In this day and age, the individual self is one of the essential concepts in culture. Our identity has become our brand, the main thing that we cultivate and put out into the world. The “self” is a vital force of our motivation, thoughts, and social identity.
But what is the “self” really? What makes you, “you?” Unless you’re a philosopher, you probably don’t think about these things very often. But understanding concepts of self can help you define yourself better and help you be more functional in the world around you.
The History of Self
In modern thought, each of us is separate coherent “selves,” independent of other individuals. While this seems obvious to us now, there was a time before this was a solidified construct. The idea didn’t even exist in philosophy before Descartes wrote his famous phrase, “I think; therefore, I am,” in 1637.
According to researcher Roy F. Baumeister, in his paper How the Self Became a Problem, in pre-modern societies, life was only centered on survival. People behaved according to tradition, and one’s family and culture gave strict guidelines for how to get through life.
People didn’t get much choice about where they would live, the work they would do, or what relationships they had. So the concept of the “self” wasn’t necessary because your identity and preferences were irrelevant.
In the late medieval period, a concept of the unity of a single human life gradually developed. The early modern period took it a little further and started talking about a difference between the inner and the outer self, and began to value human development and change.
In the Romantic era, people began to seek out secular forms of fulfillment and began to recognize the conflict between individuals and society. By the early 20th century, themes of alienation and devaluation of the self became a significant concern, and post World War 2, it became more common to seek out means of self-definition and fulfillment.
So when philosophers and psychologists first started talking about the self, it was a very narrow idea. The earliest views of identity in psychology made two distinctions. There was “I,” the subjective knower, and “Me,” the one who is known. These definitions were relatively static and created an idea of a permanent self.
Marta Björg Hermannsdóttir, in her paper Self-Identity in Modernity, makes the argument that in today’s modern world, people have multiple choices and freedoms. Hence, individuals have to review and modify their needs and desires consistently.
Change happens more rapidly than any other time in human history, and all modifications, no matter how small, affect the development of self-identity. This makes for a society where individualism is dominant, and the development of self has become the main focus.
Because we now live in a world of rapid evolutions, we can see that the self is a quite fluid thing. Most people have more than one way of being and are made up of many, sometimes conflicting aspects. Who we are changes depending on our context.
We will think and act differently when in different environments, cultures, and situations, and can perform better in some settings than others. Says Hermannsdóttir, the rapid changes, “can lead to great distress and make it difficult for people to create a single, coherent identity.”
Nowadays, modern psychology and laypeople alike show great interest in understanding the self. There are many books and movies about being and finding oneself, and new ideas like “having an identity crisis” are commonplace. The quest for fulfillment, self-actualization, and self-knowledge has become an utterly legitimate aspect of life.
What is Self-Concept
The theories about what self-concept is and how it develops are as vast as notions of identity, but when we ask the question, “Who am I,” we would generally define it as knowing your habits, preferences, thoughts, and skills. Self-efficacy researcher Rosenberg states that self-concept is “…the totality of an individual’s thoughts and feelings having reference to himself as an object.” In psychology, the specific term for this is self-concept.
Self-concept is the blanket term for our idea of who we are- spiritually, physically, socially, emotionally, and any other thing that defines us. It includes all multi-dimensional notions of self-esteem, self-image, or self-awareness. We create this concept as we learn and grow, and it often changes throughout our lives.
According to Courtney E. Ackerman in What is Self-Concept Theory, there are a couple of things we know for sure. We see that self-concept is learned, not inherent, and that it develops through childhood and early adulthood when identity is fluid.
It is created by biological tendencies, environmental factors, and social interactions. It can be changed in later years, but it is much more difficult once a person has established a solid idea of who they are.
In Becoming a Person, Carl Rogers wrote a theory that self-concept influences and acts as a framework for personality. The image of ourselves contributes to personality, and our personality, combined with our actions, creates a feedback loop that solidifies the image of ourselves over time. He believes that our personality is created by our desire for self-actualization, which we achieve when our self-image, self-worth, and ideal self all overlap.
The one boundary to self-actualization is when our self-concept doesn’t align with reality. When we base our understanding of self on things that aren’t real, then our self-concept is “incongruent.” The goal is to strive for self-actualization and congruence, which will lead to true fulfillment.
The Aspects of Self-Concept
In Essential Social Psychology, Richard Crisp and Rhiannon Turner state that there are three aspects to how we build our sense of self, and three elements that make up our self-concept. The things that create our sense of self is essentially the world around us and how we experience it. It can break down into three categories, the individual self, the relational self, and the collective self.
The individual self is all of the attributes and traits that make us different from other individuals. This includes things like temperament, levels of extraversion, how we problem solve, or differences in our bodies and appearance.
We create our relational selves through our relationships with the significant people in our lives. It begins with relationships with our parents and siblings and evolves into our relationship with close friends and significant others.
The collective self is how our memberships in large social groups define us. It could include nationality, sexual orientation, physical presentation of race, or belonging to a particular ideological group.
These are the things that will shift and change your concept of self. By changing any one of these things, our idea of self can change. When these aspects are applied, it breaks down into the three things that create your self-concept.
According to Carl Rogers, the first thing that makes up your self-concept is your self-image. Everyone’s self-images are a mixture of our physical characteristics, personality traits, and social roles. Self-image doesn’t always match our realities, and it’s one of the key places we lose congruence.
Some people may have an exaggerated self-image, whereas some people might overinflate their own perceived flaws and weaknesses.
Your self-esteem is how much you value yourself. Many things can impact this, like how we compare ourselves to others and how other people perceive and respond to us. When people consistently react to us in a way that we view as positive, we’re more likely to have high self-esteem. But when we compare ourselves to others and see ourselves as lesser than, it could lead to low self-esteem.
Your ideal self is how you wish you could be. It is prevalent for us to desire to be better than we are at work, relationships, and functional skills. It’s the aspect that moves us forward in growth.
These are the three characteristics of the self that need to be aligned with each other and with reality to feel truly fulfilled.
How the Self Develops
Two fundamental forms of science that deal with people and their behavior are the fields of sociology and psychology. Psychologists are focused on how the mind influences behavior, how a person’s mental development and their brains process the world around them. Sociology, on the other hand, studies the role of society.
It focuses on how different societal aspects form an individual’s relationship with the world. While psychologists look inward at mental and emotional processes, sociologists look outward to cultural norms, standard practices, and interactions with others. Both disciplines are useful in giving us a framework for understanding the self.
Sociological Theories of Self-Development
Sociologist Charles Cooley held some of the defining perspectives on the self. He believed that people’s sense of self is constructed mainly by how others view them, in a term he called, “the looking glass self.”
Next came George Herbert Mead, who believed that people developed a distinct identity through social interaction. To be able to process the “self,” a person has to be able to view themselves through the eyes of other people. This allows us to become self-aware. We’re not born with this ability, but when we properly socialize, we can learn to see ourselves how others see us, which helps with building a congruent reality.
During the early stages of childhood, kids are only able to imitate and have no capacity to imagine things from another’s point of view. By learning to play, a child can start to experiment with other roles. It allows the child to learn how characters interact with each other. It helps them define the possible thoughts of people within those roles. Throughout this experimentation and through the growing up process, an individual can imagine how others view them. It is what creates the self.
Another facet of sociological theories has to do with moral development. Morals are an essential concept when talking about the self because it has to do with our relational and collective person. Morality has to do with society deciding that something is “good,” or “bad,” so that it can smoothly function. Morality means that people don’t act on unchecked urges but will instead consider what’s right for others.
Lawrence Kohlberg believed that Morality was one of the critical senses of self and studied how people morally develop. His theory states that an individual has three levels. A young child only experiences the world around them through their senses. But in the teen years, young adults start to become aware of other’s feelings.
These feelings help teach the youngster what’s “good” and what’s “bad.” By the third stage, people think of Morality in the abstract, able to recognize complex concepts like legal and moral, not always being the same thing.
While sociological theories of the self help us understand certain facets of self-hood, they are better used as a companion to broaden and go more in-depth with psychological methods.
Psychological Theories of Self-Development
Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud was one of the first and most influential scientists to create a theory on how we develop a sense of self. He believed that personality and sexual development had a hand in shaping one another and that people’s sense of self links to the early stages of development and what happened to them as children.
According to Freud, if a child engaged improperly with any specific stage, it would result in psychological issues throughout adulthood. Although there is no substantial empirical evidence to support this theory around self and sexual development, the idea that early experience shapes our identity is now a widely accepted thought.
Psychologist Erik Erikson took Freud’s theories farther, believing that one’s personality and sense of self would change continually over time and was never finished. He developed a method of eight developmental stages.
In each step, two conflicting ideas need to be resolved successfully for a person to be fully functioning. Each of these stages involves the psychological needs of the individual conflicting with the requirements of society and creates a unique self-identity.
According to Erikson, when a person completes each of these stages successfully, it leads to a healthy personality and the growth of essential useful virtues and character strengths. If an individual fails to complete any of these stages, it can result in an unhealthy personality and sense of self. Any of these stages could be resolved later in life if the individual had bad experiences with them in childhood.
Trust vs. Mistrust
Before the age of 1, a child is entirely dependent on its caregivers. When an adult meets the child’s basic needs for survival, the infant learns that adults can be trusted. When the caregiver is responsive to the child, the child will grow up with the belief that the world is a safe, predictable place.
However, if the caregiver doesn’t meet the child’s needs, it will create feelings of mistrust, anxiety, and fear. Depending on the level of neglect, the child will grow up within a range of trust to full distrust for people of the world. The self in this stage is created by confidence in the world around it.
Autonomy vs. Shame/Doubt
Toddlers before the age of 3 are just beginning to explore the world where they realize they can control their actions and act on their environment to get results. The child will start to show preferences for things like food and toys and begin to establish independence.
Input and the ability to make fundamental choices will affect the child’s sense of autonomy, but if someone denies the child the ability to act on their environment, it may lead to shame and doubt in their skills. When we grow up with a healthy sense of autonomy, we believe that our “self” is allowed to be an independent entity from others.
Initiative vs. Guilt
The next stage of self is the ability to go after our desired preferences. In the 3-6 preschool age, a child is capable of initiating activities and having some control over their world through social interactions. By learning to take the initiative and responsibility, they will develop a sense of self-confidence and purpose. If someone stifles them in their efforts and ambition, they may develop feelings of guilt around tasks.
Industry vs. Inferiority
From 6-12, children begin to compare themselves to their peers. They will either feel pride around their accomplishments or have feelings of inadequacy because they don’t measure up to those around them. If children have negative experiences in this stage, they may develop inferiority complexes. When a person feels confident that they measure up healthily, they have the foundation to express their identity.
Identity vs. Role Confusion
By age 12-18, the primary adolescent’s task is to develop their sense of self fully. It is where the questions of “Who am I?” and “What do I want?” come into play. An adolescent will try on various roles and identities to see which one fits the most.
They will set goals and discover new ideas and ways of being in an attempt to realize their adult selves. The successful adolescents will have a healthy and robust sense of identity, values, and personality. If the adolescent is apathetic, is pressured to conform, or doesn’t correctly explore, they can develop a weak sense of self.
Congruence
0-18 is generally the era that has the most impact on self congruence. While most people are not always perfectly aligned with reality, there are degrees to which we experience that misalignment. Our self-concepts can become incongruent at any time, but Carl Rogers believes it most often has its earliest roots during this age.
When parents have unhealthy behavior with their children or when the environment doesn’t support the child moving through these phases, then the individual can begin to distort their understanding of reality.
For example, if a parent places conditions on their affection and makes the child “earn it” through certain behaviors, the child is likely to distort the memories of experiences that make them feel like they don’t deserve their parent’s love. It carries into adulthood, where the adult may have issues feeling loved even in healthy relationships.
On the flip side, when children experience unconditional love, it helps them create congruence. When a child feels loved no matter what, they do not need to distort their memories to make them feel loved and accepted for who they are.
By early adulthood, a person should have formed a healthy and balanced view of the world around them, able to see things realistically. Then they can move on to the adult phases that most affect the self.
Intimacy vs. Isolation
For people between the ages of 20-40, the focus is most concerned with intimacy. The thing that solidifies our self-concept in this stage is sharing our life with others. If any of the previous steps have not been resolved, adults in this stage may have issues connecting with others. The sense of identity has to be relatively complete before we can have successful intimate relationships.
Adults who have not developed a resolved sense of self by this point may experience loneliness and isolation.
Generativity vs. Stagnation
By the time an adult enters their 40s-60s, the focus of self is on finding one’s life’s work and purpose. The goal is to be contributing to the development of others through mentoring, parenting, and caring for others. They want to engage in meaningful work that provides for the world around them.
If they don’t feel a sense of contribution, they will experience stagnation and have little connection with others or their self-improvement.
Integrity vs. Despair
After the 60s, people in late adulthood start reflecting on their lives and feel either satisfaction or failure. People can feel proud and in alignment with their accomplishments, looking back on their experiences with few regrets. Or, if they have been unsuccessful in previous stages, they can feel like their life has been wasted and have feelings of low self-esteem and imperfect collective self.
Self Maintenance
Through all these phases, we can see that our sense of self grows and changes over time. Through each stage, we have different things that we desire to focus on and build ourselves around. The idea of self-maintenance is how a person actively chooses to maintain or grow their self and identity.
Although we can see through the phases that self becomes relatively fixed in childhood, it still can grow and change as we age.
The reason why we want to understand how we create the self is that we don’t just want to sit and wait for ourselves to grow and develop. We are capable of taking an active role in shaping our identity and personality at any age.
The idea of self-maintenance is relatively simple, although the practicalities of how we apply it may be complicated. Self-maintenance is how we evaluate ourselves, how we compare ourselves to our ideal selves, and the actions we take to move closer to our version of perfection.
One of the things that can complicate this process is moral ambiguity. The paper, The Dishonesty of Honest People, shows that people will behave with slight dishonestly to benefit themselves, but honestly enough that they can delude themselves into thinking they have functional integrity.
Small amounts of dishonestly give us the feeling of profiting without actually distorting our view of ourselves. It creates more incongruence because when we’re not honest about our behavior, we can’t be honest about our interactions with our reality.
When people have the intention and accountability to be aware of their standards of internal honesty, they are better able to come into congruence with a desire to improve themselves. A healthy individual is someone who can look at their identity realistically, with the commitment to doing the work to grow into their ideal selves over time.
How to Define Yourself
Defining yourself is essentially the process of creating a self-concept. We do this naturally as we move through the stages of our childhood and come to a relatively resolved sense of self. All of us have a unique self-concept that’s different from the presentation and identity of others.
Several factors create our self-concept. Our upbringing, our environment, and the way we react to the things that happen to us. It can vary from positive to negative and has emotional, intellectual, and functional aspects. Most of us have probably made it to adulthood, believing that our sense of self is a relatively stable and constant thing.
However, self-concept changes over time and with its context. The goal of a well-adjusted individual is to practice self-maintenance continually. It means that you can look at your situation honestly and evaluate how far you are away from your ideal self. You commit to growing your self-esteem, self-worth, self-image, your social roles, and your traits and qualities.
When we keep in mind that we can change our circumstances and grow into the people we want to be; we are empowered to truly define ourselves and our personalities so that we can be the best version of ourselves possible.