Your wedding is the big day, but the ceremony and reception aren’t always the only events that you have to plan for the weekend. The rehearsal dinner is often a significant affair. But you don’t have to overwhelm yourself planning your rehearsal dinner. In this article, we provide advice for making your rehearsal dinner a unique event that suits your budget and personality.
What is a Rehearsal Dinner?
In the U.S., the rehearsal dinner is held the night before the wedding. Traditionally, it provides a chance for the groom’s family to plan a celebration for the happy couple. It also gives the bridal party and close family members a chance to sit down together before the big day.
The day before the wedding, the bride and groom usually rehearse the ceremony. They might get together with the officiant and go through the motions so that they aren’t caught off guard when all eyes are on them.
The maid of honor, best man, bridesmaids, groomsmen, and parents of the bride and groom typically attend the rehearsal. Any children who are participating in the ceremony, such as flower girls or ring bearers, may also show up so that they can practice their roles and know what to expect.
After the rehearsal, everyone who attended often gathers for the rehearsal dinner. Sometimes, out-of-town guests who are close to the couple but don’t get to see them frequently are also invited. You don’t have to stick to any rules when it comes to inviting guests to your rehearsal dinner. We’ll go over some of your options and things to consider when putting together the guest list later in this article.
At the rehearsal dinner, the bride and groom’s families might get a chance to get to know each other better. The bride and groom also have a chance to thank everyone who helped them plan the wedding in an intimate setting.
Because the wedding ceremony usually has more invitees than the rehearsal dinner, it’s not easy for the couple to spend quality time with the people who are closest to them. The rehearsal dinner gives them a chance to do just that.
The bride and groom may make a speech or toast their loved ones. The groom’s family—or whoever hosted the rehearsal dinner—may make a toast. The bride’s parents may also give a toast at the rehearsal dinner. We’ll talk more about planning those toasts later on as well.
Put Together the Budget
Even though the wedding couple may not be very involved in budgeting for the rehearsal dinner, they’ll usually end up spending some money out of pocket. It’s customary to give gifts to the people who have helped you with the wedding, including parents, bridesmaids, and groomsmen.
You’ll also have to decide what to wear. For a formal event, the groom usually wears a dark suit, and the bride may wear a gown or evening dress.
But you can match your outfits to fit the event. If you’re having a luau in the backyard, invite everyone to wear Hawaiian shirts.
The bride can wear white, but she doesn’t have to. Many brides choose to wear colors that complement their color palette for the wedding.
The wedding couple often wears something a little more formal than their guests would. Therefore, they should consider their budget when planning their attire for the event.
Who Should You Invite to the Rehearsal Dinner?
Creating the guest list for the rehearsal dinner can be tougher than you expect. First, you have to work with the person who is paying for the dinner. They may have a limited budget that dictates the number of guests.
Traditionally, the groom’s parents pay for the event. That custom came about because the bride’s parents usually foot the bill for the entire wedding.
However, times are changing, and the families can choose to arrange the budget, hosting, and payment however they’d like. It’s important to have a conversation with both families to ensure that everyone is on the same page when it comes to hosting the affair.
Once you have an idea of the budget, you can begin to plan the guest list. You might be tempted to invite all of the friends that you haven’t seen in a while. You might also notice that you start to feel guilty if you invite Aunt Betty but not Aunt Sue. Don’t feel pressure to make the rehearsal dinner a huge affair.
The only “mandatory” guests should be the wedding party and the parents. But anything goes. You should probably allow each member of the wedding party to bring a guest. That’s especially true if they’re married or in a relationship. Invite their spouse or partner.
According to The Knot, it’s a kind gesture to invite the officiant and their spouse or partner to the dinner. Many couples invite their immediate families and grandparents.
If you’re inviting any children who are participating in the wedding, you’ll need to include their parents. The kids will often leave early, but inviting them is a sweet token that makes them feel appreciated and special. For those that want to extend the guest list, consider inviting godparents, cousins, college roommates, and out-of-town guests who have arrived early.
Are you worried about leaving people out? If you’d like to keep the rehearsal guest list small, you can always arrange to meet anyone who is interested in drinks afterward. Holding an informal post-rehearsal-dinner gathering at the hotel where most of the guests are staying is an excellent way to make everyone feel as though they’re part of the special day. You could also open the end of the night up to other guests to join you for dessert.
What Type of Rehearsal Dinner Do You Want?
Although you might picture a rehearsal dinner to be a formal affair at a fine restaurant, it doesn’t have to be. You can hold it just about anywhere. Many people who have traditional families or formal weddings hold their rehearsal dinners at restaurants, but a casual event can give everyone a chance to breathe before the official ceremony.
Here are some ideas for types of rehearsal dinners that you can have, along with the locations in which you can hold them.
Restaurant
You don’t have to hold your rehearsal dinner in the nicest restaurant in town. You might want to have it somewhere a little more meaningful. Did you have your first date at a restaurant? Consider holding your rehearsal dinner there.
Another option, which would be an excellent idea if you have plenty of out-of-towners attending, is to hold it at a restaurant that reflects the local culture. If you’re in Maine, head to an eatery that serves lobster. In Memphis, hold the rehearsal dinner at a barbecue joint.
You could also choose a restaurant that serves the cuisine that you’ll be eating on your honeymoon. If you’re heading to Italy, have the rehearsal dinner at an Italian restaurant, for example. Go to the local taco bar if you’re spending your honeymoon on the Mexican Riviera.
Backyard
No matter how formal your wedding is, you can always have a backyard barbecue for the rehearsal dinner. This can be a great way to have guests relax before the ceremony. Depending on your budget and the time that you have, you can cater the barbecue or serve burgers and dogs.
Another option would be to serve gourmet versions of your favorite barbecue foods. Think pulled pork sliders or kabobs.
Decorations for an event like this can be fun and informal. Use mason jars to hold wildflowers, and place the silverware and napkins in tin buckets. Set up picnic tables, or throw blankets on the lawn. A backyard barbecue is a wonderful way to save money on the rehearsal dinner.
You might even be able to hold the rehearsal itself in the backyard before you eat. Then, have everyone play lawn games for the rest of the night.
Once it gets dark, make the atmosphere special by draping strings of lights through the trees. Hurricane lamps also make practical centerpieces.
Cocktails
Instead of renting out a restaurant for your rehearsal dinner, you could consider holding it at a bar. Whether you’re into sports or wine, you can likely find the perfect spot for the festivities.
A wine bar would be excellent for a formal event. A sports bar will be fun if you’re inviting lots of guests. If any of the guests are staying at the same hotel, you could inquire about renting some space in the hotel bar so that they don’t have to travel far to attend the rehearsal dinner.
Dessert Party
If you’re looking to hold an informal rehearsal dinner, consider making it a dessert party. Depending on the season, there are lots of ways to make this festive.
You could create an ice cream bar. Have a variety of ice cream flavors available, and provide all the fixings, such as bananas, chopped fruit, whipped cream, nuts, caramel sauce, hot fudge, and sprinkles. Don’t forget the cherry on top! Have a few liquors and a blender available, and make grown-up milkshakes for the guests.
Seafood Boil
If you’re having a beach wedding, you can keep the theme alive by holding a seafood boil for the rehearsal dinner. Do it on the beach, a local restaurant, or someone’s backyard. Combining it with a pool party would be a fun way to host an informal gathering.
If you’d like something fancier, consider having a restaurant cater it at a local event venue. You could even rent out a yacht for the evening to really wow your guests.
Food Truck
A food truck can go just about anywhere. Therefore, have your rehearsal dinner come to you. You can be creative with the event space if you’re hiring a food truck to cater the meal.
Some ideas for a food truck rehearsal dinner include:
- Holding a block party
- Renting out a barn
- Going to the beach
You could even have a food truck arrive at the wedding venue if you’re holding the rehearsal there. The sky’s the limit. It’s flexible.
Beer Tasting
If your wedding is in a town where there are a lot of breweries, you might consider holding a beer tasting. This would be a great event to bring a food truck to, by the way.
Many breweries can accommodate large groups. Call ahead and find out whether you can rent out a special room for the rehearsal dinner, or if you’ll be in the main room with other customers. A beer tasting is a great way to introduce guests to local tastes.
If you don’t want to have a beer tasting at a brewery, what about doing it in your home or a friend’s house? Stock up on cups, grab a variety of brews and create your own flights. Giving out small glasses that are engraved with the couple’s name and the wedding date is a sweet way to commemorate the night.
Movie Night
A perfect way to hold an informal and unique rehearsal dinner would be to make it a movie night. Do you have a small, independent theater in your town that would be willing to rent out a room for an evening?
You could show your favorite movie or a film that you saw with your sweetie on your first date. You could also see a romantic comedy that encompasses your love for one another.
You don’t have to head to the theater to hold a movie night for your rehearsal dinner, though. What about hosting it in your home? You could also get a projector and a sheet and have the dinner outside.
Don’t forget the buckets of popcorn! You can look into renting a popcorn maker, and arrange a variety of toppings, such as:
- Parmesan cheese
- Nutritional yeast
- Doritos blended in the blender to make a powder
- Flavored olive oil or butter
- Seasonings
- Cinnamon and sugar
Send Out the Invitations
Once you have decided on the event type, space, and guest list, you can send out the invitations. The invitations should be mailed separately from the wedding invitations. You can send them out after you’ve mailed the wedding invitations. A good rule of thumb is to send out the rehearsal dinner invitations about four weeks before the event.
You might want to check with the venue or caterer if they need a headcount. Find out what their deadline is so that you don’t miss it.
If you’re having a formal rehearsal dinner, mail out formal invitations. If it’s just a casual gathering, feel free to send an evite, create a Facebook event, or email the potential attendees.
The invitations should include the following information:
- The location of the venue
- Time and date
- Time and location of the rehearsal if it’s different than the dinner
- Menu options if people have to choose ahead of time
- RSVP details
You should probably include a plus-one if your guests are married or partnered in some way. If you would invite the significant other to a party at your home, you should invite them to the rehearsal dinner.
However, you don’t have to extend a plus-one to your single friends. Instead, group them together and give them a chance to get to know one another.
Organize the Event
If you’re rehearsing the wedding ceremony before or during the dinner, you should probably write up an agenda for the night so that everyone knows when to attend, where to go, and what is expected of them.
A wedding rehearsal usually lasts about one hour. Give yourself enough time and ask guests to arrive approximately 30 minutes before you plan to start. That will give you time to gather the stragglers.
You might want to arrange for transportation if the rehearsal is in a different location than the dinner. Doing this will ensure that all of your guests arrive at the dinner on time.
In the invitations, give guests an idea of the dress code. You may be having a backyard barbecue, but perhaps you’ve made it a more formal event. You don’t want Uncle Bob to be uncomfortable when he shows up in his overalls.
The fathers of the bride and groom typically give speeches during the rehearsal dinner. However, you can invite anyone to give a toast. You’ll probably find that this part of the night flows naturally as people let loose and get into the fun.
The toasts usually happen during dessert. The groom may even have a chance to get up and toast his bride-to-be.
After you’ve given the toasts, give out any reminders about the big day while you still have your guests’ attention. You might reiterate the time that the wedding party needs to show up at the salon or remind your bridesmaids to bring mimosas to sip on while you get ready.
Some couples choose to display a slide show during the rehearsal dinner. You can gather all of your favorite photos. It’s fun to include pictures of the bride and groom as they were growing up. Throw in some photos of the bridal party, too.
Imagine that the slideshow is a story of how the couple grew up and came together. Feel free to put in pictures of your first date and vacations that you’ve had together. You can set the slide show to a playlist of your favorite songs.
A guest book is also a great idea for the rehearsal dinner. Many people have one at the wedding, but friends and family members may not have time to fill it out. They’ll have more time to write a heartfelt note during an intimate rehearsal dinner. A guest book makes a beautiful memento for the wedding couple.
Give Out Gifts
Even if a parent or someone else is planning the rehearsal dinner, the wedding couple should come up with the gifts that they’re planning to give to their bridal party and loved ones. This is a meaningful tradition that shows your gratitude.
You should give gifts to the:
- Maid of honor and bridesmaids
- Best man and groomsmen
- Flower girl
- Ring bearer
- Parents and in-laws
Some of the best ideas for bridesmaid gifts include:
- Jewelry
- Matching robes to wear while prepping for the wedding the next day
- Spa gift certificates
- Yoga mats
- Pampering gift basket
- A meaningful book
- Photo books
Some of the best ideas for groomsmen gifts include:
- Engraved flask
- Wine or beer
- Beer mugs
- Beard oil
- Personalized shot glasses
- Bluetooth speakers
- Socks
- Tie clips
- Yeti cups
Even if you choose not to buy gifts, make sure that you thank the wedding party. The bride and groom can opt to do this as a toast, or you can personally approach each member to offer your gratitude.
Rehearsal Dinner Dos and Don’ts
Although there are no hard-and-fast rules about throwing a rehearsal dinner, you might want to take some of these dos and don’ts into account.
- Do make the evening relaxed – You’re spending so much time planning the wedding that you don’t need another extravagant affair to overwhelm you before the big day. Don’t sweat the small stuff; make the evening about mingling and enjoying yourself.
- Do end the festivities fairly early – Try to bring the event to a close by 10 p.m. Everyone will need to get their beauty sleep before the big day.
- Do give yourself enough time for the rehearsal – Instead of cramming everything into a tight time frame, start early enough to allow for rehearsing the vows and getting yourselves to the rehearsal dinner.
- Do mingle with your guests – You might not have time to chat with everyone at the wedding. Therefore, use this time to catch up with people who you haven’t seen in a while.
- Do give your guests an idea of the theme – Let your invitees know what to expect in regard to dress code, menu, and theme.
- Do consider hiring a photographer – If you want to capture the details of the event, consider asking your photographer to take pictures during the rehearsal and dinner. These will make a great addition to your wedding album.
- Do come up with a wedding hashtag – Many people will snap photos on their cameras or phones. Come up with a wedding hashtag that they can use to share the pictures so that you can access all of them. Place little signs with the hashtag on the table during the event, or include it in the invitations.
- Do consider a videographer – In addition to a photographer, a videographer can capture the funny and special moments of the night. Ask a friend to record the toasts, or hire someone so that your guests don’t have to take on that responsibility.
- Don’t eat too much – You want to feel energetic and good on your wedding day. Don’t stuff yourself or drink too much during the rehearsal dinner. You don’t want to wake up on the big day feeling sick.
- Don’t pressure yourself – Don’t feel compelled to go beyond your budget or invite everyone to the rehearsal dinner. Work within your budget and hold a dinner that matches your personality and needs.
- Don’t expect to get gifts – The rehearsal dinner gives the wedding couple a chance to thank the people who have helped them along the way. They might want to give out gifts to their loved ones. They shouldn’t assume that they will receive gifts during the event.
- Don’t upstage the wedding – The ceremony is the main event. Your rehearsal dinner, including the invitations, shouldn’t outshine the actual wedding.
Do You Need a Rehearsal Dinner?
Your schedule is likely to be packed in the days leading up to the wedding. You might have to see your hairdresser to run through the ‘do for the night. You need to greet guests from out of town. You’re trying to oversee all of the last-minute details and give yourself a little bit of time for pampering. Is it really necessary to plan another over-the-top event?
There are no rules these days when it comes to your wedding. However, you might want to talk to your bridal party and families about your options. They may be happy to take on the planning so that you don’t have it on your plate. Many parents enjoy hosting and arranging the rehearsal dinner because it helps them feel involved in the nuptials.
Even though the bride and groom likely know all of the guests that are coming to the wedding, their closest friends may not know one another. The rehearsal dinner can be a way to nurture the relationships between your loved ones.
It also breaks the ice. You won’t have to worry about introducing your nearest and dearest on the big day.
In some cases, a rehearsal dinner isn’t necessary. For example, if you eloped, you probably won’t worry about hosting one. If you’re having a small wedding and would likely invite the same people who are attending the ceremony to the rehearsal dinner, there’s no need to have two separate events.
The rehearsal dinner has a lot to do with honoring tradition. You can decide how important that is to you.