Learning how to deal with fake friends is never easy. After all, every friendship has a great start, but it can spiral out of control over time. In most cases, it happens before you realize it has taken a turn for the worse.
People change over time, so it’s understandable that your relationship can change too. Everyone should be prepared for that possibility, especially long-term friends.
The serious problem begins when a friendship becomes toxic and starts taking a toll on your emotional health. Believe it or not, friendships can be as messy as romantic relationships because there are just as many feelings. They might be different feelings, but they are just as deep and breaking up with a long time friend is equally as hard.
Still, if you have a feeling that some of your friends aren’t treating you fairly, you need to reevaluate those friendships. Don’t ignore the problem, reassure yourself, or doubt your personal feelings.
Friendships are important and many people go through hard times. However, it’s time we all learned the difference between being a supportive friend and letting someone manipulate you. It’s time to learn how to deal with fake friends and figure out how to recognize them for who they truly are.
The Importance of Real Friends
If we asked you to name a best friend, someone likely pops into your head right away. Genuine friends are the people who get you through life and we all hold them near and dear.
They’re the ones who brighten your day and encourage you. You are each other’s support system and that is incredibly important. It’s not easy to find people that you mesh with perfectly and it’s hard to stay connected for years on end.
Real friends are crucial, even if you don’t talk to them all the time or see them on a regular basis. Regardless, it’s comforting to have someone you can call if you need advice or get into a pinch.
We need people who will keep our deep dark secrets in order to give us embarrassing advice. They steer us away from our bad decisions and understand when we don’t always heed their advice. They’re the people who stand by you after a bad breakup, tell you “I told you so” and still give you a shoulder to cry on.
Real friends get us through the best and worst events of our lives.
That isn’t to say that you won’t ever fight with a true friend. Sometimes you tell them things they don’t want to hear and they do the same for you. Tensions can always run high and small fights should never affect your relationship too deeply.
Unfortunately, life does crazy things to all of us, and through the years we are bound to change. Even our best friends in the world can eventually become the worst thing for us. As terrible as that is, it’s something we have to consider.
That is precisely why we want to point out all the red flags of a fake friend and how to deal with them in different ways.
Recognizing the Red Flags of a Fake Friend
If you’re going to learn how to deal with fake friends, you need to figure out how to recognize their behavior. Most of us don’t want to point out our friend’s faults, even when it’s fairly obvious. We make excuses for them and defend their actions.
In some cases, it’s understandable that we have a habit of defending them. When a person has gone through a lot, it can have a serious effect on their behavior. Sometimes that change is temporary. Other times, it will show their true colors.
Either way, there is only so much we can handle. Bad friendships can affect us and the way we feel about ourselves. At some point, we have to accept things for what they are and understand that we can’t always fix people. We can only be there for them when they’ll have us.
Still, there is a significant difference between supporting people through hard times, and being an enabler. Some “friends” are incredibly talented at using people as a crutch. They take advantage of your sympathy and kindness, and would never give you the same kind of support.
In the end, fake friends can drain you mentally, emotionally, and financially. You might believe that you’re helping them, but in reality, you’re investing in their bad habits.
That being said, we want to go over some of the actions of fake friends. Once you learn to recognize the red flags you can figure out what steps to take next.
Dodging the Blame
You’re treading in dangerous waters when you have a friend who can never accept their mistakes. They’re the friends who deflect their problems onto other people.
You see, when you don’t take accountability for your actions, people lose respect for you. The same is true when you have friends who make excuses for everything that goes wrong in their lives. Worse still, they will drag you down with them when they’re trying to avoid the blame for their own misfortunes.
For instance, some people can’t keep a job because they’re lazy or disrespectful. If you love them, it’s hard for you to recognize that issue, especially when you don’t work with them. Over time, their immaturity will lead to money problems. At some point, they may ask you for money, and if you give in, they might continue asking.
Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, they claim the managers were out to get them or something along those lines. Your friendship will likely turn sour when you eventually stop funding their poor decisions. Even then, they might draw you into a guilt trip once again and ask you to help “one last time.”
In reality, they’ve already driven everyone else away because they took advantage of them already.
It’s crucial that you recognize these snares and avoid helping the people who always blame others. They will be in a downward spiral expecting people to help them every step of the way. In reality, they thrive in the problems they created. They will only take advantage of others until they come to a brutal realization that they are their own worst enemy.
Everything Comes with Conditions
When it comes to fake friends, everything will feel like it’s conditional when you open your eyes to it. As though you have a friendship that is based purely on how hard you work for it. They make the plans and you follow them like a puppy.
That might not sound that bad to some people. It can feel like a relief when you aren’t always in charge. However, it can take a huge toll on your friendship over time.
If you’re in a conditional friendship, your friend might only be kind to you if you do exactly what they say. If you’re a bit of a pushover, you can probably go a long time without noticing that a friend is controlling your life.
This is more common when you’re living with your friends. Then they are around enough to have that kind of power over you. They have a chance to make you feel guilty for not spending time with them. There are also more opportunities for them to tell you what to do by judging your decisions and making you question yourself.
If they’re really good, you might never notice that they convinced you to think and feel a certain way. Before long, you are doing all the things they want you to do and never thinking for yourself. It’s a way for some people to feel in control. Because of that, they are drawn to impressionable people.
The Constant Cold Shoulder
Have you ever had a friend who phases you out? You never know when it will happen, but they give you the cold shoulder for no apparent reason.
Those are typically the friends who love to fight, disagree, and freeze you out. They judge everything you do and don’t tell you when something is bothering them. Instead, they shut you out of their lives without an explanation.
Eventually, this sort of friend will come back like nothing ever happened. It’s usually because they realized how ridiculous they were being. Although, they would never admit that to you.
So you start over, act like everything is perfect, and continue being their friend. Only for them to do the same thing again down the road.
You love this friend, would do anything for them, and make excuses for them. “This is just the way they are,” or “They’re going through a rough time, I’m happy to give them space.”
Both of those are merely excuses for a bad friend.
If you allow someone to ghost you constantly and never demand an answer, they will keep it up. Granted, if you express how much you hate it, they could decide to cut it off entirely. But that is for the best if it’s taking a considerable toll on you.
You should have a friend who is open to you and lets you open up as well. It’s not too much for you to ask for a mutual understanding. It’s a common courtesy.
You wouldn’t let someone do that in a romantic relationship because you would know you couldn’t count on them. This is a similar situation. In other words, if you can’t rely on them, why bother putting any time into a relationship with them?
Fake Friends Never Have Your Back
Fake friends can have motives, although it’s hard to recognize in the middle of a budding friendship. Some people only want someone to hang out with when they’re bored. Other’s can sense your insecurities and feed on that. Building their own self-confidence up while they make you feel even smaller.
More than anything, fake friends love to hear about your life to spread things around you. They thrive on gossip. Their goal when they get to know you is to gain your trust and learn all your secrets.
We know, it might sound like something straight out of High School, but some things never change. Everyone wants to have an interesting story to tell…even if they have to use yours.
That’s why you need to start slow with friends and get a feeling for the type of person they are before getting personal. If they seem like they’re always digging, it might be a red flag right off the bat that they have another motive.
You are Their Emotional Outlet
One of the most difficult fake friends to recognize are those that need constant attention. They are the friends who call you constantly and pour their heart out to you. Moreover, every problem in their life is bigger than yours.
You get caught in a cycle of listening and never being heard. They don’t ask about your life or the things that you are going through. It never occurs to them that you need help or emotional support as well.
A real friendship should have a balance. A sense of giving and taking that benefits you both. After all, you are a team and a support system. True friends will know something is wrong, whether you voice the problems or not.
It’s a matter of checking in with each other, even when you can’t spend much time together.
If you’re constantly changing your life and plans to deal with the drama someone creates, you will feel drained. Emotional vampires don’t make for a healthy friendship and you deserve better.
You Can’t Keep Up and You Shouldn’t Try
Have you ever had a pushy friend? Someone who always pushes you to participate in everything they do?
It probably seems fun and spontaneous in the beginning. They’re pushing you out of your comfort zone and making you expand your horizons. Maybe they have an outgoing personality that you admire.
Unfortunately, there is a difference between an outgoing friend and one who takes advantage of you.
If they have a hard time finding someone who wants to participate in their plans, there might be a reason for it.
When we’re younger, there is always a friend with parents who spoil them. They want others to do everything with them, but not everyone can spend the money. In other cases, it’s the people who want to party every weekend. It’s fun for some time, but it takes a toll on your life quickly.
As we get older, those people don’t always change. They’re used to getting their way and doing anything they want, and they expect others to do the same. That is when you get pushed into a hole, racking up credit card debt to keep up with their way of life.
In reality, they should be slowing down every once in a while to enjoy your company. Unfortunately, that’s not why they’re friends with you. They like the fact that you will do whatever you can to keep up with them and their lifestyle. But instead of pursuing your own goals, you get caught up in theirs.
Our advice is to avoid spending too much time with these friends. If they treat you like your ideas are nothing but an inconvenience, they aren’t your real friends. They will ditch you in a heartbeat for someone who will make an effort to keep up with them.
Two-Faced Manipulators
One of the worst types of people is two-faced. They act one way in front of you and turn around to act entirely different behind your back.
It honestly feels like something that only happens in movies. At least, until you experience it for yourself. Some of the sweetest people around are really good actors. They know what to say to befriend people and make them comfortable.
Sounds alright so far right? Well, not so much when they’re scheming to ruin other people’s lives.
To give you a quick personal example, there was a girl who was the sweetest thing. She was dating a good friend of mine, they had a kid together, and were set to get married.
He ended up calling off the wedding because she was pitting him against his family. Making him miserable and temperamental, which wasn’t his character at all.
When she realized he was getting cold feet, she started texting the mother of his first child. She made up stories about him being drunk and abusive so he would lose custody of his first child. Presumably, so they’re new little family wouldn’t involve his other child.
It was a mess, but it goes to show how dangerous it can be to be friends with a manipulative person. If they have it out for you, there’s no telling how they might try to ruin your life. Not because you did anything wrong, but purely out of spite.
How to Deal with Fake Friends Once You Pinpoint Them
When it comes to figuring out how to deal with fake friends, every situation is different. The most important step is figuring out why you think they’re fake friends. What do they do to make your life harder? How do they take advantage of you? Do they do anything to support and encourage you?
If you need to think things over before taking action, consider making a pros and cons list. For some people, this is a difficult suggestion. It makes you feel like you’re the one being a bad friend.
Still, if you can think of five negative things before you even start writing it down, you shouldn’t hesitate. There is something wrong and you don’t have to protect them, especially since they don’t need to see the list.
The list is something that will help you weigh things out and determine whether your gut feeling is correct.
If it makes you feel better, you can write a pros and cons list for yourself too. Evaluate your own performance as a friend and think about ways you could do better.
Every friendship is an investment. You’re dedicating time and effort to bring someone into your life and appreciate them. They should do the same thing for you.
If a friend cares more about what you can do for them, there is nothing wrong with re-evaluating that relationship. You don’t need to waste your time on someone who would never do the same for you.
So if you’re caught up in a toxic friendship, we have a few suggestions on how to deal with fake friends.
Talking It Out
Before anything else, you should try talking to your friend about the issues you have with them. For instance, if you have someone who borrows money and never pays it back. Or if you know they’ve been talking about you behind your back.
Those sorts of things will hurt a relationship because you lose trust in that person. You start resenting them over time. That never pans out to be a valuable friendship.
If you can express your feelings and they listen wholeheartedly, you know they care. It can be difficult for people to change on a dime, but they can try their best.
As their friend, you should understand that they can’t change instantly. You should stop giving them an opportunity to make the same mistake.
Don’t tell them private things, don’t lend them money, and don’t rely on them in the areas they let you down. If they were only in the friendship for the things you did for them, they’ll probably stop talking to you. It will be an uncomfortable realization, but absolutely necessary.
If you talk through your problems and they get offended or deny their faults, that’s another red flag. There is no reason they can’t hear you out. If you can’t talk to them about the ways they are taking a toll on you, they aren’t a real friend.
Limiting Your Connection
After you talk to your friend, you can determine your next step. If they didn’t hear you out, wouldn’t consider their faults, or got angry it’s time to move on.
If you have an unavoidable relation to this person, you should do your best to ease out of the friendship gracefully. There’s no need to cause and scene or be rude. They will only turn that around on you and make you look like the bad guy.
Instead, you can start turning them down if they want to hang out one-on-one. They should get the memo or give up before long.
If you’re having difficulty dodging their company entirely, you should try to limit the association to group settings. That will spread their attention to other people and it will make your friendship much more casual.
Cutting Ties Once and For All
If your friend is taking a huge toll on your life in any way, you should consider cutting ties entirely. We allow people to take advantage of each other now more than ever. We have the option to stay in touch through so many different outlets.
If someone is rude, abusive, and brings you down in any way, you shouldn’t hesitate to ghost them. It might feel brutal to completely cut them off without a reason or explanation, but you’re doing the right thing.
You don’t owe them a thing if they have been malicious or have taken advantage of you in any way. In some cases, it might not be obvious right away. You might think that you’re helping them out and they’ll be back on their feet before they know it.
In those cases, you open the door and give them an opportunity to take advantage of you. Sometimes it needs to happen before you wise up. But once you learn the signs, you’re going to be much better off. Then you can move on and find friends who are worth your time.
When you finally come to the realization that they are nothing but a fake friend, you need to break off the cycle ASAP. It’s especially crucial if they are taking a toll on your mental health.
Real friends will stick by your side no matter what and they don’t bring you down. You encourage each other, take an interest in each other’s lives, and are willing to help each other. If you don’t feel like you’re valued by a person, don’t waste any more of your time on them.
Don’t accept less than you deserve in any type of relationship, romantic or otherwise.
Dealing with Fake Friends Isn’t Easy — It’s Necessary
We covered a lot of different scenarios to give you food for thought. There are so many different kinds of fake friends out there and it can be hard to recognize them for who they truly are. It’s also not always easy to figure out what to do when you’ve figured it out.
Still, it’s important to learn how to deal with fake friends and weed them out of your life whenever you can. It might not seem like a big deal, but they are likely the only people taking advantage of you. They shouldn’t have the right to have any power over your life.
You can apply these same principles to the toxic family members in your life too. Nobody should be able to put you down or take advantage of you, which is what fake friends are famous for.
They will always let you down and you deserve friends who have your back every step of the way.
If you have experience dealing with fake friends, we would love to hear your story in the comment section below!