Life is incomplete if you stop learning. Personal growth makes life worth living, especially when it comes to making positive changes to your personality. While it is difficult to revamp your character completely, you can make subtle improvements. We can choose which traits we want to develop, like being more patient or humorous.
As researchers learn more about the human brain, they have found that personality is adaptable. The people we meet affect the way we behave, and we can make changes based on traits that no longer help us. Making changes to your personality will not make you unrecognizable, as some characteristics are difficult to change, like being extroverted, considerate, and friendly.
But, with tenacity, you can make some changes to your personality. You might always be an introvert, but you can become more adventurous with practice. People frequently want to become more confident, and they can with perseverance. Psychologists and researchers have personality development tips that people can use to better themselves.
Understanding Personality
Understanding personality will help you learn to develop new traits. Personality is the collection of characteristics and behaviors that make us who we are. Our thoughts help form those traits. There are various descriptors for personality traits, and experts group the features into categories like open, neurotic, conscientious, agreeable, and extraverted.
Some people will group personality traits into positive and negative. Some features make people more likable or employable, while other characteristics might lead people to stressful lives. Consider the personality traits of people who are in prison versus people who have desirable careers. In many opinions, personality is more important than appearance.
Analyze Your Traits
Consider the traits that you find attractive in other people. Then, look at your personality. What qualities do you have that you admire in others? What characteristics do you have that you find irritating in other people?
Then, consider what traits you show the most. Your personality is a mixture of those traits, both likable and unlikable. People judge you based on the traits you show.
Those traits you like and dislike can be dynamic. You can change them almost as quickly as you can change your hair color. If you have features you hate, you can learn to stop showing them. If you have traits you love, you can learn how to make them even better.
Steps to Improve Your Personality
Whether or not you need to improve your personality is up to you, as only you can get the job done. You will need to decide if it is time for change because if you want to make a change, you have to commit. It is difficult to assess your personality, so watch how people react around you. Do they want to be with you? Do you feel like you are stuck in a rut?
Evaluate Your Flaws
If the answers to those questions are not ideal, then you might want to make changes. It might be time to look for ways to make yourself interesting again. But, before you make significant changes, you should evaluate what you have and what you are missing.
Pick one or two things that you do not like. Maybe you are shy, and your shyness keeps you from interacting with people. You might be a procrastinator. Perhaps you are easily angered. You might be an introvert, but you want to learn some extrovert techniques. Maybe people see you as close-minded and unwilling to learn. Figure out the most necessary fixes and get busy.
Evaluate Your Progress
After you decide to make changes, you should check your progress. You can do this by talking to the people you trust. Explain what you are doing and ask them for feedback. Some people keep journals on their progress. For example, if you are trying to stop procrastinating, keep track of the tasks you complete.
If you are working on being open-minded, keep a list of the readings you’ve completed and the new material you have read. Your personal feedback might be enough for some personality traits, but for others, you might need outside feedback. You might want to find a mentor who can help guide you through your personality development journey.
Remember that it is easiest to work on one trait at a time. Eventually, the qualities you fix or add will build upon each other. For example, it is easier to be conversational if you are open-minded. It is easier to be open-minded if you start to educate yourself.
Find a Mentor
If you have a person in your life who inspires you to be better, that person can become your personality development mentor. The mentorship doesn’t have to become official. You might find that you use that person as inspiration or as someone you want to mimic. Watch the person and notice how she behaves in tough situations.
You can journal about what you see and what you would like to imitate. When you see positive personality traits, you will have an easier time learning how to do them yourself.
Learn from Your Mistakes
One of the most admired traits is being able to learn from your mistakes, which you can do through self-reflection. But, if you plan to make changes to your personality, you will make mistakes along the way. You should learn to apologize to yourself and others, but don’t overdo it. Keep learning and let those mistakes guide you. Eventually, you will stop making mistakes.
Watch for Self Doubt
As you learn from your mistakes, do not doubt yourself. When you work on your personality, you will start to see things that will make you question your character. Self-doubt will hold you back, while confidence will propel you forward. Most people do not find self-doubt to be a positive personality trait. Instead, they find confidence attractive.
If you become doubtful of your actions, you will take several steps back in your quest to develop your personality. Trust yourself and your ability to improve your world.
Become Confident
When you trust yourself, you will become more confident. The way to do this is to stop worrying about what people think of you. The personality changes you are making are for you, not for anyone else. You will find that having confidence is fun, because you begin to enjoy life and how to live it.
Build a Network
The more people you are around, the more personality traits you will see. As you spend time with your network, you will be able to practice the features you want to develop. It is difficult to make changes when you cannot practice. Most of our personality traits show up when we are around other people, so use your network to better yourself.
As you build your network, you will develop confidence, lose your shyness, and become more conversational. You can also use your network as a learning tool when you watch other people interact with each other. You don’t have to socialize every waking moment of your day, but find a time that works for your schedule and stick with it.
Open Your Mind
If you want to learn, you have to become adaptive. Rigidity is not a desirable trait. It is akin to stubbornness, which is not wanting to learn and grow. Your goal is to develop, so open your mind and let new shape you.
Show Integrity
Along with opening your mind, you should also show respect to yourself and others. Be a person of honor while you are developing your personality. Show respect for yourself by being honest about the changes you are making. Then, show respect to the people around you by treating them with dignity.
You might be in the midst of changes, but the people around you might not be doing the same. Do not insult them for being who they are. They might not want to make changes. They might not understand what you are doing. No matter what your situation is, be kind to the people around you.
Have Some Fun
If you do not have fun, you will not stick with your personality development tasks for long. Adults are quick to drop new ideas because they find other ways to spend their time. If you make a task fun, you will find a way to keep doing it. Personality development can be tedious and routine, but only if you make it so.
Figure out how to enjoy what you are learning. If you want to work on being conversational, go places you enjoy and find people with which to converse. For example, if you love baseball, go to a game and talk to people in your row. If you want to become a learner, enroll in a course that teaches something that interests you.
Remember, all of this work is to make yourself a better person. You aren’t doing this for anyone else. So, you might as well enjoy what you are doing.
Be You
As you move through your personality development tips, maintain your own identity. Yes, your goal is to add or subtract traits, but you are still you. If you are trying to be someone else, you won’t get there. Your experiences are yours alone. If you were once an angry person, there will be people who know that about you. Don’t hide what you were to become someone else.
You can apologize for being angry, but you shouldn’t make yourself feel guilty about it. Authenticity is a virtuous personality trait. Appreciate what you have learned about yourself and continue to be you.
Journal and Learn
There is no right or wrong way to keep a journal. Your journal could be reflective. It could also be a collection of the activities that you did and the personality traits you exhibited during those activities. You could write about your feelings. Or, you could make the journal artistic.
When you put your personality development experience into writing, you could share it with other people who want to do the same thing. You also might not want to show your work to anyone. Journaling works well when you are learning about yourself because it lets you see how you have progressed.
You can write about your successes and failures. The journal could also include ideas that will help you repeat the successes and fix the shortcomings. You can keep lists of pros and cons, tips, and plans for conversations. You can also reflect on the conversations, too.
As you develop your journal, you will start to see more traits start to emerge. People who journal are often creative, reflective, and imaginative.
How to Change Your Personality
There are several tips you can use to change your personality. When you are ready to make changes, you have to be aggressive in your approach. You cannot do a mediocre job, or nothing will change. It is essential to make one change at a time because you have to give each change an immense amount of attention.
These personality development tips can be customized to meet your needs. If you want to be better at something, you have to do what you can to make the skill fit your lifestyle. If a tip involves reading, you have to make time to read. If you cannot find the time to read, then tips that include books will not fit your lifestyle. Those tips won’t work for you.
Practice Listening Skills
One of the most desirable personality traits is being a good listener. Fortunately, this behavior is one that you can improve. It doesn’t take much effort; it takes awareness and patience. All too often, we listen with the intention of talking. But, good listeners do not hear to respond. They listen because they care what the other person is saying.
To practice your listening skills, clear your mind of what you think you need to say. Then, listen. Look at the speaker’s face. Don’t stare too intently at their eyes, but watch their mouth, also. Pay attention to what is being said, with the idea that the speaker is worth hearing. You will make that person feel important, and the speaker will appreciate you for it.
Become a Learner
One of the best ways to become a learner is to take time to read. You will become more interesting as you will have more to talk about with other people. If you need a way to start, choose a book that is about a satisfying subject that is new to you.
You don’t have to go to a respected school to become educated. You can teach yourself by reading. Consider that Bill Gates reads about 50 books per year. And, he’s not alone. Other smart people read every day. They make time in their busy days to read newspapers, books, and other important documents. You can, too.
If you want to be a learner who is intelligent and educated, then you have to take time to develop this trait. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen. Especially if you take time to read, reflect, and respond to what you are learning. A rule of thumb that proves you have learned something: if you can talk about it, you have learned it.
Develop Opinions Based on Facts
As you learn, you can become a person with an opinion. When you develop beliefs, you become attractive, original, passionate, and sophisticated. Your conclusion should be something that people can talk about and what they want to hear you explain. You don’t want to be a know-it-all; you want to be interesting.
Developing an opinion cannot be done quickly. You should listen to what people have to say, and you should read about different perspectives. When you do this, you become open-minded. You will also need to remember what you read, which you can do by connecting new information to what you already know.
If that doesn’t work, print out articles and annotate. For many, the act of writing helps them learn. When you mark up a text, you can make comments and formulate opinions. No one else has to read what you write. You just write for yourself.
Practice Conversation
In the world of high tech, many people are more comfortable texting and messaging rather than talking. If you aren’t a good conversationalist, but you want to become one, practice! The only way to become a conversationalist is actually to talk to people. You can speak about what you have read and what opinions you have.
People who are shy often turn to organizations like Toastmasters because they will teach you how to speak with confidence. Most communities have groups like Toastmasters, but if yours doesn’t, join a book club. If that isn’t an option, find people to talk to at work. You can do this by eating lunch in the breakroom rather than in your cubicle.
Another place you can go to have a conversation is a bar. Sit at the bar and start talking to the bartender. If you want to step outside of your comfort zone, become a bartender so you can speak to anyone who sits and sips.
If you need to take smaller steps, play a video game, and use a mic to talk to other gamers. Chat about things other than the competition. Your conversational skills will improve, but only when you make an effort to change that aspect of your personality.
Work on Your Composure
If you find that you are a reactionary person, you might want to learn to manage your emotions and maintain your composure. While there are times that showing emotion is helpful, there are also times when being stoic under pressure is a virtue. So, how do you work on maintaining your composure? You practice.
One of the first things you can do is practice not taking things personally. Humans are selfish, and we usually do things to benefit ourselves, not to hurt others. So, if someone does something that would often make you angry and lose your composure, think about what that person wants rather than how the action affected you.
If you find that doesn’t work, figure out how to relax your mind. Some people remain composed by getting busy, while others need a moment to talk to a friend. What you can do is briefly experience the emotion, internally; then, go about your day, not thinking about the situation. Do not show your emotions to anyone who does not deserve to see them.
Eventually, you will become good at staying calm under pressure. You will be able to add words like stoic, steadfast, and rational to your list of personality traits.
Stop Procrastinating
For many people, procrastination is a way of life. But, it’s a trait that most people do not find honorable. So many people procrastinate that the behavior has become a joke. But, there is nothing funny or redeeming about the quality.
Fortunately, you can overcome the harmful habit, and it doesn’t take much work. You don’t have to read anything. You just have to get things done.
One of the best ways to stop procrastinating is to offer yourself rewards for getting work done. Another way is to recognize that most tasks require several steps. Robert Frost wrote, “As that I can see no way out but through” in his poem “Servant of Servants.” Remember this quote when you start to procrastinate, as the only way to get out is through. You have to start to finish.
Eventually, you will find that getting tasks completed is rewarding. Be sure that you forgive yourself for the times that you did procrastinate. Then, appreciate yourself for becoming a disciplined, hard worker.
Know When to Share and When Not To Share
You might feel like everything that popped into your head needs to be shared, but it doesn’t. A personality trait that people appreciate is being considerate. You don’t have to say everything you think, especially if you sense that you might hurt someone’s feelings. Being able to restrain yourself is something you can learn.
Before you speak, ask yourself a few questions. Some people use the acronym “THINK” before they speak. The acronym stands for these questions: Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Is it necessary? Is it kind? If what you have to say does not meet the criteria outlined in THINK, then you shouldn’t say it.
If you are working on your conversational skills, you will begin to recognize when to share and when not to share. If you work on your listening skills, you will start to see when people say unnecessary things. Watch how people speak and how they monitor themselves. Learn from what you hear and apply it to your personality.
Become a Positive Person
Becoming positive might be one of the most accessible traits to improve, especially if you have a friend or mentor who can help you. Losing negativity takes practice, but it is doable. Some people develop a mantra that keeps them from complaining. One of the easiest mantras to use is “it is what it is.” When you look at life this way, you are less likely to complain, because it is what it is.
As you work on your positivity, remember to be kind to yourself. Then, notice what you are thinking. If you recognize that you are about to complain, repeat your mantra, and don’t say the negative thought. Of course, life will not always be positive, but your reactions do not have to be negative. A neutral response is often the best choice.
When you react without judgment, you get to think about the situation. You can spend more time with it because you aren’t feeling it. The condition can become something you learn from, rather than something you react to. Then, you become balanced and clear-headed, which are both highly desirable traits.
Patience is a Virtue
In the hectic, fast-paced world, it can be challenging to be patient. One of the easiest ways to develop patience is to practice it in places that are challenging. No one wants to wait in lines, but waiting in lines will help you become patient. Instead of getting frustrated, enjoy the opportunity to slow down. You are where you are, and there is nothing you can do about it.
You can also work on your patience while driving. If you are someone who speeds and gets frustrated when someone in front of you is operating slowly, then it is time for you to slow down. Leave a few minutes earlier than usual and drive the speed limit. You can learn patience by slowing down.
When you notice that you are getting anxious and frustrated because you aren’t moving fast enough, pause and take deep breaths. Focusing on your breath changes your mindset, so you stop thinking about what is making you anxious. You can’t make the line move faster or control traffic. You can manage your reaction to your situations, so slow down, relax, and be patient.