Identity is one of the most misunderstood and underrated aspects of modern human existence. Discovering and pursuing one’s true identity can be the difference between a happy, fulfilled existence and a life full of emptiness and confusion. The stakes are undoubtedly high. But many people have no idea where to even begin.
You might start by reframing your perspective of what, exactly, identity means to begin with. Many people simply assume an identity is a passive thing, one that is handed to them as they go through life, and then remains settled. In reality, it is significantly more profound than that. We’ll have more on this in just a moment.
Once you come to understand what identity really is, you can begin to take steps to cultivate the identity that you want. That often represents a significant challenge—one of the most difficult but meaningful that any person will encounter over the course of their lives. It is a lifelong journey, but one that is, in fact, under your control.
Follow along, and we’ll help you understand what, exactly, identity is, and why it’s so important.
What is Identity
The most important question at the heart of this very concept—what exactly is identity? In its most basic sense, identity is, of course, who you are. On its surface, identity seems like it represents a tautology or a self-answering question. Whoever you are is your identity; your identity is who you are.
In a sense, that is true. But that is the shallowest possible interpretation and doesn’t come close to capturing the extent of the meaning. This common misconception is the reason why so many people don’t explore their identity further and don’t put in the effort to become who they truly are, and fulfill their potential.
Identity is a layered concept, made up of an array of seemingly disparate factors. One of the most important parts of discovering and understanding your identity is recognizing and synthesizing these different aspects of yourself. It is also continually evolving, beginning the moment you are born, and building up further and further throughout your life.
There are several important factors that determine your identity that many people are not consciously aware of. Let’s take a look at several of them now.
Conditioning
A significant part of a person’s initial identity is, in large part, wholly out of their control. Nearly all children, and many adults, develop much of their identity by merely internalizing the values of their parents, their communities, and the media they consume.
That can go in several directions, but they are all anchored externally. The person can either adopt these values as their own, or they can rebel against them. But either way, that aspect of their identity is derived from external forces beyond their own control. Even the rebels need something against which to rebel.
People can’t choose where they’re born. They can’t choose their parents, nor can they choose the culture of their community or country. Whether they embrace them or rebel, these values are going to be a part of the foundation of their identity one way or another.
The key is to identify and be aware of the parts of your identity that were socially conditioned. You don’t need to reject them, but be mindful of their presence. That will put you back in control; you can determine how your conditioning serves you rather than the other way around.
Different Roles
Most people exist in many different roles in life. For example, someone might be a nurse, a father, a son, a hiker, and so on. What many people don’t realize is that they often have entirely different identities depending on what role they’re inhabiting at a given moment.
Not only the way you act, but what you think of yourself, and the things that you value may change depending on whether you’re at home interacting with your children or at work interacting with your colleagues.
Each of these seemingly disparate identities is a part of who you are. They are all valid, and they are all legitimate. The key word there, though, is that they are a part of who you are. You are not a collection of different people. You are one holistic human being. It’s perfectly natural, and often unavoidable, to act in a different way depending on the role you’re inhabiting. But you remain the same person throughout.
One of the most significant challenges, then, is being able to synthesize these different roles into one singular identity. That allows you to remain sure of yourself, with solid footing, no matter what you are doing at any given time. While our hypothetical person from earlier is at work at the hospital, he is still a father, and he is still a son.
Once again, the first and most significant step is awareness. Take some time to be conscious of how you feel, and what you think of yourself, during each of these distinct aspects of your life. Naturally, you will be more confident in certain aspects of your life than others. But you are the same person throughout.
Constant Growth
Many adults tend to believe that their identity is stable and settled. It changed and developed throughout their childhood and adolescence, but became fixed at some point during their early adulthood. Now, we just are who we are.
That is a common line of thought, but it simply isn’t accurate. Humans continue to change throughout their lives, whether they’re aware of it or not. Growth is most concentrated in childhood, it’s true. But it’s a lifelong process nonetheless. That can lead to considerable dissonance about one’s identity.
If you continue to base your identity around an outdated view of yourself—one you have grown past—that can cause a multitude of challenges, many of which we’ll explore in-depth momentarily. But this phenomenon can be an asset as well. When you understand that change is an inevitable lifelong process, you can harness it and use it to your benefit.
Your strengths are not eternal. Eventually, they will wane. But that means your weaknesses aren’t permanent either. It’s never too late to grow into the person you want to become. Which is, ultimately, what the pursuit of identity is all about.
The Inner Self
It is all too common for people to define themselves according to others. Many form their view of their identities based on their relationships and based on the way they believe other people perceive them. Humans are social creatures, and we cannot survive alone. So it is natural to incorporate other people into the way we see ourselves.
But that is not our full story. The issue with this approach is that it causes us to neglect or ignore our inner selves. Relationships are essential, and they define a significant part of who we are. But we are also individuals. And when we fail to recognize who we are on the inside, that can cause us to drift along with the current, never taking control of our lives.
It is only by being attuned to our inner selves that we can discover what we truly want out of life. When we base our identity around others, it is incredibly limiting. That makes it impossible to follow our own path. It is our inner self that defines our potential in this world. Discovering our true identity is about learning what we want out of our lives—and giving ourselves a chance to accomplish it.
By looking inward, we can identify not just our wants and dreams, but also the type of person we want to be. Discovering our identity has innumerable benefits, many of which we’ll discuss in detail momentarily. But at its core, it’s all about making the person you most want to be, and the person you really are one and the same.
Why is Identity So Important?
Identity is a very misunderstood concept, one that most people experience passively if they experience it at all. But when you choose to actively seek and cultivate your identity, there are considerable significant benefits, some small and tangible, others potentially life-changing. They include:
- Greater confidence
- Deeper integrity
- Stronger relationships
- Self-actualization
Greater Confidence
Self-confidence is a nebulous concept, one that seems difficult to define and can vary dramatically from moment to moment. But a large part of self-confidence comes from knowing exactly who you are. When you are secure in your identity, you don’t define yourself by your successes or your failures.
People with strong senses of self are more willing to take risks when appropriate because they know that even if things don’t work out, they still are who they are. When you aren’t sure who exactly you are, you are far more likely to be discouraged by setbacks. Failures become internalized. You didn’t just fail at this endeavor, you are a failure yourself.
Likewise, you may get too high following successes—which simply raises the height from which you fall after your next setback. That outlook is, unfortunately, extremely common. But you don’t have to submit yourself to it. By working to cultivate your genuine identity, you remove yourself from that rollercoaster.
When you truly know who you are, you don’t internalize the results of every endeavor. You are willing to trust your decision-making processes, and you remain secure in yourself, no matter how things turn out. You don’t get too high or too low. Cultivating your identity means cultivating a steady confidence.
Deeper Integrity
Integrity is another oft-misunderstood concept. It isn’t just about knowing right from wrong; rather, it’s doing what you believe is right in every situation, even when it is difficult. The greater a person’s sense of integrity, the more they are able to follow their value system at all times.
Integrity is an incredibly valuable trait. It is often held up as one of the most critical qualities a person can have, both in the professional sphere and the personal. But there is, of course, an important prerequisite before someone can live a life of integrity. To follow your value system, you first need to develop a value system.
A significant part of discovering your identity is reaching a deeper understanding of what is most important to you. If you experience your identity passively, your value system will likely be ingrained entirely through conditioning, and you likely won’t be very invested in it.
Understanding who you really are, on the other hand, helps you realize what you truly believe in, and what you’re willing to fight for. When you are passionate about and confident in your belief system, you are more willing to stick to it even in the face of adversity. That is what integrity is all about.
Stronger Relationships
Another often overlooked benefit of developing one’s identity is that it improves your relationships with other people. That may be surprising to many; focusing on your identity is inherently a self-oriented activity. How would looking inward improve your external relationships?
There are two significant factors at play here. First of all, when you really know who you are, and you derive your confidence internally, it helps you establish relationships for the right reasons. When we look to external relationships for validation, we leave ourselves vulnerable to manipulation and exploitative relationships.
When we have a strong sense of self and don’t need to rely on others for validation, we can easily remove such manipulators from our lives. The relationships we do pursue will be ones that exist for the right reasons–healthy ones that enrich our lives as well as the other person’s. Further, the relationships we engage with will be stronger.
That is because we will be healthier ourselves. Relationships don’t exist in a vacuum. The stronger the senses of self of the individuals who make up a relationship, the healthier that relationship can be. So when we discover and cultivate our identity, we’re able to eliminate unhealthy relationships from our lives and cause the ones that remain to truly thrive.
Self-Actualization
All of these distinct benefits are simply discrete aspects of something greater. The true importance of identity is that it leads to self-actualization. One of the most significant concepts in human life, self-actualization can be alarmingly rare in the modern world. But what does it mean, exactly?
Self-actualization is the process of fulfilling one’s inner potential and striving to become the person you’ve always wanted to be on the inside. In the simplest sense, it’s about turning potential into reality. There are three equally important steps to the process, all intrinsically linked with the cultivation of identity.
Choosing a Purpose
Without an identity and a strong sense of self, it’s easy to simply drift through life, allowing yourself to be pulled along by the current. Life becomes an inherently passive experience. But by cultivating your identity, you are able to develop goals towards which you can strive.
Having a purpose is the thing that most gives life meaning. It changes life’s day-to-day grind from something you have to do into something you get to do. And your purpose is completely under your control. It’s something you get to choose… but only by exploring and developing your sense of self.
Pursuing Your Purpose
Choosing your purpose is an important part of internal self-discovery. But it only really matters if you translate that internal purpose into the real world. Plenty of people have dreams. But far too many of them fail to pursue them, writing them off as unrealistic. It is action that separates a dream from a purpose.
The core of self-actualization is not to develop a purpose, but to use your life to pursue it. Do whatever you can to make that purpose a reality. Understand that there will be setbacks; embrace them rather than shying away. Discovering your identity means you keep getting back up and keep fighting to pursue your purpose.
Living Honestly
The final, most overarching aspect of living an actualized life is living honestly. That does not mean telling the truth; instead, it means living outwardly as your genuine self. Just as finding a purpose is largely meaningless unless you truly pursue it, discovering your identity only matters if you live it openly and honestly.
This is the ultimate end goal of cultivating your identity and enhancing your sense of self–living an honest life in genuine pursuit of your purpose. Every human being is full of potential. But it is only by looking within and discovering your identity that you can bring that purpose to the surface.
How to Cultivate Your Identity
That all may feel very overwhelming. But there are several strategies you can employ to help develop your identity. Some are simple, and some are more complex. They include:
- Understand your strengths and weaknesses
- Explore new things
- Practice active awareness
- Don’t be afraid to rely on others
- Pursue alignment
Understand Your Strengths and Weaknesses
You don’t need to define yourself according to the strengths and weaknesses of your personality. As we’ve already discussed, growth is a lifelong process, and you can play an active role in shaping much of your identity. Still, different people respond to the same stimuli in different ways. It can be very beneficial to have a general understanding of your personality and the way your mind works.
As we’ll discuss further in a moment, one of the most important aspects of self-discovery is organizing the many fragmented things that make you who you are into one cohesive whole. That alignment starts at the top; understanding what you do well and where you could stand to improve will give you a head start in aligning your goals with the disparate aspects of your identity.
One thing to keep in mind is that you don’t need to solely focus on what you currently do well. Discovering your strengths is great, and aligning your goals with them is perfectly reasonable. But discovering the things that you struggle with can be equally valuable, if not more so.
Discovering weaknesses represents an opportunity for growth. It is, of course, far more difficult to get better at something if you don’t realize you need to improve. Being aware of your strengths and weaknesses, then, has a twofold benefit in the pursuit of your identity.
Explore New Things
If you don’t feel as though you have a purpose, and feel like you are missing passions in life, that’s likely only because you haven’t had the chance to experience them yet. We understand, of course, that some people are limited by circumstance in terms of the experiences to which they have access.
But when possible, explore as many new things as you can. Getting outside your comfort zone is one of the best ways to learn about yourself. The fact is, it’s impossible to know how you’ll respond to something until you’ve tried it.
When you remain within the shelter of your comfort zone, you are inherently going to stay in the same place, spinning your tires. You can strive to grow internally, but without action, that is nothing but a hypothetical thought exercise.
By trying new things whenever possible, you give yourself the chance to learn more about yourself—in both directions. When you try something and decide it’s not for you, that’s also a lesson. Figuring out what you don’t like can be just as valuable in its own way as determining what you do.
Practice Active Awareness
A strategy that feels simple but can actually be quite complex, actively observing the way you feel can be one of the most effective ways to cultivate your identity. At its core, this practice is about breaking the cycle of passive existence—of simply coasting through life without critically appraising your experiences.
The concept is indeed simple. Be mindful of how you feel in specific situations. Be an active participant in your own life—focus on the way you feel and consider why. When you have a knee-jerk reaction to something, take a step back. Explore that reaction, and what the cause of it may have been.
In practice, though, this can be anything but simple. Our bodies are essentially trained to go through life on autopilot. Being constantly aware requires constant focus. It’s important to realize that you’re not going to be perfect right away. When you notice you’ve been drifting, don’t get discouraged. Rather, take that as an opportunity to take a breath and focus on how you’re feeling.
Over time you will become more adept at the practice. And ultimately, nothing can teach you more about yourself. You’re able to experience your feelings more profoundly, and beyond that, you will be able to reflect on why specifically, you feel the way you do.
Don’t Be Afraid to Rely on Others
Self-discovery is inherently a self-oriented activity. It’s right there in the name! But that doesn’t mean you need to go through it all on your own. Ultimately, this is your journey. But other people can provide valuable support and insight, and there’s no shame in relying on them.
Sometimes we are too close to our own situations to be able to make an accurate appraisal. Other people can often see things in us that we can’t see ourselves. It can be tremendously useful at times to simply ask your loved ones how they see your identity. Sometimes that can provide us with insight we wouldn’t have found in any other way.
Further, this can be a rather arduous journey. Sometimes you will learn things about yourself that will be discouraging, or painful. In these situations, it’s important to lean on your support network when you have the chance. Yes, it’s your journey. But that doesn’t mean other people can’t play a significant role.
Pursue Alignment
As we discussed earlier, identity is a layered, multifaceted concept. It’s continually evolving, and you may have a completely different identity at work, at home, out with your friends, visiting family, and so on. There’s nothing wrong with acting differently in different settings. But it’s common for people to feel differently about themselves in those different settings as well.
Further, you may find yourself in a situation where your chosen purpose and your actions are heading in opposite directions. When you first set out to cultivate your identity, it can feel like you’re juggling a dozen balls all at once. That’s why arguably the most critical part of this process is synthesizing and aligning all these disparate parts.
You may occupy different roles, but you are still one person. Switching back and forth between different identities throughout the day can move you further and further away from a solution. Instead, work to pull your favorite parts of each “version” of yourself, and synthesize them into one holistic identity. That will give you a consistent anchor and a deeper understanding of yourself, no matter what role you’re occupying at any given moment.
To achieve true actualization, it’s imperative that you develop an identity, a purpose, and a course of action that are all in alignment with each other. That is the final challenge, and one of the most difficult ones. But it’s also the one that has the most valuable payoff.