It’s a normal feeling for you to want others to like and accept you. However, when going through those feelings, it’s also common to forget how to like yourself. Are you the type who is consistently making changes to your abilities, appearance, or personality? Do you find yourself being overly critical of how you look or noticing every flaw?
If you answer “yes,” to one or more of the questions above, you’re not alone. It’s easy to get caught up in “making over” yourself and, in doing so, losing sight of your true self. You’re focusing a lot of attention on who you would like to be instead. Some people have no issue with self-love or liking themselves. Others love themselves a little too much and cross the line into vanity.
What we’re talking about here is self-acceptance. That means you can feel confident and content even when you know imperfections are present. You’re emotionally stable and can remain grounded while experiencing satisfaction from knowing your strengths and weaknesses. However, if you have low self-acceptance, these flaws can cause a significant amount of stress.
According to a publication by Harvard Health, those who have an increase in their self-acceptance will experience improvement in their emotional well-being. In this guide, we’re discussing how to like yourself by learning self-acceptance.
Learning How to Like Yourself Differs from Self-Esteem
When you have positive self-esteem, that means you accept yourself for who you are now. In other words, you’re not worrying about who you “may” be and are focusing on taking steps to make yourself a little less flawed.
Remember, self-esteem is when you measure your self-worth and value according to your accomplishments and roles. When things are going well, you’ll find that your self-esteem fluctuates with your achievements. However, those fluctuations become challenging if you end a personal relationship or lose a job.
However, practicing self-acceptance and learning how to like yourself involves remaining realistic and subjective. What that means is, no matter what mistakes you make or flaws you have, you stay satisfied with yourself by staying aware of your strengths and weaknesses.
Why is Self-Acceptance Essential?
If you don’t accept yourself, then it’s easy to get caught in negative thought patterns. As a result, that could lead to mental or physical illness. According to research published by Psychological Reports, when self-acceptance is deficient, it’s difficult to practice mindfulness and gratitude.
For example, you may find it challenging to trust your achievements or success when you’re experiencing a lack of self-acceptance. When you learn how to like yourself, there’s less of a struggle accepting your failures and flaws. If you’re still struggling with that acceptance, you might begin doubting your talents and hard work. Instead, you start looking at them as lucky breaks when you experience success. As a result, it also becomes more challenging to accept compliments.
You Can Change These Patterns
Through daily practice, you can change these patterns by developing self-acceptance and learning how to like yourself. You’ll need to embrace three skills to achieve this goal:
- Awareness
- Emotional regulation
- Introspection
By embracing those skills, you’ll develop the courage to look inward no matter what challenges you’re experiencing. Here’s a more in-depth look at how to embrace these skills:
Develop Self-Awareness
Here are some critical questions you must ask yourself when developing self-awareness:
- Can you determine or define what bothers you the most?
- Does your inner-critic always remind you of shortcomings? If so, what are they?
- What qualities are you attempting to change, deny, or hide?
- Can you recognize these qualities without judging them or yourself?
- Can you see these qualities without criticizing yourself?
For example, change your mindset by viewing the wrinkles around your eyes as representing a fulfilled life, instead of being a facial feature flaw. Another example is looking at a mistake you made at work as just that—a mistake—instead of being a character flaw. Try observing the things occurring in your life—or your body—without judgment.
Manage Your Emotions
Learning how to like yourself and practicing self-acceptance involves managing your emotions. Feeling disappointed or upset is okay. However, you’ll run into trouble if you experience excessive self-criticism or self-blame.
Managing your emotions means you must look at the big picture and recognize that you’re human. By taking that approach, it may result in reducing the number of things that are upsetting you.
For example, instead of focusing on challenges or disappointments from one perspective, try looking at things from another point of view. In doing so, you might realize that the problems you’re facing are opportunities for growth.
Practice Introspection
When you’re self-accepting, that means you’re in this world in an authentic, kind, and soft way. That means owning your attributes instead of denying or hiding them. By becoming introspective, you recognize the fact that these qualities make you unique.
Instead of letting external events or outside opinions bring you down, allow them to shape you positively. That involves positive self-talk. For example, the next time you feel ashamed, blamed, or judged, talk to yourself the same way you would a friend. Understand that we’re much more than our imperfections and that everyone makes mistakes.
Ways to Learn How to Like Yourself
When looking at the idea of self-acceptance regarding how to like yourself, that means taking in stride your qualities no matter if they’re negative or positive. In doing so, you’re benefiting your peace of mind and overall mental health. Let’s look at ways to learn how to like yourself:
Confront Your Failings Fearlessly
Thinking about your weaknesses doesn’t mean you’re condemning yourself to a life of self-hatred. Instead, you’re accepting the failure at the face of it and understanding that it doesn’t define who you are right now.
Relish in Your Accomplishments
There’s no harm in taking several steps back and enjoying your accomplishments. That means, each time you do something well, take a moment to reflect on it, and admit your success. These don’t have to be monumental achievements. Instead, think about the meal you just cooked. Allow the compliments you receive from those you serve to sink in while you’re enjoying the meal.
Look in the Mirror Without Judgment
During this step, you’re learning how to like yourself by looking in the mirror and liking what you see. You might see blemishes or redness here and there. Instead of focusing on that, compliment yourself for how nice your hair or makeup looks.
Take Yourself Out on a Date
Learning how to spend time alone doing things you enjoy out in public is a challenge for some. However, it’s beneficial to do so. While on this date with yourself, devote time to thinking about what you’re experiencing. It could be anything from going to the movies, a restaurant you love, or a coffee shop you want to try. Reflect on what’s happening around you and how you’re enjoying time with yourself.
Strive for Realistic Betterment
Striving to become a better person is okay, so long as you don’t expect overnight changes. For example, you might feel upset over being overweight and that the pounds are taking a long time to come off. Instead of beating yourself up over slow weight loss, set a realistic timeline. That way, you’re working toward achievable and smart goals.
Stop Worrying About Your Appearance
This step is more challenging for some than others. Instead of feeling like you have to look “put together” or perfect all the time, take one or two days out of the week to be carefree. For example, you could avoid makeup on your day off. Or, you could dress down after work and not worry if anyone will see you. Don’t worry about impressing anyone but, instead, be comfortable with yourself.
Use Past Experiences to Grow
It’s okay to think about your past experiences, but don’t allow them to overwhelm you with regret. It’s common to wish you could turn the clock back and take back something you said or did. However, once you say or do something, you can’t take it back. However, think about what you learned from that experience and how it made you grow. If you haven’t apologized, make every effort to do so.
There’s No Such Thing as Perfection
Once you understand that no one is perfect, it’s less challenging to learn how to like yourself. It isn’t uncommon to feel like everyone else is better than you when you’re experiencing a lack of self-acceptance. While there are instances when individuals are better at some things than you are, that doesn’t make you less of a person. Instead of thinking negatively about that, accept it and determine what you can learn.
Accept Your Personality Traits
No matter if you’re the type who continually makes mistakes or is always living up to expectations, you must accept your personality traits. Those personality traits may include procrastinating or being too meticulous. Instead of berating your weaknesses, take a step back, and do a reality check. Your imperfections and personality traits don’t make you a worthless person. Everyone is different, and it’s impossible to fit into one mold.
Experience as Much Self-Satisfaction as Possible
While it might be challenging to like or experience 100% self-satisfaction, that doesn’t mean you can’t aspire to reach 75-80%. When you reach high scores like that, it means you’re experiencing satisfaction with the majority of your personality traits.
Don’t Focus on What You Don’t Have
It’s easy to get enthralled in focusing on what you don’t have. We can spend a lot of time throughout our lives, making that mistake. You might be thinking about what you could be doing, what you don’t have, or what you aren’t doing. Throughout all of that, you might find yourself trying to figure out ways to better yourself. You might feel you need to be better at athletics, school, work, social situations, or have a better appearance.
However, when you get caught in these trappings, you may not realize it’s all making you feel worse about yourself. When you continuously emphasize what is or might be wrong with your life or yourself, you’re not giving yourself enough room for acknowledging the good things happening to you. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, learn how to like yourself by acknowledging your strengths and embracing them.
Ways to Stop Minimizing Your Talents and Embrace Them
This series of steps is challenging and requires a significant amount of courage. The main reason is that you might not see what amazing things are within you. If you don’t recognize your positive traits, you’re not letting those parts of you shine.
Re-Write Your Story
You’re in control of your life’s narrative. Do you have negative thoughts about yourself? What caused them to manifest? Analyze situations where you may think badly about yourself. Then, identify triggers that may cause those feelings to resurface. Instead of ignoring those feelings, take ownership of them, and embrace your strengths.
It might sound challenging in the beginning, but that doesn’t have to be the case. Did you know that how you think about yourself could be influenced by your friends, parents, the media, your co-workers, and other outside stimuli? For example, if you do exceptionally well at managing finances, but others have told you throughout your life that you can’t handle money well, it might be challenging to embrace that strength.
At an early age, we learn how to act according to the expectations others put on us. In doing so, we’re overriding our real sense of self, as well as what we want out of life. This scenario involves developing a false sense of self, which can occur as young as our infancy. In other words, the way we feel about ourselves is a learned behavior. Therefore, you can retrain your brain and rewrite your life’s narrative.
Take Ownership Without Denial
Give some thought to this example—you’re a retail manager, and you and your team met all goals for the week regarding setting up advertising, stocking shelves, and sales quotas. Your district manager expresses how impressed they are with you and your team. Do you immediately pass that compliment off by saying, “I was hoping we’d achieve higher sales”? That reaction is typical when making yourself feel less than you are and denying success.
Disowning positive traits occurs for a variety of reasons. We might think that, if we own our positive characteristics, we’re threatening or egotistical. Others might feel worries regarding the responsibilities that come with owning their abilities. However, when you don’t take ownership and learn how to like yourself, you deny who you are and your real sense of self.
You’re trivializing yourself when denying your creativity, intelligence, leadership qualities, and listening skills. Developing a real sense of self means being honest regarding all of your strengths. So, if someone compliments you, don’t turn it down. Instead, thank them and embrace how to like yourself.
Look for Empowering and Positive Communities
It’s easy to join a “pity” or “self-depreciation” party when you’re surrounded by those who speak negatively about themselves. When you surround yourself with those who view themselves negatively, that naturally perpetuates negative self-talk.
You can find relaxation in spaces of self-acceptance when you find communities and friendships where individuals are celebrating who they are and their strengths. You’ll discover empowerment by involving yourself with groups of individuals who own their strengths.
Surrounding yourself with people who embrace their self-worth gives you a living model from which you can learn. Taking this step will show you that you’re not selfish when sharing your strengths with others. It’s natural to want to celebrate every part of ourselves.
You might be wondering how to find these communities. They’re easy to find once you get out of your comfort zone and start doing the things you love. For example, if you love photography or painting, enroll in a class. In doing so, you’re more likely to find others who are looking for the same boost in their spirits as you.
Don’t Be Afraid to Brag
It isn’t uncommon for people to believe bragging has a negative connotation. However, when you’re learning how to like yourself, it’s an incredibly liberating experience. You’ll find this is especially true if you don’t make a habit of bragging.
Find a group of individuals who share the same interests as you. Or, you can practice this step at home around the dinner table. The idea is that everyone takes turns talking about something they’re proud of themselves about, or what they consider a victory during that week. When they finish, everyone in the group claps.
Because the basis of our self-confidence and self-esteem often rests on the ability to take pride in our achievements, it’s healthy to brag about ourselves. You can avoid depression and boost your self-confidence by mentally patting yourself on the back.
Take Baby Steps Regarding How to Like Yourself
You might feel like learning how to like yourself is similar to learning how to love yourself. We’re not talking about “love” because, when you want to know how to like yourself, that must occur in baby steps. Liking yourself means being comfortable in your skin and not being afraid to share what’s on your mind.
For example, you may receive advice like smile at yourself when you look in the mirror. While this strategy might not seem like a big deal, you’re showing how you look outwardly to others when you smile instead of frown. Smiling to yourself helps relax your disposition and allows you to believe that happiness is possible throughout that day.
Don’t Set Expectations Too High
If you keep falling short of your expectations, it’s easy to start hating yourself. For example, you might have left a corporate job to pursue a start-up business. Your goal might be to earn at least two-thirds of your original income initially. However, you fail to give yourself enough time to market, develop a business plan, and manage schedules.
As a result, you find yourself working an insane amount of hours, and your business begins to suffer. Instead, you must re-examine the situation and set realistic business goals. In doing so, you’ll find that delegating work will help when you need more time to dedicate to scheduling, marketing, and other tasks. You’ll walk away feeling accomplished instead of defeated.
Create a Self-Esteem or “Kudos” File
Everyone receives positive feedback in one way or another from friends, co-workers, educators, or family members. Each time you receive a compliment, positive feedback, or other “kudos,” file them away. You can use anything from a digital folder on your computer to a manilla envelope you keep inside your desk drawer.
If you don’t receive written compliments, that doesn’t mean this tactic won’t work. Each time someone says something positive about you, write it down and put it in the folder. After a while, you won’t need to refer back to this file at all. In the meantime, though, it’s worth examining when you feel down about yourself.
Use Positive Self-Talk
We touched on this topic lightly, but it’s worth revisiting. When you’re trying to learn more about how to like yourself, that involves talking to yourself the same way you would a friend. For example, the next time you think negatively about yourself or use negative self-talk, ask yourself, “Is this how I would talk to my best friend?” Chances are, if you did, those friendships wouldn’t last.
Think about what you say to your friends. For example, you may have a friend undergoing a significant amount of stress. Instead of scolding them, you explain that you understand that the pressure is why they’re finding it challenging to attend to their responsibilities. You might also have a friend who you believe is heroic or who should listen to their feelings. Apply those same talking points to yourself.
Stop Being Full of Regret
Regret might be the root of why you’re having difficulty with how to love yourself. You might be having trouble getting over something you did last week, last year, or a decade ago. Instead of putting so much focus on that thing or those things, why not ask yourself, “what it takes to stop looking back?”
Try thinking about it this way—if you look back, that may compromise real events occurring in your current or future life. Then, once you take on that frame of mind, you realize that looking back with regret affects you as well as your peers. It’s a bad habit you can break. It might take conditioning techniques, but it’s not impossible.
As soon as you feel yourself experiencing regret, turn your attention firmly to something else. That “something” should be positive. It might be thoughts of a “happy place,” your favorite song, or something you want to learn. Embracing this strategy means you’re facing forward and bravely walking beyond those regrets.
Why Should You Learn How to Like Yourself?
As we already discovered, learning how to like yourself doesn’t mean you’re an egotistical or threatening person. Instead, you’re embracing your self-worth, who you are, and your successes. Let’s look at why else, learning how to like yourself is critical:
You’ll Become Stronger and More Powerful
The first thing you’ll learn about how to like yourself is that liking and respecting yourself is synonymous with others liking and respecting you. For example, if you continuously accommodate others, they may like you because of what you’re doing for them. However, they may not like you on an in-depth level because of the lack of confidence and weakness you’re showing.
Like Yourself Makes People Like You
That might sound odd and as though you’re forcing others to like you. However, those who like themselves are more attractive to others. No matter if it’s your partner or employer—if they like themselves, others want to be around them. The main reason is that they’re confident, positive, and care about their health. They also care about opportunities available in their personal and professional life.
You’ll Experience More Relaxation
When you learn how to like yourself, you’ll find that life is more fun and it’s easier to relax. For those who like themselves, it is natural to always be your best self and allow others to like the real you.
However, if you do the opposite, then you’re trying to get people to like you. That results in dishonesty in your relationships. Instead of relaxing and enjoying life, you find yourself walking on eggshells and using different masks with different individuals.
Final Thoughts
When you like yourself more, it becomes easier to be kind, be helpful, and like other individuals. You’ll find that, if you don’t like yourself, those feelings will flow into your world. For example, you may self-sabotage without realizing it’s happening.
What that means is if deep down, you don’t believe you deserve the successes or achievements in your future, you’ll sabotage those outcomes. It might not be intentional but instead acts that might prevent victories from occurring. Learning how to like yourself will prevent self-made obstacles from presenting themselves.