific skills or achievements. This part of ourselves is the stripped-down, how we feel about our character at our most essential level—who we are as a person, our worth in the world, how lovable we are, or if we are even worth loving.

The Trap of Success to Gain Self-Esteem

Trying to find self-worth in outside successes in by no means a new idea. People have worked in pursuit of more money, more status, more influence, and so on for eons. However, it is sometimes even simpler to see this confused state through social media in our current era.

Never before have humans been able to post images and updates of their lives (not just nearby but from all over the globe) and also edit and filter those posts so quickly and with such ease. This action might temporarily boost confidence or portray the image of self-esteem to others, but it cannot make you feel like a genuinely more lovable person or a better human being.

The façade of social media has the opposite effect by harming our self-esteem. Not only is it depressing to see everyone else in their “perfect” lives, with perfect skin, in exotic locations, appearing to have loads of money. It can also be discouraging to yourself to look at your posts, knowing they’ve been altered, edited, or are not the full reality of your life.

This paradox can lower self-esteem in that you are flooding your brain with images of what you should be like to be lovable or admired, subconsciously comparing yourself to others, and then also comparing yourself to the false image you post of your life. When you know you are more in debt than you appear, or don’t look as good as you do in your pictures, it adds to the depressing effect.

No amount of trophies, attractive posts, or money can buy self-esteem. That is both a negative and positive aspect of pursuing better self-worth. Accomplishments will not give it to you, but you also don’t have to have anything to get it.

Unfortunately, our environment can affect our self-esteem in other ways. Treatment from parents during childhood can play a significant role in self-esteem (although working through issues, later on, can help with some types of damaged self-worth).

Social shame or being shamed is another crucial component. Shame has a notable effect on lowered feelings of self-esteem.

Tests Available to Determine Self-Esteem

In the 1980s, measurements of self-esteem started to gain footing as a way of determining a person’s rating on a scale of self-esteem from high to low, with other factors such as “stable” or “unstable.”

Two of these measurement tools were the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale (RSES) and the Coppersmith Inventory. These tools can be used in therapy, or for better self-assessment of your feelings of self-worth at home.

The Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale (RSES)

This short, 10-question test was created by sociologist Morris Rosenberg and guides the participants in selecting how much they agree or disagree with statements regarding themselves. The RSES test is simple to take and determines a general correlation with things like depression and anxiety, although this quiz alone cannot identify those conditions.

The Coopersmith Inventory

The Coopersmith Inventory utilizes a test with 50 questions on several topics, and the subject must rank themselves as to how much they agree or disagree with the statements. Like the RSES, this test is a quick way to gauge the general level of a person’s self-esteem. Although it does not necessarily provide an accurate reading for every stage of life or determine for sure whether a person has stable or vulnerable self-esteem, even if it’s high.

The Importance of Self-Esteem

On Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, general feelings of self-worth and esteem are a crucial component of life, coming in on the scale right after the need for love and belonging. A healthy amount of self-esteem that does not rely on other people’s praise is necessary for us to put ourselves out there in various ways.

Without healthy self-esteem, we will lack the belief in ourselves that we can gain the type of employment we want, succeed in educational endeavors, take risks such as opening businesses, and find romantic partnerships that are also healthy.

If we think we are worthless and not deserving of love, we will accept more hostile and sometimes even abusive treatment (either verbal, emotional, or physical) from others. Those who typically maintain high self-esteem refuse to be treated as such, and will not stand for abusive dynamics in relationships.

Those with lower self-esteem are also more likely to self-medicate and fall into addictive patterns with substances such as alcohol or other drugs.

This behavior can create a paradox in which the individual tries to numb the painful feelings of self-hatred, but later feels shame for their actions while using or over the fact of using or excessive drinking itself, and the cycle worsens.

Shame, of course, is a significant factor in creating lowered feelings of self-worth, and engaging in activities that will cause this sensation later should be avoided for those looking to increase their self-esteem.

Overall, to lead a healthy, productive existence where we typically choose wisely for ourselves and maintain loving, respecting relationships with others, we need at least some amount of solid self-esteem.

That is not to say people should try to boost their egos falsely but instead take time to build a sense of self that does not depend on the approval of others and consists of a fair evaluation of the self. Healthy people can see their flaws and know they need to work on them while still understanding they are lovable and worthy of good things.

Types of Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is not just high or low, but instead, has a range and even within that scale, consists of variables that can affect the stability of one’s sense of worth.

Shattered

Those with shattered self-esteem regard themselves so low that they consider themselves or characteristics of their person the antithesis of good.

For example, they might consider “being rich” an ideal of perfection, and maintain a poverty mentality, or think of being young and the only worthwhile age, and embrace a self-deprecating/pity state of being old. In their eyes, nothing can change the lower ranking situation of who they are.

Compliments and reassurance often fail to take hold in those with shattered self-esteem because they don’t have a firm enough grasp on any self-love to absorb or believe positive statements about themselves.

Vulnerable

Those with vulnerable self-esteem can rank both lower or higher on tests that determine their feelings of self, but these individuals are not stable in those feelings.

These people can experience times of higher self-esteem, but it can be rattled or torn down by criticism or failures. An indecisive nature is a hallmark of vulnerable individuals because they fear they might make the wrong choice and “fail” or hearing disapproval regarding their actions.

People with vulnerable self-esteem could typically walk through life with the appearance of high self-regard, but when a substantial decision comes along, they come undone.

For example, a seemingly confident college student suddenly questions everything when their parents show disapproval for their selected major, or they succeed in self-esteem in most areas, but can’t make up their mind on which career path to take out of fear of making the wrong choice.

Strong

Strong self-esteem may not look like you would initially imagine exactly. As opposed to acting over-confident, those with genuinely healthy self-esteem are self-assured, but also humble.

These people don’t feel a need to boast about their feats and accomplishments because they don’t require as much positive feedback from others to feel secure. These individuals are also just as capable of acknowledging their downfalls or mistakes because they have a more accurate view of themselves—neither too deflated, nor over-inflated.

This realistic view of self is a critical component of high or healthy self-esteem. Neither those with low nor those with narcissist levels of “self-worth,” both of which are forms of lowered self-worth, see themselves accurately.

If a person thinks so highly of themself that they can only criticize others and refuse to admit their flaws or mistakes, their image of themselves is inaccurate. Just as flawed is the self-image of those, who think they have nothing to offer to others and possess nothing likable in them.

Neither of these types of individuals sees themselves in a rational, truthful light. Every human has both positive and negative qualities in their personality, image, and attitude. Those with genuinely healthy, high self-esteem understand that, see the positive and negative in themselves, and respect the positive qualities in other people as separate entities with valid feelings.

Contingent

Within the scale of self-esteem, there are also contingent and noncontingent types. Contingent self-worth relies entirely upon the approval of others and receiving praise in some form.

This type is “doomed to fail” as no one can continuously get compliments and adoration in a non-stop stream without ever receiving any criticism. Contingent self-esteem closely correlates with vulnerable and low self-worth, as the individual is not stable in themselves, and they are always looking for ways to gain approval from others.

Non-Contingent

This type of self-esteem, as the name would suggest, does not rely on praise from other people. This type relates to healthy self-esteem, and the individual knows they are worth loving or have their positive qualities, just as other people have theirs. Non-contingent self-esteem does not disregard failures, but instead, understands that self-worth still exists despite mistakes.

Contingent or Vulnerable Strong Self-Esteem

Even among those with high self-esteem, many individuals still rely heavily on others to maintain their self-worth. More specifically, these people may be able to keep their self-esteem high most of the time but will experience lowered self-esteem when faced with excessive criticism or when they continuously fail at any given endeavor.

These individuals may generally be capable of seeing their strengths and weaknesses and value the positive qualities in others but can suffer from bouts of low self-esteem during massive life changes or during periods of intense criticism.

Those with this type of self-esteem also could have grown up in a healthy household that recognized both the positive and negative qualities in the child, but as the person grows, they might go through a phase where they no longer succeed in areas for which they used to receive praise.

For example, if the individuals always had an uplifting view of their self-worth, but part of their positive qualities attributed to things like excelling in sports and getting good grades, the person might later go through a time of low self-esteem when those perceived “lovable” qualities disappear. If they gain a lot of weight and experience multiple failures in starting their career, their high self-esteem may not be resilient through these life experiences.

Narcissism and Self-Esteem

There exists a massive difference between those with genuinely healthy, high self-esteem, and that of narcissism. Narcissism, in reality, is a form of low self-esteem, but one that has morphed so far that the protective exterior provides a false image if high self-regard.

In other words, narcissists hold such deep shame or self-loathing that they build a wall against those feelings and numb the pain by tearing others down or boasting to others and themselves about superficial achievements.

This situation is much like the classic bully on the playground concept (not to say all bullies in your past were necessarily narcissists, although they could be). When the feeling of shame of self-hate is so overwhelming that life would feel unbearable, the narcissist chooses the alternative.

No middle ground seems reasonable for the narcissistic type. In a narcissist’s mind, they are either the loser or the champion. The narcissist is not looking at themselves in a realistic light, both with the positive attributes and the flaws.

Some signs of narcissism include:

  • Acting entitled, more special than others, and boastful.
  • Exaggerate or brag about their achievements.
  • Feel superior to others and only associate with those deemed “on their level.”
  • Expect special treatment or attention.
  • Use others to get what they want.
  • Expect the best superficial goods.
  • Overtake conversations, interrupt, or fail to listen to others.
  • Belittle the feelings or opinions of others.
  • Quickly become defensive and angry.
  • Struggle with control over emotions.
  • They cannot rationally listen to criticism or learn from critical feedback.

Narcissists can harbor secret feelings of shame or depression because of either a lack of achievements or perfection. At the heart of narcissism is low self-esteem, but it can sometimes be challenging to detect because of the outwardly defensive shell narcissists show to the world.

As of now, no complete cure for narcissism exists, but it is thought to be a treatable condition. One of the problems with narcissism is that the behavior itself makes the individual resistant to treatment or even admitting there is anything wrong with them.

If a narcissist is open to treatment, learning how to alter behaviors, gaining more empathy for others, and even medical treatment for other potential underlying disorders can drastically change the person for the better.

Don’t go into a relationship with a narcissist thinking they will change, though. The person has to genuinely be willing to work on themselves, stop blaming others, and face up to their unhealthy patterns. Over time, this could elevate their authentic self-esteem and reduce some of the more unappealing narcissistic behaviors.

Vulnerable Narcissists

Among narcissists, there appear to be both vulnerable types and grandiose narcissists. Vulnerable narcissists are said to attribute more of their feelings of self-esteem to areas where they get continuous approval from others.

Vulnerable narcissists can become easily defensive, also, and may seek to spend their energies in domains where they know they will receive praise, such as in work, in a codependent relationship.

Grandiose Narcissists

Grandiose narcissists also maintain many of the symptoms of any other type of narcissist but prefer to avoid areas where they need the approval of others. Instead, grandiose narcissists prefer to put their energy into various forms of competition to help them maintain their sense of self-esteem.

In this way, you could say a vulnerable narcissist looks more to perfect ambitions in which they receive praise and approval, such as studying to earn excellent grades. Grandiose narcissists may focus more on an area of natural talent and become excessively competitive in it, ignoring or downplaying other areas where they do not naturally excel.

Both types can still be quite critical of others and act condescendingly or arrogantly to boost their low inner self-esteem.

Factors That Affect Self-Esteem

Several components go into one’s makeup of self-worth, likely more than we even know about at this time. From a variety of studies, some common factors that can influence a person’s self-esteem include:

  • Childhood and emotional health or lack thereof during childhood
  • Body image
  • Academic struggles without the support of caregivers
  • Neurological conditions such as depression
  • Relationships with peers
  • Ability to adjust to change
  • Trauma

It’s unclear whether there is a genetic link to self-esteem, but it’s also a possibility. There also seems to be a correlation between too-neglectful and too-indulgent parenting. When a child gets neglected, it’s easy to understand why they might grow up feeling unlovable.

However, when a child is over-indulged and praised even when they did not learn the effort in earning the adoration, they can develop a false sense of self-worth that can crumble easily in the real world, or they can establish narcissist tendencies.

Raising children in a warm, loving environment in which their boundaries get respected, their opinions are valued, but kids also learn that other people have valid feelings and worth and that we all have weaknesses we need to work on seems to be the ideal environment for developing healthy self-esteem.

Raising Your Self-Esteem

Even if you grew up in a less-than-ideal home, there is still hope for gaining a healthier sense of self-esteem. Therapy, journaling, and even clinical hypnosis may boost a person’s self-esteem with a little time and effort.

It is crucial to pay attention to the relationships around you and grow a keener sense of whether people who are critical of you are offering honest, helpful feedback, or just trying to tear you down. Start questioning the motives of those who are condescending or critical of you.

Do they seem truly happy with themselves? Do they appear to have an ingrained sense that all of a specific type of people are inferior? If so, you can learn to take this less personally, and begin to see the problem as theirs.

Start looking around you at both the positives and negatives of all the people you encounter. Learn to see how natural it is for everyone to possess both admirable and less-than-desirable qualities. Relate those to your character, and be honest with yourself about the areas you could work on without falling into despair, and also your naturally fantastic attributes.

Final Thoughts

On the scale of self-esteem, there are several variables and multiple combinations among the different types of self-worth an individual can have. People can have shattered self-esteem, but through lots of work with therapy and removing themselves from the people who participated in harming their feelings of self-worth, a person can develop a healthier amount of self-love.

Likewise, even those with healthy self-esteem can have a contingent or vulnerable version of this state and may experience periods throughout their life when they must take time to rebuild their sense of self-worth. We must remember that each person is projecting a lifetime of hurts, false conclusions, beliefs, and individual self-esteem issues, and we often are the unlucky recipient of that. Learning to see ourselves honestly, flaws and all, while still maintaining respect for ourselves is a crucial part of maturity and self-esteem.

Rare is the person who has genuinely healthy, stable, non-contingent self-esteem throughout their lives. Get out a journal and write down areas you think you could work on, naturally positive qualities in yourself, and how you feel your self-esteem might be damaged. What you discover might be enlightening and can help start you on the road to rebuilding a healthier type of self-esteem going forward.

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