When we hear the phrase “get a life,” we think of different things. The phrase can be used as an insult – saying someone has “no life” generally means that they don’t attend many social events or don’t get out much. However, it’s not shameful to want to get a life. Sometimes, through work, everyday events, or just bad luck, we can end up feeling isolated. In this article, we aim to teach you how to change that.
Let Others In
People who are (or want to be) vastly successful sometimes believe that they must handle everything on their own. This couldn’t be further from the truth. If you rely on yourself too much, you will eventually feel burned out, cloistered, and stressed. It’s imperative that you rely on and delegate things to other people, especially if you are responsible for many or large jobs.
Why do you think people hire workers to take care of business work for them? The first reason that business owners do this is because it’s not worth their time or money to do other small jobs. By doing something more substantial and delegating less-important work to others, they earn more money in the long run – even more than the cost of paying the worker.
The same concept applies to everyday life and social situations. If you try to handle everything on your own, you won’t get as far as you would if you had reliable, friendly people in your corner. If you can learn to let others in when you’re feeling stressed and tired, you may find yourself feeling energized enough to take on even more substantial tasks.
We all know that being stressed holds us back from getting work done. In fact, stress is the arch-enemy of success. Feeling overly stressed can cause the following health problems:
- Lowered immune response
- Higher blood pressure
- Heart problems
- Higher prevalence of diabetes or cancer
- Gastrointestinal problems
- Musculoskeletal problems
- Restlessness and inability to sleep
- Drug abuse
Relying on others is not a replacement for having proper coping mechanisms and healthy habits surrounding stress, but it’s also a bad idea to never rely on anyone at all. The input of others can help you see situations differently, can calm you emotionally, and can help you feel like you’re not alone. Even for the most independent person, this is important from time to time.
Stop Multitasking
Many people live under the false impression that multitasking makes you work faster. However, new research suggests that this is not the case. Multitasking, in virtually all cases, is actually much less efficient than single-tasking (focusing on only one thing at a time). Multitasking is generally harmless in everyday life – folding laundry while watching TV, for example – but in other environments, such as at work or in the car, multitasking can be much more problematic. Research suggests that every time your brain switches between activities, it takes a fraction of a second to normalize itself again.
If, for example, you are driving along the highway and texting (a bad choice to begin with), that distraction could lead to many dangerous situations. Even something as seemingly harmless as singing to the radio while driving is technically multitasking, and it means you’re not 100% focused on either task.
If you’re at work, switching between multiple tasks might feel like you’re being more productive. However, this partial loss in brain activity and concentration adds up over the course of several days. Additionally, research suggests that people who think they’re good at multitasking aren’t nearly as adept as they might think!
This time loss is increased further as the things you’re doing get more complicated. Juggling several small, simple tasks, for example, might not make a big difference, but switching between two or more large, stressful assignments is exceptionally inefficient.
Work Less, but Harder
This section piggybacks off of the last one a bit. When you’re multitasking, you’re working on multiple things at a time, but you’re dedicating less concentration to each task. This might not feel like an issue for trivial tasks, but it actually affects your concentration and efficiency quite a lot, as we talked about above.
“Single-tasking” is derived from the concept of working less, but working harder. If you’re only working on one task at a time, you usually end up working much more efficiently than someone who’s multitasking. This is because when you switch between tasks, your brain has a habit of getting distracted. How often have you found yourself following a link to Facebook when you’re answering emails or the like?
When you devote yourself entirely to one task, often, you’ll find yourself getting “sucked into” it, so to speak. With this phenomenon, you’re so concentrated on one task that the time and effort invested into it seems to just fly by. This is a good thing – it means you’re at your best! However, when you’re multitasking, you often have to break yourself out of this concentration in order to switch between tasks.
Setting a deadline is another way to promote good concentration. If your job allows it, try to set deadlines for yourself to get out of work thirty minutes earlier. Believe it or not, if you’re diligent, doing this won’t result in getting less work done! If you set a deadline for yourself, especially one that you’ll have to work harder than usual to meet, you’ll end up cutting out a lot of procrastination in your day.
If you can save yourself an extra thirty minutes every workday, you can use that time for more personal things that you’ve always wanted to do. Use it for developing a new skill, going someplace new, hanging out with friends, or really anything you can think of!
Make a To-Do List
Making a to-do list is an excellent way to organize your thoughts and priorities, especially at work! When you make a to-do list, you put all of the most important things that you have to do down on paper, sometimes even in a specific order. If you make a to-do list at work, your productivity should increase – you can cut out less important things from your schedule as needed, and you can plan how much time you need to budget for any given activity.
With this in mind, make sure you keep one complete to-do list. If you write to-dos down haphazardly, such as on sticky notes all over your house or desk, you may miss some of the things you need to do, or it could take you even more time to find the notes. Try to put your lists in order of priority when you can, too.
If you’re not good at keeping a to-do notebook or list handy, consider writing to-do lists in your smartphone. It might take a little longer to get what you want set up, but you will always have all of your to-dos in one place this way. Additionally, smartphones offer increased functionality for your lists, such as reminders for when you need to do something, calendar integration, voice recording, and more.
Alternatively, if you often use a computer, there are many free online to-do list tools that you can utilize. These will sometimes integrate with calendars or email reminders, making them equally as helpful as your smartphone, and they usually offer additional useful functionality, sometimes at a cost.
Try following the 1-3-5 rule. With this rule, you set a series of goals for yourself each day: one significant goal, three medium goals, and five small goals. This way, you’re not too overwhelmed by too many large goals, but you still get quite a lot done through the other, more modest goals. This strategy is an ideal way to get a productive amount of work done without expecting too much of yourself or overexerting yourself.
Let Loose
People have different ideas of what “having a life” means. One of those definitions is going out often and having fun on the town. This can be done through partying, going out to eat, trying new activities, or meeting with friends! In order to keep stress down and fun up, treating yourself to new activities every so often is crucial.
You should choose at least one fun activity each week that you’re doing for your sake alone. Make this an activity that helps you in the long run, like educating yourself by reading a book, or make it something done purely for enjoyment, like marathoning your favorite TV show. However, you should commit to doing this at least once per week, if possible, and it’s even better if you can spend this time with old friends (or even make new ones)!
This activity should be anything that you know will bring you happiness. It can be something you’ve done before but have fallen out of the habit of doing, like playing an instrument or playing a sport. Or, it can be something that you’ve always wanted to try but have never had the time for. If you make the time to include these activities in your life, you’ll find yourself feeling happier!
Below are some suggestions on how you can let loose after work or on the weekends:
- Go on a blind date
- Try rock climbing
- Visit a new restaurant
- See a new movie
- Go to a local concert
- Get a massage
- Plan a day at the spa
- Go dancing
Some people, especially workaholics, might find it hard to take this advice to let loose. If you can manage it, you will be well on your way to getting a more exciting life for yourself.
Spend Time Alone
Spending time alone might seem counterintuitive to building an exciting life for yourself. However, in the same way that hanging out with others can bring excitement, spending too much time with others can be detrimental. It’s essential to spend time alone, as well, in order to understand what you want and need.
Sometimes, to build a healthy social life for yourself, you may need to withdraw from your current crowd. Spending some time alone to discover yourself comes in here. If you’re afraid to spend time alone, you will end up relying on others for too much. It’s crucial to maintain a balance between relying only on others and relying only on yourself.
Having a very exciting life can not always be a positive thing. Sometimes, partying and having fun can be taken to extremes. It’s important to avoid this if you can, and withdraw from it if you find yourself in that situation. You are never obligated to participate in anything that you don’t want to. Keep this in mind when working to build a fun social life for yourself, and never be afraid to say no.
Sometimes, to know what you truly want, it can be necessary to remove yourself from the influences of those around you. When you spend too much time with friends in social situations, your wants and goals can become affected by those around you. To keep a firm grasp on what you want to achieve, don’t be afraid to take some time to yourself.
Love Your Neighbor
When you treat others like you want to be treated, others treat you better as well. This goes for making true, lasting friendships, as well as productive acquaintances. Show interest in others, too, and try to at least show a cursory interest in what they enjoy or what they do. If you extend courtesies to others, you’ll often find that you’ll be repaid in kind down the road.
When it comes down to building a social life, people will not want to hang out with you if you’re not enjoyable to hang around with. Be generous, both with your time and your attention – at least as much as you’re comfortable with. The amount will vary by person, but as long as you value others’ company, you will find a group of friends or peers to enjoy spending time with.
Moreover, be genuine, and be yourself. Loving your neighbor is all well and good, but don’t force yourself to give more than you’re comfortable with. If you do this, not only will you wear yourself out emotionally, but you’ll attract the kinds of people who will take advantage of it. Read about some of the best ways to show that you love your neighbor (and be generous) below.
- Handwrite a note or letter to someone instead of sending a text or email
- Recycle
- Give blood
- Adopt a soldier
- Say “please” and “thank you”
- Volunteer
- Donate
- Resist the urge to gossip at work or among friends
Doing things like this will not only make you a better person. It will also attract others to you. When people see you doing good deeds, they will admire you as a person, and they may even be inspired to do some good deeds themselves. By changing yourself for the better, you can help start small changes in those around you, too. That’s the ultimate way to love your neighbor.
Surpass Your Limits
This section may seem counter to what we talked about in the previous section, and to a point, it is. In order to keep yourself competitive and thriving as a person, you should always aim to surpass your previously set limits. You can apply this to social situations, as well, but only to a point, as we said above. Don’t be afraid to test your limits, but don’t push your boundaries further than what you feel you’re able to handle.
The above may sound paradoxical, but there is a fine line to walk between the two, and this applies to all things. Say “yes” to things that scare you that you wouldn’t normally try, but don’t become a “yes man,” either. Essentially, be sure to broaden your horizons and your experiences without pushing yourself too far or exhausting yourself.
Surpassing your limits also means not to limit yourself. This is related to the above, but it’s also not quite the same. In addition to exceeding your own limits, be aware of the restrictions that the world puts upon you. Throw these to the wind! Those that have historically bucked the rules have been some of the most successful. If something interests you, give it a try, even if it’s something society might consider taboo or impossible.
- Email your favorite writer or author who inspires you
- Go for a risky business venture
- Invent something new and exciting
- Follow your deepest dreams, even if they don’t seem attainable or feasible
- Pursue anything that interests you
Stop Complaining
We often fall prey to complaining about our situations when things don’t go our way. While confiding in and venting to others, this follows the same rules as above – don’t rely on others entirely. It will sometimes be necessary for you to rely on yourself – there are some things that friends and family just cannot help with. If you try to push them to anyway, you will alienate them from you, too.
Stop complaining about your situation! If you’re reading this article, you have internet access and are a part of the most technologically-advanced age yet known to man. We have it pretty good. No one likes a complainer, either in general or to hang around. When you get the urge to complain about something, take a moment to think about whether it’s really worth it or whether you should be thankful instead.
When you’re a thankful, happy person, people will enjoy being around you more. Good friends don’t mind hearing you vent from time to time, but don’t turn it into a habit! As a positive, thankful person, you will attract others who are also positive, thankful people. As a gloomy complainer, you’ll also attract gloomy complainers!
If you want to attract the type of peer group that will help you build a fulfilling, healthy, happy social life, then work on changing what you’re thankful for. Just a small shift in your view – being grateful for having a car, for example, instead of complaining about traffic – can change how you view the whole world, and additionally, how the world views you.
Prepare
If you’re looking to get a life, you’re going to need to prepare. Several of the tips that we mentioned in this article are great ways to get started. We recommend that you start by changing yourself, first, to get ready for the life you want. If you can become the person you want to be, you will surely attract the people you want to meet, too.
However, this isn’t all there is to it. Being prepared is another aspect you’ll need to consider. You should be prepared for anything that comes your way in the new life you’ll be living, including things like new adventures, unlikely friends, important vocations, and more!
Preparing also means being proactive. If there’s something you want – in this case, a more exciting, socially-fulfilled life – get ready for it! Make time during your week to do things with friends or on your own. Research new, fun activities that you might want to try. Just as you would go to a dating site when you’re ready to settle down, you should prepare equally when you want a more fulfilling social life.
Proactivity is a trait that you will find in the most successful people. It naturally follows that, if you want to be successful with your endeavors, that you should be proactive. Proactivity involves both preparing for the worst situations and paving the way for ideal circumstances. To start being proactive, try the following:
- Look for ways to solve your problems
- Don’t focus on things that are out of your control
- Create a plan from your findings
- Take the initiative to enact your solutions
Set Goals
In most cases, you won’t be able to just get a life overnight. Instead, it’s better to set small, achievable goals to get you where you want to be gradually. If you try to do it all at once, you risk exhausting yourself or estranging people close to you.
We mentioned the 1-3-5 approach before – don’t hesitate to make liberal use of this approach or look for other methods that suit you. There are hundreds of resources available on and offline to help you reliably set and reach your goals.
However, always keep in mind that the way you set your goals is equally as important as the goals you set. The best, most attainable goals are quantifiable – such as, “I want to leave work 30 minutes early today.” An unquantifiable goal, like, “I want to leave work earlier,” will neither give you a direction nor a plan to work with. The former goal gives you both. Your plan is to leave work 30 minutes early, and your direction is by working harder.
To gain an active social life, set small social goals for yourself, such as the one above. Slowly work towards improving yourself, attracting the friends and peers that you’re looking for, and living the exciting life that you’ve been longing for.
Save It
This is one thing that many people might not think of when preparing to get a life. However, if you want to be a person who goes out on exciting adventures on a regular basis, you will need to have the funds available to do so. While different activities will require differently-sized investments, the vast majority of your social activities will cost something. Very few are free.
If you’re in a financial bind, you may be able to find some free activities to do with friends, but as we mentioned, your options will be limited. Alternatively, finding a friend group that is willing to alternate or split costs for things could help you, as well. We’ve listed a few free activities below for your convenience.
- Art fairs
- Flea markets
- Parks
- Some beaches
- Wilderness camping and hiking (not counting the cost of supplies)
- Some museums
- Dinners or movies in
- Board games
In any case, prepping your finances for nights spent out and about is a good idea if you want to get the most out of your new social life! Although the options are there, if you don’t get creative, you’ll quickly run out of free options for social night if you never plan to spend money on it.
Final Thoughts
Getting a life isn’t a particularly difficult thing to do. However, it does take a bit of effort from you to make it a reality! If you want to foster a thriving social life for yourself, you’ll have to be willing to carry out the proper steps, both to ready yourself and your situation.
We recommend tackling yourself first if you want to have a successful social life. Then, when you believe you’re ready, tackle the rest of your life, too. Make some extra time to have fun alone or with friends, and make sure you have the finances set up for all of this fun. More than anything, though, make sure you’re having all this fun with a reliable group of peers. Once you have all those things down, you officially have gotten yourself a life!