Before you can learn how to be the bigger person, you must first understand what that means. Some believe that being the bigger person involves walking around with a superiority complex. Being this kind of person has nothing to do with how you see others or finding that others are beneath you.
In this guide, we’re going to dive deeper into what it means to be the bigger person. We’re also going to detail how to achieve that goal. In doing so, you’ll have a better understanding of why this is important and how it will help you grow as an individual.
What Does Being the Bigger Person Mean?
Being the bigger person has many definitions. In this case, we’re focusing on preventing yourself from allowing your anger or thought processes during a situation and dictate your responses. When you’re calm and use measured responses, you’re ensuring you’re not hurting others because you’re the bigger person. Being the bigger person also means you’re not allowing others to run you down when you’re using kindness and politeness to be assertive.
Learning how to be the bigger person doesn’t mean you have to suppress your feelings. It also doesn’t mean you should be puffing your chest out with pride because you possess specific skills. Instead, you’re learning how to live according to your values and beliefs despite other forces that might try knocking you down.
If you find yourself becoming part of a conversation or activity that leads you away from your authentic self, being the bigger person means you’re declining an invitation to participate. You might be seeing yourself as someone better than any challenges you’re facing. You also see yourself as someone who is broader than your habits or limitations.
When you’re working toward achieving this goal, that also means your claiming your power about the decision regarding who you’re going to be when outside forces challenge everything you believe.
Why is Being the Bigger Person Important?
Remember, being a bigger person doesn’t mean you’re allowing others to walk all over or bully you. Instead, it means you’re doing the right thing despite the actions of others. You’re not letting the bad behavior or pettiness of others distract you from your goals.
When you know how to be the bigger person, it allows you to achieve multiple goals, including:
- Showing levels of maturity and how to act like an adult
- Having fewer regrets
- Being assertive and unwilling to let others push you around
- Improving your mental health
- Impacting how others see you
Focusing on How to Be the Bigger Person
Another situation where the technique of being a bigger person is when someone drags you into an argument, and you don’t know how to get out. These arguments stop when you know how to be the bigger person. Let’s look at how to achieve that goal.
Addressing the Issue
When you take a moment to address the individual who dragged you into the argument, you’ll find it’s beneficial for both of you. Explain to them how you believe the discussion will affect each of you. Include essential phrases, including anger, irritability, and stress.
Avoid Retaliation
During the argument, you might feel the urge to retaliate. Instead, refocus and try to tame that anger. Use the counting method while breathing deeply as a way of calming yourself down.
Avoid Engaging in the Argument
Some people thrive on the opposition and wanting to win arguments. Giving in to that kind of negative attention means you’re giving someone attention they don’t deserve. Avoid those who try to goad you into debates. That way, you’re not participating in that individual’s need for feeling a temporary sense of power.
Quick Tips for How to Be the Bigger Person
You might feel like, even though you’re an adult, high school drama is still surrounding you. One of the biggest lessons you can learn during adulthood is how to be the bigger person. While it might be challenging, taking these steps is worth every effort. Here are some quick tips to keep in mind when trying to achieve this goal:
- If the drama isn’t critical, focus on what matters
- Understand both sides of a situation and why someone is acting in a specific manner
- Think about your actions and if you’ll be proud of them later
- Avoid allowing your emotions to dictate how you act
- Always release your anger in a healthy manner
- If it isn’t worth your effort or time, move on
- Have a conscious and remain empathetic
Digging Deeper This Strategy
Instant reactions can be damaging, no matter what situation you’re facing. Taking the time that you believe is necessary to think things over is vital. You’ll find yourself in cases where prompt responses are required. However, don’t be afraid to tell someone that you need time to think things through.
When you tell someone, you need more time, and that you’ll get back to them as soon as possible, that’s a positive step toward being a bigger person. The main reason is that you’re exerting control over a situation without being aggressive. Instead, you’re preventing yourself from acting in anger and malice, which you could regret later.
Throughout your life, you’ll notice that it’s still challenging to be the bigger person. Wanting to react negatively is a natural response to someone who is causing you harm. In the long run, though, that action will lead to regret. You’ll feel uncomfortable about the situation and your decision to act that way.
If you still have a connection to that person, those feelings could lead you to experience difficulty looking them in the eye. Think about all the people who could be in the line of fire if you consistently decide to react negatively. Then, think about how wrong it is to inflict harm unnecessarily on those who unknowingly or unwilling to become embroiled in the disagreement.
You’re Allowed to Disconnect
Even though it’s a standard way of thinking, there’s no need to remain in contact with the person with whom you’re experiencing constant conflict. You have complete control over the individuals with whom you socialize. Being the bigger person doesn’t mean you’re throwing caution to the wind and putting yourself in the shoes of those causing you harm. It doesn’t mean that at all.
If you find that avoiding this person because they’re causing you stress or anxiety, take steps to do so. Making that decision doesn’t mean you’re failing at being the bigger person. Instead, you’re taking steps toward achieving better mental health. If the person you’re dealing with is a co-worker or family member, disconnection might be a bit more challenging.
Because disconnection isn’t always a possibility, show how to be a bigger person by being civil to that individual during every interaction. You’re acting maturely, and, in doing so, you’re preventing others from feeling uncomfortable around you. You’ll find this is especially important at weddings and other special occasions. All you have to do is acknowledge that you know the other person’s presence is essential.
You Don’t Have to Forgive Blindly
Being a bigger person doesn’t mean you blindly forgive someone else. If you believe someone is mistreating you or walking all over you, there’s no reason to forgive and forget. Instead, tell that person that you would appreciate hearing an apology from them. Don’t bring up anything about forgiveness.
Leave the “thank you” that you give them open for interpretation. You don’t owe these individuals an explanation. There’s no requirement for you to feel a particular way. Even if you feel an obligation to do so, you’ll find this is especially true if that compromise makes you experience negative feelings later.
Embrace the Pursuit of Knowledge
Learning about how to be the bigger person involves consistent effort, which means reading and absorbing as much information as possible. Support your journey by reading about random acts of kindness to help inspire you to reach your goals. Or, you can learn about how to challenge yourself to do these things. The Practical Kindness Challenge by Third Eye Press is an excellent place to start.
Even though you’re looking for support and learning more about how to be a bigger person, that doesn’t mean you won’t find yourself in a situation where you want to respond hastily. If you feel like the response is eating you up inside, then this is an excellent opportunity to show how you can be the bigger person. Start by contacting the person as soon as possible and apologizing for your response.
Apologizing doesn’t mean you’re taking responsibility for the conflict. Instead, you’re apologizing for and accepting responsibility for your actions. You’re showing that person that your reaction isn’t reflective of who you are as a person. Taking this step gives you the upper hand while keeping things positive. That might trigger events whereby your relationship or friendship gets back on track.
How to Be a Bigger Person During a Breakup
There’s a broad range of reasons why relationships end. Sometimes these reasons make sense. Then, there are other times when nothing makes sense. No matter the reason for the breakup, that doesn’t stop the pain. However, that isn’t an excuse to put your hurt feelings on someone else.
It’s challenging to be the bigger person following a breakup. You’ll find this is particularly true if you’re the person on the receiving end of bad news. Emotions are high during a breakup, which leads to individuals struggling with remaining calm, cool, and collected.
The Importance of Being the Bigger Person During a Breakup
As difficult as it is, being the bigger person during a breakup is the best thing to do. In doing so, you’re preventing yourself from doing or saying something you’ll regret later. Wish that person well while keeping your head high and your dignity intact.
Everyone knows the pain of betrayal. It causes a constant urge to pick up the phone and tell the person causing you to feel pain precisely how you feel. Even though you believe saying those things will make you feel better, that isn’t true. Being the bigger person helps you avoid this situation altogether.
Avoid Screaming and Pleading
You might also feel the urge to scream at this person and beg them to reconsider. That isn’t something that will benefit you at all. While your emotions are high, you might believe that begging and screaming might change their mind. Unfortunately, that isn’t true.
During a breakup, that person expects you to become an emotional wreck. They’re anticipating endless pleas for them to stay along with a waterfall of tears. In the long run, none of these reactions will produce positive results. That’s why you must be the bigger person.
Accept Your Reality
When you hear the person with whom you had a relationship, tell you that it’s over, show them how you can be the bigger person by replying, “okay.” Keep a smile on your face, nod in agreement, and tell them goodbye. Those actions will baffle this other person.
However, when it’s all said and done, they’ll think more highly of you and your reaction. While it might cause that person to feel regretful of their decision to end things with you, it gives you a sense of positive closure. Staying calm during a difficult time shows the person who you are, as well as that you’ll use your time alone to reflect on your emotions.
Not Losing Your Cool is Beneficial
You might believe the two of you are soulmates who are meant to be together. However, that’s not an excuse for losing your cool. You’ll feel better about yourself if you don’t. Because you’re keeping your dignity intact, that reality allows you to walk away as a stronger and better person.
Remember, being the bigger person isn’t to benefit the other person with whom you’re dealing. Instead, it’s beneficial to you. If you’re in the habit of thinking about or putting others first, thinking this way might be challenging. It isn’t impossible, though.
When Being the Bigger Person Isn’t Best?
Learning about how to be the bigger person also includes knowing when it isn’t right. Do you know parents who force their children to be in relationships with emotionally abusive relatives? If you can identify with that situation in any way, then you’re on the right path toward knowing when being the bigger person isn’t the right choice.
Are you afraid of burning bridges with family because you don’t know when you’ll need them again? You can apply that thought process to employers, friends, and co-workers as well. In theory, it sounds like a smart philosophy. However, when someone is mistreating you, that isn’t the case. Instead of feeling like someone is giving you pearls of wisdom, it might feel like you’re wearing a target on your back.
When someone tells you not to burn bridges, that not always the best advice. They’re telling you that, no matter how someone is treating you, you must do all you can to maintain that relationship. In doing so, you’re allowing those who are hurting you to make you believe that you’re the problem.
These people will refer to you as rude or combative if you demand respect. When you try to disconnect with these individuals, they’ll say that you’re someone who holds grudges. Their peers will act outwardly negatively because you refuse to abide by the idea that, no matter the situation, they’re still your family.
What does burning these bridges mean in terms of how to be the bigger person? Burning these bridges is a healthy way of distancing yourself from toxic people. No matter if they’re family or a long-term friendship that’s going sour, it’s not up to you to keep things positive.
About Being the Bigger Person When You’d Prefer Not to
Do you find yourself experiencing online and in-person humiliation, instigations, or two-faced behaviors? Some people find it extremely challenging to deal with negative online actions. Others have more difficulty coping with these issues face-to-face. As a result, you might find yourself getting used to people being two-faced or hitting you below the belt during arguments.
Even though you expect these dialogues to happen, that doesn’t mean you’re preparing yourself emotionally for managing the situation. For example, you may find yourself facing a situation whereby someone blind-sides you with their actions or words. They may intend to hurt by when they do that, or their goal might be humiliation. Either way, the betrayal is real, and unlike any other, you might have experienced.
During these situations, you might feel a disconnection with your authentic self. The main reason is that you feel embarrassed and possibly exposed and foolish. It’s uncomfortable thinking about how you’ll move on from this situation while showing everyone that you’re unbothered. Fighting back is pointless because your words will never be enough for that person.
Take Control of Your Anger
When things like this happen, you’ll feel the urge to get back at this person in many ways. Yelling and screaming might also be an uncontrollable urge. However, you must be the bigger person and control what’s happening inside you. In doing so, you’ll find it in yourself to rise above the situation and move on.
It takes a significant amount of effort, time, and practice to learn how to keep yourself together in the face of adversity. You’ll always want to take your aggression out, but that negative behavior isn’t what you want others to believe you are as a person. Instead of focusing on how the other person is treating you and the reaction of others, teach yourself that, when someone believes a lie, their opinions don’t matter.
The People You Care About Will Stay Away from the Drama
As you make strides toward learning how to be the bigger person, you’ll find that the people you care about won’t participate in the drama. They care about you and have your best interests at heart. Therefore, when someone tries to involve them in something negative about you, they’ll refuse to participate. They won’t listen to the gossip or engage. These people know that, when you’re feeling content, the toxic people in your life will unfold drama.
While it’s challenging to be the bigger person in these situations, you know it’s possible because you have peers who will support you. That means, no matter how challenging things become or how bad someone makes you feel, your support system has your back. That’s critical when you’re learning how to be the bigger person.
The Benefits of Being the Bigger Person
The line is sometimes blurry between being the bigger person and being a pushover. However, that doesn’t mean you should stop aiming to be the bigger person. However, when you take steps toward making things right or apologizing, you might feel like others are walking all over you.
That’s why you must understand the benefits of being the bigger person. In doing so, you’ll realize that you’re not wasting efforts, and you’re making positive strides toward authenticity. Let’s explore what they are:
You Know You Tried
Because you know for sure that you tried, there are no regrets following the situation. There’s nothing worse than looking back on something and wonder if you could have handled things better. Even if your good intentions make a difference or not, you know you tried.
There Are No Secrets
Being the bigger person means you’re honest and not holding anything back. That means bringing everything up constructively and positively as a way of sorting out issues. That way, no one is dodging around topics or hiding secrets. Instead, you’re both working on resolving the issue and moving on.
You Discover Authentic Connections
You might find that you’re the only one who is making efforts toward being the bigger person. That’s an indication of who does and doesn’t see your relationship as valuable or worth any effort. It’s not a good sign if you’re the only one apologizing or trying to break the ice with those who are argumentative.
There’s No Room for Grudges
When you don’t hold grudges, that frees your life of negativity. Keeping things in is fuel for grudges. Bringing issues out in the open prevents you from feeling that way. It isn’t good for your health to hold grudges, no matter how angry you’re feeling.
You’ll Experience More Inward Strength
Learning how to be the bigger person helps you grow stronger as a person. Being the bigger person isn’t always the most comfortable choice. You might find yourself in many situations where you have to bite your tongue. As challenging as this is, though, it helps you mature and avoid drama.
How Being the Bigger Person Brings Positive Change?
When you’re hurt or something bothers you, it’s challenging to act like nothing is bothering you. However, when you know how to be the bigger person, that allows you to push through and experience positive change.
It takes work to be the bigger person, but it’s worth every effort. For example, you might find yourself in a situation where it’s more beneficial to be kind than right. In doing so, you’re choosing happiness over being the one who wins an argument.
Taking this step involves leaving your ego behind and not caring if you’re the one always winning an argument. Taking these steps will help you improve relationships while you’re simultaneously experiencing peace of mind.
You won’t experience any pleasure if your partner feels terrible about you winning an argument. That doesn’t mean allowing someone to push you around or agreeing with everything they say. Instead, it means you know the best ways to communicate your point of view.
Bringing about positive change in your life by showing how to be the bigger person means taking a step back while simultaneously paying attention to what your peers are saying. It also means that, when you listen, you’re giving yourself plenty of time to organize your thoughts before responding. That way, before you say anything, you know it’s not hurtful.
As you continue to maintain positive relationships with your peers and partner, you’ll find yourself experiencing an incredible sense of fulfillment. Instead of feeling the need always to have things your way, you’ll be the bigger person and accept this positive change. In doing so, you’ll find that those around you will naturally want to act in the same way.
Final Thoughts
Learning how to be the bigger person doesn’t come without challenges. You’ll experience heartache, disappointment, and frustration because that’s all part of being human. However, the more you learn about how to be the bigger person, the more you’ll see that it’s beneficial for your quality of life.
The main reason why you should become the “bigger person” is so that you’re not allowing people to take advantage of you, walk all over you, or expect you to apologize for things that aren’t your fault. As a result, you’ll experience more inward strength and be able to live a more authentic life.