Self-awareness means you know all about your strengths, weaknesses, motivation, and other parts of your personality. You have a clear idea of your beliefs and values. Someone who’s self-aware understands themselves and other people. Self-awareness means you live in the moment, not in the future or in the past.
In contrast, someone who lacks self-awareness exhibits angry, defensive, or passive-aggressive personality traits. A person without emotional grounding doesn’t have clear beliefs and may change their modus operandi on a whim or because of trends or unrelated things going on around them.
Someone who’s not self-aware lives in the past or future, and isn’t tuned in to what’s going on around him at the present moment, or he’s so preoccupied with extraneous thoughts he can’t make good decisions about what’s happening around him.
Self-awareness is important because it helps you to understand your own emotions and thought processes. When you know how you will react in certain situations, you are better able to control your emotions and deal with problems concisely and constructively.
Other people will respect you and positively respond to you when they know you are rational and understand their side of things as well as yours
Why You Need to Develop Self-Awareness
Your self-defeating or illogical thoughts will change into realistic and positive ones when you become more self-aware. People who live in the moment and have a good understanding of their emotions, likes, and dislikes make better decisions. Self-awareness is tied to emotional intelligence, a trait found in many successful leaders and businesspeople.
Where you focus your thoughts determines how you live your life and how successful you are in achieving your goals. Concentrate on placing your emotions, attention, and reactions in the right areas. When you are self-aware, you’ll be less likely to be distracted by pushy friends, browsing the internet, and time-wasting activities.
You’ll see how your thoughts, behavior, and emotions determine the direction of your life. If you constantly worry about getting sick, you may develop anxiety that can cause ulcers or worse. Focus on healthy habits instead, and you’ll lose weight and feel more energetic.
Being self-aware may not create miracles, but it can make our lives better. We need to be aware of our thoughts and emotions before we can use them to improve our lives.
Self-aware people know what they’re capable of, and what they can’ t do. They do need to lie or “hide the truth” to get what they want. Self-awareness means you stay in the moment. You can make better decisions when you are fully aware of your thoughts and actions.
You also notice what people around you are doing and saying. A person who lacks self-awareness may miss social cues, body language, tone of voice, and be unable to interpret messages from others.
A self-aware person has more success in his career and relationships than someone who lacks this personality trait.
If you’ve been in a car accident, time probably slowed down for you, and you remembered every detail of the event afterward.You experienced heightened awareness due to the stress and unusualness of the event.
In everyday self-awareness, use this heightened state to pay more attention to the events around you as they are happening. Get out of your head and live in the moment. The heightened state you use in daily life is different from the one you experience during a high-stress event like a car accident.
You stay quiet and calm but still see everything around you in detail. With practice, you can learn to use this heightened awareness everyday. People who are used to worrying, daydreaming, it may take you longer to live in the moment, but the practice will eventually yield results.
Creative people also tend to be “inside their heads” and not live in the moment, but with practice, creative people can also learn to balance self-awareness with their own inspired thoughts.
Strive to develop self-awareness one aspect at a time. First, be aware of your thoughts as you have them. Don’t judge your thoughts or obsess over them; just acknowledge them. Then learn to be aware of your thoughts and emotions at the time you experience. Them. Do your thoughts make you sad, angry, happy, or do you remain neutral?
When you develop a high level of self-awareness, you can be aware of your emotions and thoughts at the moment, and even reflect on them without getting stressed. However, if you are in a stressed state, you may revert to lower self-awareness or none at all.
Self-Awareness Examples
How do you know when you’re applying self-awareness consistently in your everyday life? When you’re living life more consciously, you’ll feel more confident and experience less stress and depression. Do things with a sense of purpose and an understanding of your personality to achieve more and have a happier life.
- You can recognize and control your emotions, thoughts, and behavior.
- You have healthy relationships with others and know how to set boundaries.
- You’ve analyzed your childhood and worked on issues related to your upbringing.
- You can control your temper and let depression or anxiety ruin your day.
- You treat all people with respect, patience, and kindness.
- Complicated situations don’t stress you out, because you know you can handle them and come up with a solution.
- You’re proud of the way you act, but not arrogant.
- You’re aware of how your words and behaviors affect others.
Let’s look at self-awareness (and the lack of it) in some everyday situations you might encounter.
The Bully
A supervisor at a tech firm may be a bully, widely disliked, or even feared by his employees. However, he has no idea that he is a bully despised by everyone in his department. This manager has no social skills but is excellent at his job. He plays favorites and doesn’t listen to employees’ suggestions or concerns.
One day, a few employees confront him about his treatment of the people in his department. The manager blames someone else for the problems he caused and gets mad at his accusers. This supervisor has no self-awareness. He doesn’t see that his behavior is making employees uncomfortable and that it also clouds his judgment.
The manager’s behavior affected his co-workers and his state of mind. His reaction made the employees dislike him even more. After this incident, some employees may quit, transfer to other departments, or call in sick more often to avoid dealing with the manager. This will make the manager’s job harder than it has to be.
If the manager worked on his self-awareness, he’d get along with other employees, and feel happier instead of angry and resentful all the time.
The Angry Passenger
Someone who is not self-aware may become angry at the smallest inconvenience. This type of person may be imagining perceived slight instead of responding to a real problem. He may believe that a train line or airline has an inefficient process, and get mad at the counter clerk.
His anger might raise his blood pressure, but it will also affect the counter clerk and the people standing behind him in line. The clerk (and even the other passengers) may try to reassure him at first, but if he continues to throw a fit, the clerk will lose any sympathy she had for him.
The people behind him in line will become upset with him, and it may even affect how they treat him when everyone gets on the train or plane. Being diplomatic and calm about a problem is the best way to deal with an inconvenience.
When you’re unreasonable or angry, people are less likely to take you seriously, and it will cause you more problems and may exacerbate the one you originally had. A self-aware person would have handled the situation with tact and diplomacy.
Competing for a Promotion
You and a friend compete for a promotion, and he gets the job. You’re disappointed that you didn’t get the promotion, but you see how happy your friend is about the new position. If you couldn’t get the job, you figure, it’s better that your friend got it than a stranger.
You’re self-aware, so realize that being bitter or jealous would have wasted your energy and ruined your friendship. You couldn’t control the hiring manager’s decision. All you could do was try your best to demonstrate how well-qualified you were for the job. The rest was up to the manager.
Messages Sent by Body Language
Many people get impatient while waiting in an office, store, or restaurant. There are a few ways you can handle this situation. If you tap your fingers on a table or counter while you’re waiting, it will give others the impression that you’re impatient and displeased.
If you’re self-aware, you’ll realize what you’re doing and find another way to pass the time until your meal is served or you check out your groceries. You may realize your perceptions are getting the better of you. Maybe the average wait for a meal at the restaurant you’re visiting is half-an-hour, and you’ve only waited ten minutes.
Your thoughts and perceptions control your actions. The actions you take determine what happens to you, and how other people react to you. Learn how to pass the time in an enjoyable or neutral manner, instead of being upset about waiting a few minutes or a half-hour longer than you think you should.
Self-Awareness and Other People
When you change your behavior and thought patterns, your relationships will change. Any problems caused by your past erratic behavior will disappear. If you entered a relationship with someone who wasn’t right for you before you became self-aware, you’d end that relationship due to your new attitude.
A person who understands his or her emotions and thought patterns is better able to discern how other people operate. Understanding others makes it easier to choose the right people to do business with, be friends with, or date.
Signs You Lack Self-Awareness
You might think you’re self-aware but actually lack this important trait. Here are some signs you need to develop self-awareness:
When you agree to do something, but then do the exact opposite, you’re probably not aware of your motivations for this passive-aggressive behavior.
Acting this way means you don’t want to confront others or be confronted. You may feel vulnerable about something, or confused, and don’t want the other party to know it.
A self-aware person would admit that she can’t perform a certain task, instead of passive-aggressively agreeing to do it.
She would accept the consequences of not being able to do it (the task goes to another employee, she has to take an extra class in the subject, etc.)
You are defensive. When a friend, co-worker, or supervisor suggests ways you can improve, or points out flaws, you become hurt or angry.
A person who lacks self-awareness may take even constructive criticism or friendly advice as an insult.
If you’re self-aware, you’ll already know your strengths and weaknesses and will deal rationally with criticism.
You’re a Control Freak
A person who micromanages at work or at home, and always finds problems with small or insignificant things, is trying to deflect attention away from something important. You may have something that’s bothering you, but don’t want to confront the problem.
If your behavior changes and other people notice it, that means something is bothering you, and you won’t admit it.
A normally cheerful person who becomes angry or morose is dealing with issues he’s not confronting.
Admitting you lack self-awareness is the first step to correcting this flaw and living a more fulfilling life.
Ways to Develop Self-Awareness
If you lack self-awareness, you can develop it with practice. Seeing a therapist or talking with friends will give you insight on your behavior and how to change it. Other people can notice your personality quirks and body language and point out laws you would never notice on your own.
Write Your Autobiography
Knowing the story of your life, and writing a short, informal autobiography can help you understand why you act the way you do, and what you need to change.
The study of a person’s life story, or narrative identity, is now a recognized psychological research subject.
Writing and recognizing your life story or personal narrative helps frame your current and future behavior.
When you see your life story- the good and the bad- on a computer screen or paper in front of you, you’ll recognize what you need to do to avoid bad decisions in the future.
You’ll also understand the mechanisms you used to make good decisions, and learn to repeat them.
You don’t need to write a detailed autobiography. Simply jot down the biggest events from each year of your life and dissect them. Ask yourself the following questions to clarify your personal narrative and become more self-aware.
- Name the people, events and experiences that influenced you during your childhood and adolescence? Were there any events or people who impacted you negatively and why?
- How and when did you discover your greatest talents and passions?
How can you reframe the negative experience in a positive way? - Can you think of situations where your behavior caused bad outcomes? If so, how could you have acted differently and achieved better results?
See a Therapist or Get Feedback from Others
We all have blind spots when it comes to your behavior. Ask close friends or relatives to evaluate your actions and how you relate to others. Get their opinions about how you can improve your social and conversational skills.
Don’t take criticism of your behavior in a defensive way. Concentrate on how to be more self-aware and improve your relationships.
If you don’t get the feedback you need from friends, see a therapist.
A therapist can help you analyze your thoughts and past actions and develop new ways to act and think. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the best ways to change your everyday behavior for the better,
Developing self-awareness may take years of reflection, feedback from others, and self-analysis.
As you practice self-awareness and learn how to conquer the triggers that prevented your growth, you’ll become less defensive and more comfortable with the truth.
Practice Self-Reflection
You should meditate, keep a journal, or otherwise reflect on the events of the day.
Focus on the important things in your life, continue self-awareness practice, and refine your goals and behavior.
As you become more mindful, you’ll find that you’ll have more control over your life.
As you are better able to exert control over your emotions and behavior, you’ll get better outcomes.
Long walks in nature and praying are other ways you can get in touch with your real thoughts and feelings and become calmer and more stable in your everyday life.
As you become calmer and more centered, your physical health will also improve.
Benefits of Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is important for dozens of reasons. Living in the present and paying attention to your actions and the actions of those around you are the first components of self-awareness. Your interpretations and responses to those actions will determine how happy and successful you’ll be in life.
Here are several benefits of self-awareness:
Better Responses to Matters You Can’t Control
All your hard work and positive thinking can’t change certain things, like the weather, how the financial markets fare on a particular day or the decisions made by another person. You don’t have control over traffic jams, difficult bosses, or how long it takes customer service to return an email. We can’t control these situations, but we can control how we respond to them.
Be aware of your emotions during uncontrollable situations, and consider how they affect others. If you yell at a co-worker when you’re mad, he or she might get upset, or you might be reported to a supervisor for causing a disruption on the job.
Think of a calmer, more logical way to deal with your emotions. If you’re made at a co-worker, ask yourself why you’re upset. Is there a better way you can handle your emotions? Look at the big picture. Getting along with your co-workers is vital for your success on the job.
You know that not all of the people you work with will have pleasant personalities, so you need to work on ways to deal with annoying or rude co-workers. Can you remain calm and have a rational conversation with this person, or will you need another co-worker or supervisor to intercede for you?
Solving problems when you have no way to change the other party or situation can be tough. If you’re self-aware, however, you can deal with difficult people/events in a calm and resourceful manner.
Dealing with Disappointment
No matter how hard we try, we can’t always get what we want. Regardless of how much you study, work, or prepare, sometimes things just don’t go your way. Even small goals, like winning the local softball tournament with your team, are beyond our reach despite our best efforts.
You’re going to feel disappointed, or even depressed or angry, after missing out on a job promotion, prestigious award, or championship trophy. You shouldn’t let your emotions get the best of you. Business leaders and athletes face disappointment all the time, but they learn how to deal with it and move on to victory, and you can, too.
Step back and take a few minutes to sit alone in a quiet place and think about what’s happened and how you feel. Don’t try to hide your feelings. Accept them, and then understand that this disappointment is only temporary.
Once you’ve accepted your feelings, try to learn from the disappointment. Is there anything you can do differently next time to improve your chances of getting the outcome you want?
Understanding Feelings to Make the Most of Difficult Situations
Self-awareness means you’re able to anticipate, acknowledge, and accept your emotions. You’ll also need to reflect on your feelings and learn from them.
When you know your feelings well, you’ll have the ability to recognize the same feelings in other people. You’ll be better able to tell how other people are feeling – or might feel if you act a certain way or say certain things.
Understanding emotions and what causes people to feel sad, angry, or happy will help you treat others better and avoid conflict. If you’re driving to an event, and are stuck in a traffic jam, you may get angry and start cursing. Doing so will get you even more upset about something you have no control over, and upset your passengers.
Instead of complaining about the accident that caused the traffic jam, put on some music for you and your friends to enjoy, or talk about the event you’ll be attending. There’s no point in getting angry or upset over being stuck in traffic, so it’s much better to find an alternative to complaining.
In any situation, take a few seconds to consider the other person’s emotions. How will they react if you criticize them, get mad, complain, or sound anxious? You don’t need to hide your feelings or true concerns, but try to talk to the other party respectfully, but still rely on your intended message.
Improving Your Emotional Intelligence
A precise self-assessment to determine your emotional intelligence can show you how to improve your life. When you know your strengths and weaknesses, you can better understand and control your mood to get what you want.
Think about your moods, and what situations make you angry or depressed. Once you have the answers to these questions, you can work on ways to improve your reactions and emotions. Ask your friends for feedback about your emotional responses to stressful situations.
To truly improve your career and personal relationships, you should listen to the advice your friends and family give you, even if it’s difficult for you to hear. Accept their constructive criticisms, and become a stronger, more emotionally intelligent person.
Reading Emotions
Self-awareness doesn’t mean you never demonstrate emotions, such as anger, fear, or sadness. Being self-aware means we know when and where to use our emotions, and when to control them. When we are self-aware, we can constructively use our emotions and make the right choices.
If you misread your own emotions or ignore them, it can make your life harder and cause you to make rash decisions. Misunderstanding other people’s emotions can cause you to make even worse mistakes.
If a close friend is nervous because she thinks she may lose her job, but you think she’s nervous because she’s hiding a secret from you, it can cause unnecessary arguments and harm the friendship. Pay attention to people close to you, and you’ll have a better understanding of why they feel the way they do- even before they tell you.
Use all the suggestions above to improve your self-awareness. If you have difficulty, contact a life coach or counselor to help you. With practice, you’ll learn to control your emotions, understand yourself and others, and make better choices.