Every day we meet people through various interactions, from the gas station attendant to the mail courier. Some of those people fade into the background, some of them stand out, good or bad, and others have a lasting impression on us.
What makes certain people passing through stick out so much to us? Perhaps it is something about something they said or how they made us feel. In one way or another, they were able to leave a wholesome impression on you. So, we find ways to forge a friendship or keep a connection with these people.
If you’ve never met a wholesome person, imagine characters like Phoebe from the hit show Friends, Carlton from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, or Mr. Rogers from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. What these characters have in common is they are all easy going; they may give you “good vibes.”
If anyone said that any of these three characters did something to hurt others or be malicious, you wouldn’t believe it. They’ve developed wholesome personalities, and you can develop one too! Let’s dive right in so you can learn to become wholesome and reap the benefits of a pristine reputation.
Here’s what you can expect from this guide, in case you want to skip ahead.
- The Characteristics of a Wholesome Personality
- The Stages of Developing a Wholesome Personality
- Changing Your Personality Traits
- Becoming Wholesome
What Are the Characteristics of a Wholesome Personality?
You probably have a general sense of what it means to have a wholesome personality. When I think of the people I’ve met who were positive influences, I describe them as being knowledgeable but behaving innocently. Wholesome people are not dull or naive; however, they may not act in egotistical ways.
Those whom I would consider being wholesome are folks who would go out of their way to help others yet have plenty of sense not to let others take advantage of them. While they may have their wits about them, they use their knowledge, skills, and resources to uplift others, right?
Wholesome people may bring their bright presence into other’s lives for the sole purpose of shining light where there is darkness. Wholesome people don’t need to gain anything from their interactions to feel fulfilled.
Core Values
An emphasis on core values is something that many wholesome people share in common. Spend some time coming up with your core values. If you aren’t sure where to start when it comes to defining your core values, you can start here.
Taking the time to get to know what is essential to you, helps you break out of the mold, and become closer to your whole self. Why blindly follow what other people care about when you can decide for yourself what is best for you, what values the best suit you, and what beliefs you will hold dear?
Defining your core values will help you create more satisfaction and meaning within your life. When you know what’s important to you, you have a game plan for how you’ll invest your energy, time, and resources.
In turn, you will be developing yourself into a wholesome person who has much to give regarding the things you care for most.
Expressing Yourself
The way you choose to express who you are and what you do helps others understand who you are. When you give off a particular attitude or show specific interests, other people can develop a sense of the type of person you are. People with wholesome personalities express themselves in ways that put others’ at ease.
You may notice that other people may change the way they treat you based on the way you present yourself. The way you behave, the way you look, the way you speak, and how you treat others will affect the way others treat you and interact with you.
It may sound judgemental, and in some ways, it is. But, the only part that you can worry about when it comes to the way others’ react to you is what you’re putting out to them. The way other people accept or receive you is not of your concern. You can only concern yourself with putting the best expression of yourself forward.
The Art of the Right Response
Another aspect of a wholesome personality is the culmination of your responses. Remember that you cannot control what other people say, do, think, or feel. However, you can control the way you react.
If your reactions differ based on who you’re with or who’s watching, you have some personal development to do. When you’re developing your wholesome way of being, you should focus on your reactions across the board.
Whether the situation is in public, private, with friends, or strangers, you should react and respond to people, places, and things with kindness, genuineness, with patience, and grace.
Take a moment to reflect on the different ways you react and think about how you can improve. Self-reflection is an excellent tool for building up and refining your responses.
The Whole Self
You can sum up your whole self as a combination of the socio-cultural, biological, psychological, and physiological ways of being each person has. The way a person thinks feels, acts, and relates to others becomes a part of their whole self or identity.
For example, someone who is raised in a traditional, catholic, Hispanic household may think, act, feel, and relate to others very differently than someone who grew up in a progressive, multi-ethnic, non-religious family. The differences between the two people could vary significantly, even when faced with the same situation.
What’s interesting is that with nurture comes to nature, so even though the two may have had upbringings that were fundamentally different, they could have the same ideas very much. They could also react as opposites.
No matter your upbringing, past or present experiences, or otherwise, you can develop your identity to be as wholesome as you please.
The Stages of Developing a Wholesome Personality
There are three factors at play that affect the current shape of your personality. Environment, heredity, and experience, like we discussed earlier.
Your environment includes everyone and everything in your immediate surroundings, including individuals, groups, and institutions. Your environment also includes institutions like the government, media, and your school.
Heredity affects your personality because you’re born with specific traits. You inherit genes that affect things like the color of your skin, your hair and eye color, your height, or your bone structure.
Your experiences will share commonalities with others but will also be unique to you. For example, it’s common for most children in America to have at least 12 years of formal education in the public or private school system. But your schooling experience may be different than that of others.
Understanding the Ideal
The first part of personality development is coming to understand what your ideal is. You likely won’t happen upon a wholesome personality without a little thought and effort. So, what are the characteristics of the character you want to develop?
If becoming wholesome is ideal, then you should seek to consistently be wholesome in your behaviors and actions, various expressions, and among your psychological and physiological reactions.
Most people don’t wake up one day, decide to be wholesome, and become that way instantly. It’s a process that happens over time. In time, with intention and focus on consistency, you’ll develop into your ideal.
Self-Awareness
The next step in the process is self-awareness. Self-awareness can commence by something outside of yourself. For example, when you take the time to hear what others are saying about you, or study their reactions to you. This feedback helps you come up with awareness.
You may look in the mirror and become aware of your appearance. Or you may pay attention to the way you feel about something that helps you become aware of your emotions. It’s essential to take in all of the feedback you can get.
Self-Realization
Self-realization is similar to self-awareness in that you become aware of things you may not have noticed before. Where self-awareness is indirect, self-realization is the direct and intentional realization of who you are.
Self-realization comes from a conscious effort such as meditation, journaling about who you are, what you need, or what you desire. Your deliberate effort to be who you are is self-realization. The feedback only comes from within you.
Making the Decision to Change
Some folks may question whether or not one can simply change their personality. Whether personality is permanent or alterable is debatable, but one thing is sure, to achieve it, you must believe it.
Whatever your current personality is, you have parts of it that you don’t make you happy. You must make the decision to change and the commitment to do what you can to change it. Consider that there are broad personality traits that you may not be able to change, but there are smaller parts that you can.
For example, you may not be able to focus on who you find physically attractive – some people simply catch your eye, and others don’t, right? But you can change your belief system, your inner voice, your coping mechanisms, and your goals.
Implementing the Change
Once you’ve decided to change, you only need to begin implementing the changes. In this stage, you can focus on improving your habits, changing your self-beliefs, and concentrate on the process. Below, we’ll go deeper into how to work on implementing changes.
Can You Change Your Personality?
Are you going to change yourself from being an introvert who’s not open to risk-taking or adventure into an extravert who will go skydiving on a whim? Well, you should never say never. A change like that may be unlikely but not impossible.
There are plenty of experts who would agree that there are tons of things you can do to make real, lasting changes to specific aspects of your personality.
Bring Your Focus to Habit Changing
There are numerous personality traits to have, some positive, some negative, and some neutral. If you want to change some of those, you must focus on improving your habits.
Psychologists who study personality, like Carol Dweck, have learned that those people who exhibit positive personality traits, such as honesty and kindness, do so because they’ve developed positive habits – such as responses.
Remember that we discussed your responses as part of an overall wholesome personality earlier? Well, developing habitual reactions by changing your habits is one way to create the change you seek in your nature.
Breaking old habits and forming new ones isn’t the easiest thing to do, sure. However, with consistency and commitment, you’ll find that changing your habits over time is very real and possible.
Change Your Inner Voice
Your inner voice or your self-beliefs can define you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t change them. Someone who believes that intellect can’t be changed may not seek out more in-depth knowledge and understanding. Someone who believes that great people can be cultivated, not simply born, may seek to become great.
Understanding how changing your inner voice and self-belief is the key to making monumental changes in your life, including attaining the personality you want.
All you have to do is believe that your traits are changeable, not fixed. That starts with changing what you think about yourself. You can begin by researching positive affirmations, building your self-confidence, and consciously choosing to believe in yourself.
Take Your Time with the Process
Dweck’s research has paved the way for a new line of thinking. Her work notes that by praising effort rather than ability is the key to success. When a child receives praise for good grades, rather than repeating, “You got good grades because you’re so smart!” one should show appreciation with, “You got great grades because you worked so hard!”
This simple change in mindset allows for growth. Rather than teaching kids or adults that things happen to them, praising effort teaches that things happen because of them.
So, leave your fixed mindset behind, adopt a growth mindset, and you will find that you too can experience real personality change.
Becoming Wholesome
Changing one’s personality is not some wild idea with no merit. It’s an entirely attainable goal. With the more profound knowledge and understanding that growth and change are possible, it’s time to move forward and learn just what it takes to be wholesome.
Below, we’ll talk about specific changes you can adopt to develop a more wholesome personality and make the change lasting.
Don’t Be Afraid to Own Your Faults
Everyone is human, and that means that everyone has faults. That also means it’s okay for you have them. No one is perfect. The best thing you can do is own your flaws, reflect on them, and learn from your mistakes.
Don’t go around pretending like you are the only person in the world who hasn’t hurt someone else, hasn’t done something you weren’t proud of, or haven’t made any mistakes. By owning your faults, you put others at ease.
When other people see you for being human, they can trust that they are OK to be themselves around you, without judgment. When you’re working on becoming a wholesome human being, owning your faults is a big step. Be honest with yourself and others about your humanity.
Develop Inner Happiness
Do you know what people who bring others’ joy all have in common? They’re happy people. They are well adjusted, with positive coping mechanisms, and bringing joy to others brings them joy. Yes, they are still human, and they are not perfect, they have ups and downs just like the rest of us as well.
However, their inner shining light comes from a place of happiness. Do you need to be the world’s brightest ray of sunshine? No, but you do need to do the inner work to become a happy person. When you’re happy, it allows you to be happy for others.
For example, if you’re unhappy with your life, you might feel jealous or annoyed when someone else is having a bit of good fortune. Instead, if you’re a generally happy person, when someone shares their good luck with you, you can react with happiness for them, because you are genuinely full of joy to hear that something is going well for someone else.
Take the time to curate inner peace; you’ll thank yourself for it later.
Take Pride in Your Appearance
This one sounds a little like what you look like dictates what kind of person you are, and that’s not the point we want to get across here. There are plenty of people who don’t dress up at all, don’t style their hair, and don’t care about their outward appearance, who are some of the best, most beautiful people you’ve ever met.
We’re not saying you need to dress to the nines or spend hours in the mirror each day getting ready for others. Taking pride in your appearance is a small thing you can do for yourself that allows you to feel confident in your skin.
Take the time to choose clothing that makes you feel comfortable and happy. Some people like to wear bright colors to brighten their moods. Others want to dress within the greyscale to simplify their lives.
Whatever the case may be, develop your sense of style and roll with it. If simplicity is your thing, that’s cool too. Just make sure that you’re happy with your outward appearance because it will help you in changing those self-beliefs we discussed earlier.
Meditate
Meditation is like exercise for your brain; it helps you bring focus, attention, and awareness to your inner self. Since you’ll be working on controlling your responses and reactions throughout all of your interactions, mediation is a great tool to help you gain more control.
Whether you’ve never tried meditation before, or you’ve tried it and felt that it wasn’t for you, we’re here to advocate for giving it a first or second shot. There are so many ways to meditate that you need only to find the way that suits you.
One of those most common forms of meditation is mindfulness meditation. In this form, you bring your attention to one thing that you have control over, such as your breath, a specific image in your mind, or physical representation. Choose whatever kind of meditation will help you develop control over your mind, body, responses, and inner peace.
Have Humility
There’s no doubt that you’ve accomplished some great things. You should be proud of where you’ve come from, how hard you’ve worked, and all your accomplishments.
That being said, use your experiences to give unto others. Know how to revel in your accomplishments with humility. Rather than bragging about what you’ve done, find ways to use your experiences, knowledge, and insight to uplift others.
Be Passionate
Be passionate in your thoughts, be ardent in your actions. Be passionate in all that you do. When you bring with you your drive to do what you’re doing, you can’t fail.
If your goal is to become a wholesome person, seek out wholesomeness with your passion from within. Think about what you want, envision it, go after it with the fire in your heart, and make it happen, passionately.
Practice Active Listening
Don’t listen to speak when others are talking, listen to understand. When you’re taking steps to become a genuinely wholesome, active listening is a skill you should seek to develop.
Practice by repeating what someone is saying to you in your head. Rather than thinking about what you’re going to say when they finish speaking, strive to hear what they are saying.
With a little practice, you’ll become a great active listener, and you’ll be able to see the transformation happen within your communication style and skill level.
Hold Yourself Accountable
If you want others to count on you and your commitment to positivity and well-being, you’ve got to hold yourself accountable. That means keeping your word if you give it, not making promises you can’t keep, and not letting yourself or others down when they’re counting on you.
Be your hero, know that you can trust yourself and count on yourself. Your light will radiate from within, and others will rely on you too.
The exception to this rule is not to burn yourself out or put your health, safety, or mental well-being at risk to serve others. Have healthy boundaries, and don’t put yourself in a position that strains you.
Recognize Toxicity
If you’re genuinely a wholesome person at heart, there is one thing you should keep in mind. That is toxicity. If you’re the right person with good intentions, it can be hard to think the worst of people or make assumptions. You might do the opposite and assume that all folks are good and decent because you are.
While it’s okay to be the person who lends a hand to others, don’t be the person that gets their hand bit off, feeding others.
Recognize toxicity in others and understand that you can’t save the world. There won’t be enough of you for you or for helping others if someone or something toxic is threatening to put out your flame.
Apologize When Necessary
Have you ever met a person who never apologized any time that they were wrong? It’s probably one of my pet peeves. Some folks will know they are wrong, perhaps even acknowledge it, but they won’t apologize as appropriate.
Don’t be one of those people; it will make you come off as untrustworthy. If you’re wrong, accept it, own it, apologize, move along. Repeat.
Be a Positive Influence
Whether you’re using a light or flame as your vision during meditation or just thinking quite literally, be someone’s light. There are folks out there who’ve been in the dark for far too long.
A single flame can help others in significant ways. Helping others will fulfill you in many ways too. If you can help it, be someone’s light. Be the positive influence you wish you’d had sooner.
Let Go of Expecting Things from Others
Don’t do things with the expectation of things in return. Do them because they’re accomplishing something for yourself or someone else. Do things from the bottom of your heart. Do things just to do them, because you can or because you want.
Give freely and openly, rather than with the expectation of receiving something in return. In time, you’ll be so full of gratification; it’ll be more than you ever needed.
Wrapping Things Up
Becoming a wholesome human being isn’t putting on a perfect outfit, and having an air about you because you style your hair like the Stepford wives and smile all the time.
Being wholesome is a lifestyle shift, a whole way of being. It takes time, dedication, energy, and commitment to growth.
If you’re not naturally the person you want to be, don’t assume it’s just not in the cards for you. If you have an example in your personal life of a wholesome, genuine person, then you know first hand that such people exist.
And guess what? They likely weren’t born with the perfect reaction across the board, the ability to uplift others or promote well-being. It was something they chose to work on, enjoyed the process, and let the culmination of their hard work take over. You can do it too; when you need a little help, refer back to this guide.