Hate is a strong word, especially when you use it this way. Perhaps your mother even scolded you as a child for saying it about someone or something. The truth is Mom was right. It’s not something to utter lightly.
That said, we understand your pain.
We all have had times when things didn’t go our way or not happen at all. We’ve wished for someone in our lives to change and love us again. We’ve waited patiently for our finances to get better or hoped that we could avoid that one thing.
Perhaps you know exactly what you hate about your life. While it may sound counterintuitive, you are closer to a solution because you have a starting point and a focus. Sometimes, it’s elusive, which can add to your frustration.
As Carol Burnett reminds us, “Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.”
Let’s make it happen.
However, if you have suicidal thoughts, please stop reading now and contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-TALK ((800) 273-8255) immediately. Someone is there to listen 24/7. You can also use their online Lifeline Crisis Chat if you prefer.
Opening Up About the Pain
Even if you know what’s wrong, it still makes sense to pinpoint what you don’t like about your current life. Is work getting you down? Are you and your significant other spending more time fighting than talking? Are money matters bothering you?
Talking about these issues can help you find ways to cope. Sometimes, just sharing your feelings is enough. If you’re uncomfortable, you can write out your thoughts. You may find it easier to use a pen or pencil instead of typing on a keyboard. No one has to see it.
Its purpose is so that you can put words to what is going on inside of you.
Taking It to the Next Step
Next, you should figure out what the exact problem is. If you can be specific, you can home in on the way to fix it. Think about the who-what-where-how-why of the issue.
Perhaps work is taking a toll on you. Your boss is micromanaging your every task. Maybe a coworker is driving you nuts. The chances are if you’re thinking this way, there are probably others at your job that feel the same.
You’re not alone.
It’s an empowering exercise to examine your pain up-close. You may find that there’s more to it than you thought.
Here’s an example. Let’s say that you’ve pinned it down to your boss and her nitpicking. You dread going to work, but you need the money. Besides, you like your co-workers and don’t want to leave. That is the who, what, and where. It also explains the hopelessness you may feel. Let’s dig a bit deeper.
She complains that you’re making too many mistakes. What is happening before you get to work?
Maybe you stayed up too late the night before binge-watching your favorite show. You barely made it to work on time. Bingo! Here is a cause-and-effect that can offer some solutions.
You can try to get yourself to bed earlier, or at least make your mornings less harried. You can lay out your clothes, pack your lunch, or make sure that your car has enough gas. You might also talk to your boss about starting later and perhaps staying an hour extra at the end of the day.
The essential lesson with this scenario is finding the cause. It’s not about blaming. It’s making adjustments.
Make Journaling a Habit
Sometimes, it’s not that easy to find out what triggers your malaise. That’s where journaling comes into the mix. If you can see patterns over time, you can find ways to ease your frustrations. The fact remains that life can hide the chain of events.
Life, work, love, friendship, and play all have fuzzy edges that can overlap and mask the details. Keeping a journal can help you uncover the reasons that you’re unhappy.
Pay attention to negative self-talk in your writing. Do you find that you dismiss positive things in your life? Do you beat yourself up if something goes wrong? No one is perfect, not even your successful friends who have everything in life.
The time to stand up to this negativity is now.
Conquer Your Inner Critic
People are often tougher on themselves than they are with others. For example, you might criticize yourself for getting in that fender-bender on the way home from work.
However, what would you say to your friend?
The chances are you’d console her and blame the other driver together. You might tell her that the damage isn’t that bad. That’s why you have insurance. The one thing you wouldn’t do is condemn or scold her.
Why do it to yourself?
Listen to your self-talk and banish those negative reactions. Don’t let your inner critic have a say in your life. Respond to life’s ups and downs as you would with your best friend.
Get Rid of the Clutter
This option may sound hokey, but its effects are profound. A messy environment introduces uncertainty in our lives. We have trouble finding our phone or keys. We forget about the leftovers we put in the fridge two weeks ago. We can’t find anything to wear because we haven’t done laundry for days.
Clutter also fosters a sense of not being in control. It’s a debilitating emotion that is often hard to overcome. You don’t know where to turn next or what to do or if you should do anything at all. It can paralyze you both mentally and physically.
By getting rid of the clutter in our lives—both literally and figuratively—we take it back. We put ourselves in control of our environment. It’s surprising how effective even a little bit of housekeeping can improve our mood.
Start with one room in your house. Put away the magazines and books you’ve been meaning to read. Clean up the mess from the night before and wash the empty glasses. Run the vacuum too. If you’re still in a cleaning mood, tackle another and another.
Sure, it will likely get cluttered again. Think of it like this. Let’s say you’re training a puppy to sit. You give the command, and he obeys. Then, he stands up again. You gently push his rear-end back down as you say, “Sit!” one more time. You don’t scold him. He gets up, and you repeat the process.
That’s how it is with keeping your house tidy.
Set Up Routines
Looking at a formidable task or challenge as a whole is overwhelming. It’s easy to upset yourself and think that you’ll never get it done, setting up that inner critic dialogue.
Other times, it’s just the everyday grind that is the culprit. You’ve gotten behind with housekeeping. You’ve forgotten to pay the bills on time and now have a late fee that increases your debt. You feel as if you’ll never get ahead.
The good news is that there is a solution that works.
The key is to create routines. Think of them as collections of tasks that need regular attention. You can group them by day, room, or type. Use your smartphone in a productive way to set reminders.
For example, you can have a Monday to-do list that includes things like water the plants, fill up your gas tank, and pay bills. This method ensures that they get done and helps to alleviate the stress you have from neglected tasks.
If money problems are the issue, a bill to-do list will help you pay them on time to avoid those late fees and make a dent in your debt. Are you rushing to put something on the table for dinner? A weekly menu with a shopping list will save you time and cash from ordering take-out for the third time this week.
The essential thing is to go through life knowing what you need to do without those nasty surprises when you’ve realized that something slipped under the radar.
Start Small to Make Things Right
Often, people approach making changes in their lives, thinking that they must start with big shifts in the status quo. Baby steps are the surest course to a new life.
The good things in life take time. Michael Jordan didn’t dominate the court the first time he stepped on it. Tiger Woods didn’t get a major when he first picked up a club. Each positive move you make in the direction you want to take your life is a milestone.
It begins with one step.
Here’s where your journal can help too. Record your progress. Create a label for your goal so that you can search and look back on how far you’ve come when you need some motivation. It’s one way to see the forest through the trees in a better light.
The work that it takes to attain a goal or peak performance includes a lot of grit and sweat. Hours of practice and drills aren’t glamorous. They are boring and tedious. That belies the value they offer.
The process is another way to build those neural pathways that makes you more efficient and creates a habit that continues to add to your hard work.
Empower Yourself and Say No
It’s natural to want to please others. We want people to like us. It feels good too. However, you can set yourself up for trouble if you put them first before yourself, especially if it has negative effects on other aspects of your life.
If doing a favor becomes an expectation, something is out of whack. It’s okay to help out a friend once in a while. It’s a problem if it encroaches on your personal life. Your time is precious too. Don’t be afraid to say no if you have plans. It’s vital to set boundaries. You’re not a bad person because you want a restful evening at home and a good night’s sleep.
Likewise, agreeing to fill in for a co-worker occasionally is a kind gesture. It pushes the envelope toward getting used if you’re the only one that your boss relies on to fill the shift. Similarly, picking up some items for your friend at the grocery or liquor store is a friendly thing to do. If they come to expect it as a matter of course, they’ve crossed the line.
Eliminate Toxic Relationships
Negativity often has multiple sources. An overlooked one is the relationships in your life. Everyone has their bad days. Part of being a friend is listening when they need to talk.
It becomes a problem if the other person uses emotional blackmail by threatening to end a cherished relationship anytime you do something they don’t like. That’s not a friendship: it’s toxic, and it’s not the way that normal adults act.
Another telltale sign is blaming someone else for how you feel. As Eleanor Roosevelt wisely observed, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Everyone owns how they respond to an event or situation.
Think about how you feel during and after being with that person. Are you unhappy after you’ve been with them? Is your conversation with them laden with criticism and mean jabs? Is he the poster child for passive-aggressive behavior?
If you said yes to one or more of these questions, it’s likely a toxic relationship.
Begin by assessing whether the relationship is valuable to you. If so, you may find it helpful to start with a conversation about how you feel. Put on your thick skin if you take this route. Often, people fall into habits that they may find it hard to change or get defensive if you point out something negative, especially if you’re dealing with someone that feels they are always in the right.
Your other option is to end it. You can let it go gradually or go dark on them. They’ll get the message. While it may sound mean, it’s often the better course to avoid a confrontation. Anger isn’t a healthy emotion in this case. And as the saying goes, less is more.
Let it go and move on to calmer, more positive waters.
Create a Positive Trigger Response
We can borrow a lesson from psychology to get rid of negative responses or associations and turn them into something positive. The process is simple, but the effects are far-reaching. It starts with a type of body awareness meditation.
Begin by squeezing your hands as tight as you can and hold it for about 5 seconds. Then, slowly release your fists while saying a word of which you have a pleasant association. It feels good, doesn’t it? Repeat these steps, going up your arms to your torso and down your legs.
You’ll need to repeat this exercise several times to allow your mind and body to connect. The word you’ve chosen is your trigger. When you find yourself in a tense situation, repeat it, and see if your body doesn’t automatically relax.
The benefit of this technique is that you build neural pathways that associate your trigger word with a calmer state. You can use it whenever you need to settle down and slow your roll.
Get Moving
Humans evolved in many ways to deal with stress and other challenges of everyday life. One of the most interesting is the body’s own source of opioids called endorphins. Researchers have confirmed the existence of the so-called runner’s high using positron emission tomography (PET) technology.
That’s why working out is so effective for lifting your mood. Mom was right again about going outside and getting some exercise.
Don’t have a lot of time? You can still get the benefits of exercise-induced endorphins with high-intensity interval training (HIIT). This workout involves short spurts of vigorous activity that accelerates endorphin release. Not only can your workouts treat mild cases of depression, but it may also prevent it.
Take Care of Yourself
Imagine your significant other coming home, upset because of bad news or something that happened at work. How do you react?
You’d probably encourage them to talk about it. You might also give them some kind of treat, whether it’s a special meal or a night letting them control the remote control. These actions help them focus on something positive about their life instead of whatever upset them. It’s an escape that shifts the mood.
You can do the same thing for yourself when you need some space. Think about what makes you happy. You might consider keeping a running list in your journal to inspire you when you need some ideas about what to do.
It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Sometimes, a bubble bath with a glass of wine will fit the bill. You can also take yourself out to lunch or buy something nice for you—within a set budget, of course. There’s nothing wrong or indulgent about taking care of your needs.
Accept Life’s Uncertainty
As Isak Dinesen said, “God made the world round so we would never be able to see too far down the road.” Life is all about uncertainty. There are so many things we can’t control. Worrying about them is wasted energy. It won’t make them go away. It will only sour your mood.
We can group things about life into four categories:
- Known-known
- Known-unknown
- Unknown-known
- Unknown-unknown
You control how you react to any of them. You can choose to fret about stuff that may or may not happen. The alternative is to stick with what you know. That is more productive and less stressful. It focuses your energy, where it can have the most positive impact.
Schedule Your Worry Time
Ignoring the things you have about your life isn’t the best solution either, especially if it’s within your power to change it. It becomes a problem when you start following those rabbit holes that only worsen your negative thoughts.
An excellent way to deal with it is to schedule your worry time. We suggest writing the issue on a piece of paper and putting it somewhere accessible and face down so that you can’t see the words.
If it’s a stumbling block in your relationship, confine talking about it until you’ve placed the paper right side up on a table where you both are seated and discuss it calmly without accusations or guilt. Set a timer if need be to limit how long the discussion lasts. Alternatively, spend that time musing about it, taking care to avoid negative self-talk.
When the timer goes off, the discussion or thinking ends.
We strongly urge you not to do this exercise if you are tired, hungry, angry, or tipsy. This goal is to approach the problem with your A-game. Anything that hampers it can backfire your sincere efforts at a resolution.
Spend Time with Nature
Nature is one of the best healers you’ll find. There’s something so gratifying with connecting with our inner selves and Mother Nature. It slows our thoughts and helps us to stay in the moment. It’s an excellent way to tune out without the distractions of social media, your phone, or texts.
The research backs up the notion that time spent outdoors can reduce stress. You don’t have to spend a lot of time outside, either. Just 10 minutes a few times a week is sufficient.
Stress is the proverbial double-edged sword. We need it to train our bodies how to respond to adverse conditions. Too much of it puts us in a chronic state. That can lead to other negative health impacts, which will likely worsen whatever is bothering us already or add to our worries.
There’s another lesson to take away from time spent in nature. It allows us to unplug. Staying on constantly is stressful too. Being outdoors forces you to ponder other things like the birds singing, the feel of the ground underneath your feet, and the feel of the sun and wind on your skin.
Think of it as getting back to basics.
We prefer places that take getting away to the next level with no traffic noise and preferably, little contact with other visitors. Sometimes, being alone is the best medicine. Besides, there are times when we don’t want others to find us. That’s what nature offers.
If You Like Your Life, Change It
The essential thing to remember is that your life isn’t cast in stone, no matter what astrologists may say. You can change what you don’t like about it.
Have you always wanted to write? Give it a try! You’ll find plenty of opportunities online to test the waters. We can speak from experience when we say what a rush it is to see your name in a byline.
Growing up, we remember our father saying that there is no such word as can’t. You can alter your course. You can choose a path that will make you happier and tame our stress. It begins with making the choice.
We won’t lie. It’s hard. There’s no guarantee of success. However, it puts you in control of your happiness and contentment of your life. If you’re feeling as if others are deciding your life, you can take it back and play by your rules instead of those of someone else.
You’ll get the benefit of removing the source of negativity. You’ll also set yourself up for success that you made happen. The sense of accomplishment you’ll feel is priceless. Your life will become the one you want instead of what someone else thinks you should do.
And that doesn’t suck.
Seek Help
It’s imperative to recognize when matters have crossed the line. That’s when you must seek help. It’s not a weakness to admit that you feel overwhelmed. In fact, it’s a virtue and an act of kindness to yourself to know when going it alone isn’t the wisest plan of action.
Symptoms that are a red flag include:
- Loss of interest in things you normally enjoy
- Feeling hopeless
- Withdrawing from others, especially loved ones
- Thinking about suicide and dying
Call a trusted friend or loved one. If you feel uncomfortable talking to someone you know, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-TALK ((800) 273-8255) immediately. Someone is there to help your cope 24/7. You can also use their online Lifeline Crisis Chat if you prefer not talking to anyone
Final Thoughts
It pains us to think of anyone that is so unhappy to say that they hate their life. Indulge us if we wax philosophical for a moment. One thought you should bear in mind that you have a lot going for you if you are reading this online, whether at home or the library. You have your health and internet access.
Even if you wish things were different, there are millions of people who would love what you have. They would adore having food on the table, a job, and a connected device. Sometimes, looking at your situation from another perspective can help you focus more clearly on what matters most in your life.
Remember that where there is love, there is hope.