Seven out of 10 girls believe they are not good enough or don’t measure up in some way, whether it’s to their peers, to their parent’s expectations, or to their own demands they put upon themselves.
Lots of girls have low self-esteem by the time they reach puberty because they feel pressure to please the people around them — especially with how they look. To help girls have high self-esteem that will last them throughout their life, you can do these activities.
The Water Bucket Activity
The water bucket activity is best suited for an outdoor setting, as it will require water pouring out onto the ground.
Get a plastic bucket, a couple of push pins, some nails, and, if you have the means, a sharpened item thicker than a nail.
Fill up the bucket with water and have the girls stand around it. Say to them that the bucket represents their self-esteem.
Now, stick push pins into the bucket. These represent minor comments that hurt them, such as someone making a nasty comment about their appearance.
Then stick nails into the bucket. These nails represent big things that can impact our self-esteem. While other kids making mean comments to us hurts, adults who say mean things tend to have a bigger impact — especially when it comes from a parent.
The nails can also represent bad things that happen to us that hurt us, such as racism, sexism, homophobia, trauma, and more.
Take all the push pins and nails out and watch the water dribble out of the bucket until it’s empty. Try to add some more water in it with a nearby hose or pitcher. Watch as the water refuses to stay in the bucket instead of it dribbling out on the ground.
Say to the girls that just as we have to repair our buckets for it to hold water, we have to repair our self-esteem before we can truly feel good about ourselves.
Now, with a roll of duct tape in hand, ask the girls what can be done to repair self-esteem. These answers can include “remind yourself of the things you’re good at,” “talk about it with your parents,” or “journal about how those comments made you feel.”
With every answer, patch up a hole with a bit of duct tape. Once the bucket lacks any open hole, fill the bucket back up with water. There should be no more leaks.
This activity is an excellent metaphor that the girls can keep with them for a long time. They’ll be more cognizant of how mean comments affect them, as they can feel their metaphorical bucket be punctured and leak water.
When they encounter a particularly bad day when people make fun of them, or they simply feel lower self-esteem, the girls are more likely to practice the solutions that the group came up with. This teaches them to practice self-care when they feel a hit to their self-esteem rather than just letting it get lower and lower.
It’s fundamental that girls become aware that they have self-esteem and that they must take active steps to feel better about themselves when aspects of their lives make them feel bad about themselves. This activity is cheap, takes little time to do, and is excellent at making that point.
“About Me” Worksheet
Younger children will be the most enthused with this activity, though anyone of any age can do it.
Girls should fill out a worksheet that is filled with simple prompts, such as “I feel happy when I…” or “My family thinks I’m awesome because…” and more. You can create simple, uncomplicated prompts and the places to write them on word processing software and print out a bunch of copies for the girls to fill out.
Once the girls have had ample time to fill out the worksheet, you should go over the responses as a group. Volunteers should raise their hands and describe the various positive aspects of themselves. Everyone can comment on that item and provide further praise.
When you’ve gone through the list, and everyone who volunteered has raised their hands, emphasize that there are always good things and that there are always things that will make your parents happy and friends laugh.
This worksheet not only helps girls remember that, but they get the initial self-esteem boost just by filling it out.
Compliment Box
This activity requires small squares of paper, pens, and a box. It will also run better if the group is smaller, having about five girls max.
With a square of paper and pen in hand, have each girl compliment every other girl in the group. They must keep their compliment a secret. When she has finished writing, she should drop the compliment in the box.
The girls then pull compliments out one at a time and read them aloud. Everyone should try to guess who the compliment is from. Once all the compliments have been assigned correctly, the game is over.
This activity helps girls boost their self-esteem because they are reminded of all the good things about themselves. It’s easy to focus on the negatives, but a game full of praises is enough to have everyone feeling good at the end.
Keep a Self-Esteem Journal
Journaling is great for a variety of reasons. It’s a place of utter privacy and where a girl can dictate her thoughts with utter freedom. And it’s in her journal where she can keep track of all the things that make her feel good about herself.
A young girl can use a journal solelyfor writing down affirmations that boost her self-esteem or section off a portion of a journal she already uses for such a purpose.
What she should be writing is this:
- I am good at…
- I excel at…
- These are the five things that went well today…
And answer these prompts:
- Who or what made you feel good today?
- What are you grateful for today? This week?
- What makes you unique?
- Write your body a letter thanking it for everything it does.
She there are some items she should write every day, such as what she is thankful for and everything that went well that day. These should be short and act as daily reminders that there is always something to be positive about, even if it’s small.
Other prompts can be done more infrequently, such as what makes her unique and the letter to the body. These prompts take longer to write, but when they’re done, they leave a more lasting impact on the writer.
Girls can look back on their writing and keep track of their self-esteem as they age. There are bound to be bad days in which girls don’t feel good about themselves and don’t like certain aspects of their body or personality.
But since they’ve been journaling, girls can look back at previous entries and remind themselves of all the positive things in their lives.
While you can encourage girls to keep a journal and write in it frequently, it would be best not to actually have her turn in her journal to you or other adults to prove she writes in it.
Keeping a journal shouldn’t feel like a chore. The second it does, the statements in it become may feel disingenuous, and she may write what the journal checker wants her to say.
Instead, check-in with each girl to see how their journaling process is going. If she has any concerns, she may want to pull out her journal and show you.
This activity is for older children up to age 13, as it requires a bit of independence. Some amount of handholding may be required, though, if you feel the girls aren’t journaling, so you can implement journal checks if necessary.
Types of Beauty
In the past, those who have been regarded as the most beautiful tended to fall into a certain category. The most beautiful women seen on television were blonde, thin, had blue eyes, blonde hair, and were typically white.
However, the mainstream definition of beauty is changing, and it is more acceptable to all types of bodies, skin-tones, and features. And this activity helps remind girls of that. Not only will this activity focus on outer beauty but inner beauty as well.
On a whiteboard or large piece of paper, make a T-shaped chart. On one side of the chart, write “inner,” and on the other side, write “outer.”
On the “outer” side, ask the girls to write down what they think makes someone physically beautiful. They should be raising their hands, and you should call on them one at a time. Write down their responses on the chart.
Have them do the same for the “inner” side. By the end of the activity, the chart will be full of items that make people beautiful — not just physically but mentally as well.
It would help to ask them to comment on some of the most beautiful women in their lives. Make sure the answers don’t just revolve around people on the TV or social media. They should see the traits of beauty in the people all around them, such as their mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins, and more.
You can also ask the girls if they see these beautiful traits in themselves. Ending on that point will allow the girls to see that they’re beautiful in all sorts of ways too.
It’s best to do this exercise when the girls are still rather young, such as from ages 5-10.
Essay Writing
If you run a classroom, you can use the beginning portion of it to have everyone write a short essay about topics that help boost self-esteem. Everyone will benefit from it, but especially the girls.
A good topic includes having students write about a time when they were at their best. Keeping it intentionally vague helps elicit a variety of responses. Encourage the students to structure their essays like a story, with a beginning, middle, end, and ample detail.
Once the students have finished their essay, have them turn it in at the end of the allotted exercise time. You can now read through the responses and comment on the times when students felt they were at their best.
Giving students the space to open up and describe the times they felt at their prime helps build their confidence and self=esteem. They know they’re writing for an audience, even if the audience is just their teacher (you), so they have to make their experience brief and interesting.
You might not want to give a grade on the substance of the story, just the fact that it was turned it. It’s hard to judge the value of such writing since it is so personal and objective, but you can create substantive conversations about it once the essays have been written and turned in.
If you don’t want to use class time to have students write their essays, you can assign it as homework. You can then use the beginning of class for a brief discussion about the essay topic before diving into the day’s learning material.
Setting Goals
Nothing feels better than setting a goal and then achieving it. You can help girls get into the habit of self-improvement by having them build basic goals that turn into more complex ones.
Setting goals takes discipline, patience, and hard work. It also involves strategy, and you can help girls figure out the strategies in which they can accomplish their goals with this simple activity.
Create a worksheet with the following phrases on it:
- One goal to reach for next week is…
- One goal to reach for the next month is…
- One goal to reach next year is…
- One goal to reach in five years is…
Below each of the above should be the following:
- I will reach this goal by…
Work with girls with how they should achieve their goals. Now would be the best time to have a conversation on setting and achieving goals with your students.
The best way to achieve goals is to use the S.M.A.R.T. system. It helps to hone the goal-setter’s time management and make achievable progress.
The letters stand for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.
The goals should, first of all, be specific. This is really basic, as it should entail what needs to be accomplished, why it needs to be achieved, and who needs to be involved (if anyone). If a goal is extremely vague, such as “be better at something,” it’s not going to stick.
The second is that goals need to be measurable. “Read more books” is specific enough, yes, but “read ten books” has bounds to help someone improve. Reading one book technically counts as achieving the goal, but it won’t require the same amount of habit change that reading ten books would need.
The third is that goals need to be achievable. A girl can read ten short books in a month, but they might struggle to do so in one week, what with school and all their other commitments. Therefore, when setting goals, it’s best to remind girls that they must not be idealistic but remain within their realm of what they can do.
Fourth, the goals should be relevant to their overall improvement. This puts the goal into the perspective of an individual’s overall growth. Relevancy asks, “Is this the right time to achieve this goal? Is it worthwhile?” Often kids will choose items within their means, but you might have to provide help if a girl wrote, “build a jetpack in a month” or something equally outlandish.
Finally, the goal should be time-bound as it establishes urgency. We often want to improve ourselves but don’t put a time stamp on when the improvements need to be made. This activity already sets time boundaries by asking girls to achieve their goals by the week, month, year, or in five years. Still, it’s a good practice to put deadlines on when to achieve goals.
With all these in mind, it’s best to have students check in with their goals by the end of the week and month. You might not see the girls within a year or five years, but you can help them get momentum in achieving their goals with the help of this activity.
Team Leading
There are lots of statistics out there that point to the fact that women are not in top leadership in businesses, companies, media, academia, and more. One such reason could be that women lack the confidence to excel in these positions, so they pass up these opportunities.
Confidence in leadership starts early. Girls need to feel comfortable being in leadership positions in low-stakes scenarios so that they can feel confident enough to pursue other leadership positions. You can start teaching girls what it takes to be a leader and show them they already have what it takes.
One activity involves splitting the group in two. You can either assign a team leader or have each group pick their own.
With each group having their own team leader, blindfold the rest of the members. Only the team leaders should be able to see.
The team leaders must then guide their participants through an obstacle course that you set up. There should be minor “traps” and obstacles made of safe materials such as plastic bottles, toys, and soft balls. By remaining calm and using effective commands, the team leaders can succeed. Whichever team reaches the end first wins.
By having a short obstacle course and changing up the layout after every round, every girl can get a chance to be a leader. Not only is this activity fun — it allows students to get out of their seats — it requires patience, critical thinking, and comfort in a leadership position.
Learn a New Skill
Encourage girls to pick up new skills. This could be playing an instrument, taking up a sport, learning to draw, or whatever else interests her. There are so many skills to choose from that it doesn’t matter what age the girl is.
Learning a new skill requires patience, diligence, and discipline. But when girls see themselves making progress, they feel good about themselves. It would be best for the girls to pick up skills they can foster for the rest of their lives, which would be hard to do unless you were a parent or sibling.
However, if you know a girl is learning a new skill, offer her compliments and encouragement to continue learning. Everyone likes validation for hard work, and your kind words can be what makes her continue with a lifelong passion.
Give Her a Nice Ring
This activity works best for parents.
The ring doesn’t have to be a multi-thousand dollar diamond ring, but a nice-enough looking one that could make a young girl feel fancy.
Not only will she feel esteemed to have such nice jewelry, but she has to maintain it. The ring means nothing if she doesn’t wear it, but rings have to be cleaned from time to time. Rings are also easy to lose — especially if you’re a child. Giving her a nice ring forces her to be responsible and to care for valuable objects.
If she does everything right, she’ll have her ring for many years and can reap the benefits of having such glamorous jewelry. If there’s an old ring lying around that you don’t care much for, you can have it refitted to fit your daughter’s fingers.
Depending on how young your daughter is and how careful she is with her possessions, this should be an easy activity to help her build self-esteem. If your daughter tends to lose things, it would be best not to give her a ring, as losing it could make her feel worse about herself.
Let Her Make Dinner
This activity is also for parents or whoever is in charge of a young girl.
Cooking isn’t easy. It requires careful attention to detail, time-management, and the ability to multitask. When you’re cooking a large portion of food for a lot of people, there’s also a pressure to make sure everything goes smoothly. People need to be fed, after all.
Letting girls make dinner forces her into a leadership position — especially if she’s not old enough to use the stove or a knife. She’ll have to rely on her older relatives to use those items for her, but she’ll be responsible for giving people directions and following the recipe.
Therefore, if you want to give your daughter some minor leadership in a setting you can supervise, let her boss you around in the kitchen and make dinner.
She will have to have patience for the process of making dinner, which involves preparing all the ingredients and waiting for them to cook. Not only that, but she has to follow along to make sure everything is going smoothly. If there are multiple helpers, she has to delegate responsibilities to ensure everyone has a task.
It’s a lot of responsibility for a child to do, especially if they’re used to a parent cooking for them. By flipping the tables (while still guaranteeing your child doesn’t burn the house down), you can give her some leadership skills and get a meal out of it too.
Art Projects
You can make art out of anything, whether it’s a pen and paper, paints, macaroni, or papier-mache.
Art is a great way to boost a girl’s self-esteem. Art requires diligence and attention to detail. Lots of kids like expressing themselves artistically, so they’re already inclined to do it. You can push their effort along and help them get the most out of their time creating things.
If you’re a parent, encourage girls to do complicated art projects. We’re talking about art projects that would require multiple days to accomplish. By tackling harder projects, you teach girls that putting in effort pays off — especially when you give her lots of compliments when the piece is done. No matter what it looks like, a piece that had a lot of effort put in looks better.
Get Her Into Acting
Another thing parents can do that will help girls gain self-esteem is to put her on stage. Acting is an excellent way to build self-esteem as it requires being you but not you as well. When a girl has to play, say, a lion, or a princess, she gets to enjoy the limelight without having herself be put on the spot.
Theatre encourages being bold and having the confidence to go up in front of an audience. There’s lots of preparation that makes the play run much smoother, so letting your girl get into theatre is a great way to help her boost self-esteem throughout her life.
Girls tend to lack self-esteem by the time they’re in high school. You can give girls a leg up and help them gain back some confidence with these self-esteem activities.