204 Sarcastic Inspirational Quotes and Sayings

Inspirational quotes can sometimes have more meaning when they’re delivered in a sarcastic way. They can also be funny and serious at the same time which is perfect in case you find yourself attending a boring event. If you also meet someone who needs a little inspiration to get through life, you should definitely share this list of sarcastic inspirational quotes we found!

Sarcastic Inspirational Quotes

1. I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

2. Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes.

3. Don’t take life so seriously, it isn’t permanent.

4. It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black. – Paul Newman

5. The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. – George Bernard Shaw

6. People say that laughter is the best medicine your face must be curing the world.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. Always give 100%, except when giving blood.

9. Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you that they can’t laugh either.

10. Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

11. Without geometry, life is pointless.

12. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

13. Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.

14. Let’s share, You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin. 

15. The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

16. I’d kill for a nobel peace prize.

17. Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.

18. Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.

19. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals, I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. – Whitney Brown

20. There are some people who come in your life pretending that they love you only because they need you. – Uzair Lallmamod

21. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

22. As the joker said, if you are good at something why do it for free.

23. Calamities are of two kinds, misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. – Ambrose Bierce

24. A man can be happy with any women, as long as he does not love her. – Oscar Wilde

25. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

26. In the end, everything we do is just everything we’ve done.

27. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

28. History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. – Abba Eban

29. Save a tree, eat a beaver. Hurray for earth day.

30. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin

31. I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. – Oscar Wilde

32. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. – Winnie the Pooh

33. Life is like a sewe what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. – Tom Lehrer

34. You can’t have everything. Where would you put it? – Steven Wright

Sarcastic Inspirational Quotes

35. Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.

36. Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is. – Jeffrey Gitomer

37. Ron burgundy in a lion’s cage saying ‘I immediately regret this decision. 

38. Bad decisions make good stories. – Ellis Vidler

39. I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess. – Cassandra Duffy

40. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. – Cathy Guisewite

41. A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory. – Mark Twain

42. Well-behaved women seldom make history. – Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

43. I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. – Benjamin Franklin

44. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

45. Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia. – Charles Schulz

46. Think like a proton. Always positive.

47. Be happy it drives people crazy.

48. Man doing a cha-cha in a snorkelling mask in swim shorts. Optimist, someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha. – Robert Brault

49. The question isn’t who is going to let me, it’s who is going to stop me. – Ayn Rand.

50. You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it. – Robin Williams

51. I am an early bird and a night owl so I am wise and I have worms. – Michael Scott

52. If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck. – Elvis Presley

Sarcastic Inspirational Quotes

53. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. – Will Rogers

54. Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it. – Dwight D. Eisenhower

55. Live each day like it’s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night. – Jason Love

56. Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. – Franklin P. Jones

57. Woman saying ‘just bring me vodka. I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade, and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. – Ron White

58. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. – Thomas Eddison

59. A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

60. Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I’m possible. – Audrey Hepburn

61. Friendship is like peeing on yourself, everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. – Robert Bloch

62. Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. – Marilyn Monroe

63. By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. – Robert Frost

64. The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. – Terry Pratchett

65. Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese. – Billie Burke

66. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department usually uses water. 

67. I am not young enough to know everything. – Oscar Wilde

68. Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde

68. History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. – Abba Eban

70. I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. – Albert Einstein

71. Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. – Albert Einstein

72. In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep. – Albert Einstein

73. Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school. – Albert Einstein

74. If anything can go wrong, it will. – Murphy’s Laws

75. Enough research will tend to support whatever theory. – Murphy’s Laws

76. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. – Murphy’s Laws

77. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. – Murphy’s Laws

Sarcastic Inspirational Quotes

78. What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera. – Aldous Huxley

79. Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs. – Robin Williams

80. God gave men both a p*nis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. – Robin Williams

81. Ah, yes, divorce from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. – Robin Williams

82. He was happily married but his wife wasn’t. – Victor Borge

83. All the good ones are taken. – Murphy’s Laws

84. If the person isn’t taken, there’s a reason. – Murphy’s Laws

85. Money can’t buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position. – Murphy’s Laws

86. The best things in the world are free – and worth every penny of it. – Murphy’s Laws

87. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. – Murphy’s Laws

88. Virginity can be cured. – Murphy’s Laws

89. Love your neighbor, but don’t get caught. – Murphy’s Laws

90. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. – Murphy’s Laws

91. Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love. – Benjamin Disraeli

92. It’s a match made in heaven by a retarded angel. – Woody Allen

93. People that pay for things never complain. It’s the guy you give something to that you can’t please. – Will Rogers

94. A half truth is a whole lie. – Yiddish Proverb

95. Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy. – Cynthia Nelms

96. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. – Dalai Lama

97. Consider the postage stamp, its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing ’til it gets there. – Josh Billings

98. A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

99. I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. – Thomas A. Edison

100. Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. – Robert Downey Jr.

101. Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I’m possible. – Audrey Hepburn

102. If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big. – Donald Trump

103. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. – Kyle Chandler

104. Opportunity is always knocking. The problem is that most people have the self-doubt station in their heads turned up way too loud to hear it. – Brian Vaszily

105. Life is like a sewer what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. – Tom Lehrer

106. We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. – Oscar Wilde

107. Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist. – Pablo Picasso

108. If you’re going through hell, keep going. – Winston Churchill

109. If you hang out with chickens, you’re going to cluck and if you hang out with eagles, you’re going to fly. – Steve Maraboli

110. Only he who attempts the absurd is capable of achieving the impossible. – Miguel de Unamuno

111. The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible. – Arthur C. Clarke

112. There are no traffic jams along the extra mile. – Roger Staubach

113. Edison failed 10,000 times before he made the electric light. Do not be discouraged if you fail a few times. – Napoleon Hill

114. Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change. – Wayne W. Dyer

115. Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent. – Langston Coleman

116. It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous. – Robert Benchley

117. It takes sunshine and rain to make a rainbow. There would be no rainbows without sunshine and rain. – Roy T. Bennett

118. Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring. – Marilyn Monroe

119. Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. – Phyllis Diller

Sarcastic Inspirational Quotes

120. Life is like the stock market. Some days you’re up. Some days you’re down. And some days you feel like something the bull left behind. – Paula Wall

121. Good things come to those who wait greater things come to those who get off their ass and do anything to make it happen.

122. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. – Henry Wadsworth

123. The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. – Will Rogers

124. Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. – Margaret Mead

125. Sometimes life knocks you get up, get up, get up. Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them. – Steve Maraboli

126. The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. – Mark Twain

 127. Change is not a four letter word but often your reaction to it is. – Jeffrey Gitomer

128. The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. – Confucius

129. Goal setting is similar to traveling from point A to point B within a city. If you clearly understand what the goal is, you will definitely reach the destination because you know its address. – Thomas Abreu

130. Be yourself, everyone else is already taken. – Oscar Wilde

131. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. – A.A. Milne

132. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. – Thomas Eddison

133. If you fall, I’ll always be there. – The Floor

134. I suppose there are a lot of reasons to be jaded or sarcastic or bitter in life, but I hang on to the reasons why life is beautiful. – Kelli O’Hara

135. The bad thing about being a famous comedian is that every now and then someone approaches me to tell an old joke. Don’t tell me jokes, I have that. People also say the weirdest things, sometimes sarcastic things, and even evil things. They like to provoke to get a reaction. – Robin Williams

136. I like a guy who’s sarcastic, serious, sensitive – even just silent. But you have to do it at the right times. That’s sexy. To me, it reflects intelligence. – Moran Atias

137. A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility. – Lawrence G. Lovasik

138. My mother was sarcastic and delightful and, trust me, quite remarkable. – Kevin Spacey

139. When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.

140. It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.

141. You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed. 

142. Just shut up and move on.

143. If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.

144. I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.

145. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion? 

146. If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.

147. If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

148. I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.

149. I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.

150. I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.

151. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.

152. Sarcasm is the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.

153. Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.

154. Yet despite the look on my face you are still talking.

155. Find your patience before I lose mine.

156. Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

157. Sometimes I need what only you can provide, your absence. – Ashleigh Brilliant

158. Sarcasm because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.

159. Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.

160. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

Sarcastic Inspirational Quotes

161. Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

162. I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

163. I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

164. Sarcasm, helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.

165. Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.

166. People say that laughter is the best medicine your face must be curing the world.

167. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

168. My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.

169. Let’s share, you’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.

170. Fighting with me is like being in the special Olympics. You may win, but in the end you’re still a r*tard.

171. Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.

172. My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

173. Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.

174. Apologies don’t mean anything if you keep doing what you’re sorry for.

175. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

176. I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.

177. Keep your head high, and your middle finger higher.

178. People will notice the change in your attitude towards them, but won’t notice their behavior that made you change.

179. Bi*ch, I wanna slap you, but I don’t know in which face.

180. To the people who lose one shoe on the side of the highway. Please tell me what the rest of your life is like.

181. One of the hardest decisions you’ll ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or try harder.

182. Apology accepted, trust denied.

183. I know everything happens for a reason. But sometimes I wish I knew what that reason was.

184. I’m technically single but my heart is taken by someone I can’t call my own.

185. Bi*ch, please move away from the sunlight, I hate the smell of burning plastic.

186. I don’t understand your specific kind of crazy but I do admire your total commitment to it.

187. Cheating is the most disgusting, hurtful, & disrespectful thing you could do to someone you say you love.

188. No regrets in life. Just lessons learned.

189. No response is a response. And it’s a powerful one. Remember that.

190. One morning she woke up different. Done with trying to figure out who was with her, against her, or walking down the middle because they didn’t have the guts to pick a side. She was done with anything that didn’t bring her peace. She realized that opinions were a dime a dozen, validation was for parking, and loyalty wasn’t a word but a lifestyle. It was this day that her life changed. And not because of a man or a job but because she realized that life is way too short to leave the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket.

191. When people treat you like they don’t care, believe them.

192. Sometimes I have to tell myself it’s just not worth the jail time.

193. This is what you don’t do. Don’t let this world make you bitter. Don’t let the actions of other people turn you cold on the inside. Certain things happen that hurt us, people come that leave us, and most of all there are moments when you’re bound to fall. Don’t let those things make you unkind. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be sad. But it’s never okay to do other people wrong just because you were done wrong. We’re human. We break. We make mistakes. But don’t let pain and sadness run your lives. Wake up in the morning and do what you think is right. There are moments in your life where you feel like giving up and you can’t take it anymore. It’s okay. Breathe. Inhale. Exhale. I know you’re weak. But the things that show your weak side are also the same ones that make you stronger in the long run. It’s all about taking whatever life throws at you and learning from it.

194. Sorry is not enough. Sometimes you actually have to change.

195. There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will. And in the end, you learn who is fake, who is true and who would risk it all for you.

196. Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.

Sarcastic Inspirational Quotes

197. I will remember and recover, not forgive and forget.

198. Congratulations, you’ve managed to make me feel like a worthless piece of sh*t again. Would you like an award for that? 

199. You are either on my side, by my side, or in my f*cking way choose wisely.

200. I don’t hate you. I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.

201. Breaking someone’s trust is like crumpling up a perfect piece of paper. You can smooth it over but it’s never going to be the same again.

202. Nothing brings a group of a**holes together faster than something that’s none of their f*cking business.

203. In all honesty, things would’ve never worked between us. I’m a unicorn, you’re a donkey, I’m majestic, and you my love are just an a**.

204. I know I don’t have to be sarcastic, but the world has given me so much material to work with. I would hate to be wasteful.

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