I am a happy mom. I’ve been saying this for years. But it wasn’t until eighteen months ago when I finally admitted the truth – that I was miserable and my life was all wrong – that I learned what it meant to be a happy mom indeed. And now … well now, I don’t have to say it. I’m at peace within, and it shows on the outside. If you need help, here’s some advice on how to be a happy mom.
Am I a Happy Mom?
I can’t tell you how many times in the last year that someone has told me how happy I look. Every time I hear it, I feel a sense of pride. Because I didn’t get happy by chance. It took blood, sweat, tears, and years of heartbreak and self-evolution before I could honestly admit that I was a happy mom.
So does this mean that for the last fifteen years that I’ve been a mom, I’ve been unhappy? Yes. And no. This article isn’t about abuse, so I won’t go into the details, but I do want to put it out there that if you’re in an abusive relationship, there is hope. You can be happy again once you get the strength to walk away. If I did it, so can you.
Needless to say, I haven’t been happy. But I have had plenty of happy times. I can reflect on my life as a mom so far, and there are so many beautiful memories. I was doing the best I could in a bad situation. I was happy being a mother, but I wasn’t a happy mom.
Who are You, Mom?
When you become a parent, your life is no longer your own. Now your children dominate your time, your thoughts, and your energy. It’s easy to forget to take care of yourself when you’re so busy caring for your kids. As a mom of four, no one understands this more than me. For thirteen years, I forgot I even existed. I had no identity other than Mom.
I live for my children. We’ve been through so much together that we have a bond closer than most families. How many moms can say they still get hugs from their teenage sons right in the middle of the high school parking lot? My 14-year-old daughter calls herself my ride or die and is quick to point out that we’re best friends.
My baby – almost seven-year-old daughter – is known for being the motivational one. She’s always encouraging her friends and classmates. It’s no wonder she’s so great at cheerleading! Every week, I’m getting emails from random teachers and even the principals about something she’s done.
My children are proud to announce that a single mother has raised them. We have mutual respect, and that has allowed me to instill morals into my children that many kids lack today. Traits that you need if you want to be a productive, well-functioning member of society.
- Manners
- Compassion
- Respect
- Confidence
- Loyalty
- Determination
- Honesty
- Integrity
- And most of all, the courage to be themselves in a world where you’re judged for being different.
My ten-year-old son has the biggest heart of any kid I know. He’s a true patriot for his age. The only child I know that acknowledges every service member he comes across, with a firm handshake and a “Thank you for your service. You’re a hero.” It doesn’t matter where we are, or if they’re police, firefighter, or military.
If they’re wearing a uniform and serve the people, he wants to show his gratitude. He’s even been known to try spending his allowance to pay for military members’ meals. It’s quite adorable. He’s also inspired some of his friends to act the same way.
More than a Mom
As you can see, I’m quite proud of my children. I’m proud of my accomplishments so far in raising such incredible kids. I’ve always been happy being a mom. A large part of my ability to be the parent I am, both mom and dad, is because I was raised in a loving home by two amazing parents.
My parents have been there for me through every event in my life. When I’m succeeding, they’re cheering me on and being proud of my hard work. But when I’m at rock bottom, they’re there to dust me off and get me back on my feet again. My parents offered me and my kids’ stability when we were thrown into chaos.
When my life fell apart, it was easy to focus on providing my kids with some semblance of balance. Being a mom made me happy, so my life was great. Until my parents abducted my kids for a weekend out of town, and I was left alone. Suddenly, I realized I wasn’t happy. I just had happy moments. I was lost. I had forgotten how to live as anything other than a mom.
How to Be a Happy Mom
As crappy as it is, your emotional well-being will affect your children’s emotional development. When you’re not happy, they won’t be. And just because you have moments of happiness doesn’t mean that you’re in a good place. To be the best mother possible, you have to learn how to be content in all areas of your life. Not just when you’re fulfilling your all-encompassing role of mother. Here are some tips to help you become a happy mom and live a truly healthy, happy life.
Ask for Help
When you become a mother, you’ll feel a sense of love like you’ve never imagined. This tiny human being is now entirely reliant on you for its every need. It’s easy to forget that there is a life outside of your role as a mother. Many moms make the mistake of trying to do everything on their own.
I was one of those. When I was suddenly a single mom to four children, I decided it was time to go at it solo. For a while, I refused to accept any help. I wanted to do everything on my own. These were my children, my responsibility. It wasn’t anyone else’s place to help me with their raising.
But it quickly became apparent that I might need a bit more help than I expected. Have you ever tried juggling four different recreational games at the same time at various parks around the area? I have, and it was exhausting. I was always missing one kid’s thing to be at another’s. Finally, I broke down and did what I swore I’d never do. I asked for help.
Letting People Help You Helps Them
You may feel weird asking for help. I was and still am the same way. I hate admitting there’s anything I can’t deal with on my own. I’ve developed a sense of independence these last 18 months, and there have been times when it’s almost bitten me in the rear end. I’ve learned a different way to look at things that might make you change your mind about accepting help.
What would you do if you saw a friend or family member struggling to handle a problematic situation by themselves? Wouldn’t you want to step in and help them out? It can be hard watching a loved one struggling, especially when you know you can make things easier for them. When you turn down people’s offers to assist you, you’re making them feel helpless. Even if you want to do things on your own, find small ways to let your loved ones help when they offer.
Something as simple as letting someone else pick up the groceries and dry cleaning can make a big difference. You could use the spare time for another item on your to-do list, or even just use the time for yourself to take a breather. Catch up on your favorite tv show. When your loved one comes back from their errand to see you relaxing instead of working, it can make them feel even better about helping. For the sake of your loved ones’ feelings, let them be useful.
Help Others
Now, you may think I’m crazy for suggesting you try helping other people with their problems. You’re already overburdened with so much stuff you have to get help yourself. But when you take the time to assist someone with their problems, it lets you forget about your issues for a while.
Helping those in need can also make you feel good about yourself. When you’re isolated in your little world, it can be easy to become narrow-minded. Your problems might seem like the end of the world at the time. But when you help someone less fortunate than yourself, you often realize just how lucky you are.
Dealing with other people’s problems allows you to put your own life into perspective. There are days when I take for granted how blessed I am to have four happy, healthy children. So many people out there will never get to realize their dream of being a parent. I try to remind myself of that when my kids have pushed me to the brink of my nerves, and I’m tempted to sell them on Etsy (It’s just a joke. Don’t get offended).
Get Out of the House
I am a homebody. I love being at home, away from the world. People are too crazy. But keeping yourself locked away isn’t healthy for you, physically or mentally. Your body needs fresh air and sun to maintain optimal function. Sunlight can boost your mood and your immune system.
If you want to be a happy mom, you have to get out of the house. Plan a visit to the park with your kids. If you have a mom friend or two, invite them to come along, so you have something to do while spending time soaking up the sun. It doesn’t matter if you spend your time playing on the equipment with the kids, lying on a blanket in the sun, or walking around the track. Just get outdoors.
Even if you decide to stay at home, you can still find ways to enjoy the outdoors. Let your kids enjoy some playtime in the backyard while you fiddle with a garden. Save some money by hanging your clothes up to line dry in the sun. Add an extra lap in for your pet’s walk. Get at least thirty minutes of sunlight every day for balanced Vitamin D levels. Your complexion will thank you.
Spread the Sunlight
Even when you’re indoors, you can reap the benefits of sunlight. Open up all the curtains and blinds so your house is filled with natural light. Not only will you be able to reduce your power bills by not having to use interior lights or heat, but you’re boosting the ambiance of the room.
When you’re in a room that’s filled with natural sunlight, you’re given an automatic emotion boost. It’s easier to feel at peace and happy. Think of how glum you feel when it’s gloomy and rainy outside. Sunlight is a natural mood booster. Spend a few minutes lounging in the sunlight streaming through the windows when you’re feeling stressed or angry.
Find ways to stay in the sunlight throughout your day. If you’re folding laundry, post up in front of a window so you can bask in the rays while sorting. Sit in the sun while you’re checking your emails or scrolling through your social media. Read a book while sitting on your back porch. Enjoy a cup of coffee while checking the mail. Start a garden and tend it every day. You can grow things indoors if you live in a climate that isn’t suitable for outdoor plants.
Get Your Sleep
Sleep deprivation is a common condition that most moms experience at some time in their lives. There never seems to be enough hours in the day for me to finish everything I’ve wanted to do. From the second you bring a baby into this world, you become their slave.
When I first became a mom, I was a walking zombie. I tried to stick to my regular sleep schedule, but it quickly became apparent that it was time to come up with a new sleeping routine. Now that I’m a 15-year vet in mom-hood, I’ve learned the secret of sleep. Get it whenever you can. Screw a schedule.
If you want to be a happy mom, you’ve got to get enough sleep. When you’re sleep-deprived, you’ll have a short temper, dull hair, facial breakouts, and jitters like you’ve consumed a pot of coffee. Which you probably have when you’re running on little sleep. Take naps whenever you get a few minutes of quiet. That load of laundry you just pulled out of the dryer can wait until later.
Sleeping Tips
A lot of my mom friends are envious of me because I seem to be able to keep up with the busy lives of my four children without getting worn out. The truth is, I’m exhausted. I’ve been exhausted since 2004. I’ve just learned how to function with my exhaustion.
I love my sleep. Unfortunately, I know I don’t get enough of it. I’m the last to go to bed because you can’t leave teenagers up on a school night and expect them to go to bed on time. You have to monitor that crap. And I’m the first to get up in the morning because I have to get everyone ready to start their days. During the night, I toss and turn. According to my FitBit watch, I only get one hour of deep sleep and three hours of light sleep a night. Terrifying, huh?
So what’s my secret weapon if I’m so limited on sleep? I’ve learned how to rely on power naps. When your body is feeling worn down, and your eyes are heavy, set the alarm on your phone for twenty minutes. Close your eyes, and have a catnap.
You’ll be surprised how refreshed you feel when you wake up. And now your next load of laundry is ready to go. There’s still plenty of time to get everything done. Aim for four power naps a day for optimal rest.
Get Some Exercise
We’ve all got that one mom friend who swears by athletic pants and hours spent at the gym. If you don’t have an established exercise routine, you might be under the mistaken impression that your friend is just trying to keep her body looking good.
Granted, that is one of the primary reasons for exercising. But did you know that working out can also improve your mood? Exercise is an excellent treatment for the baby blues, a condition in which Mom feels like she’s lost her identity, her life, because of her kids.
Exercising gives you time to yourself, which every mother desperately needs. But working out also boosts the release of endorphins in your brain, which reduces stress and depression. Doing something as simple as taking a brisk walk or jog around the park can change your mood drastically. But aerobics works faster and better. Just don’t overdo it.
Take Personal Time
When you’re so busy taking care of one or multiple children, it can be easy to forget about taking care of yourself too. You spend the majority of your time and energy, keeping your kids alive and healthy. Cleaning the house, caring for the pets, maintaining friendships and personal relationships.
I didn’t realize how often I was forgetting to take proper care of myself until I started canceling date nights and girls’ nights out just to stay home and get a few extra hours of housework done. I was always so tired I didn’t have any energy to put into my appearance. Or my life as a woman rather than a mom.
If you want to be a happy mom, you have to take “me” time. It doesn’t matter if you’re spending fifteen minutes soaking in a hot bath instead of your usual five-minute speed shower. Or if you’re taking an hour to get your nails done and exercise. Each day, find a way to carve out at least ten minutes to indulge in a guilty pleasure, just for you.
Appreciate What You’ve Got
We live in a world of materialism, where you’re often judged by your possessions. It can be easy to feel jealous of someone who has more than you do. For a long time, I used to be envious of moms who had the luxury of taking a shopping spree whenever they wanted. As a mom of four, I often have to watch every penny spent.
But as I got older, I started to realize a few things. For example, I noticed that yeah, these moms looked great in their new clothes. Yet their kids were wearing pants that had rips in the knees and were an inch too short. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not a judgy mom.
When I know my kids are going to be playing outside, I send them out in the rattiest, rundown things they own. Because I don’t want them ruining their good clothes. But when you go through their closet, they’ve got plenty of nice clothes. Hell, they’ve got a better wardrobe than I do. I could spend a ton of money on clothes for myself, but then my children would have less. So, in reality, I could have the same luxuries as other moms, but I choose other priorities instead.
Focus on What You Have
I also realized that these moms were driving around in fancy cars, with the newest iPhone and perfect hair and nails. They take good care of themselves. But when you watch them interacting with their kids after they show up for the last five minutes of a big game, you might realize you have something they don’t.
You have a fan club. Your children are going to be glad that you were there for their whole game. They aren’t going to judge if you’re still wearing the same clothes from your spring cleaning. Who cares about that smudge of dirt on your cheek or that you’re loading up into a five-year-old minivan. To your littles, you are the most beautiful, amazing mom in the world.
Stop caring about the stuff you don’t have. Focus on the things you do. Material objects can make your life easier, but they shouldn’t be valued over your children. When you stop trying to compete as a mom, you start to enjoy your role more. The only people you have to impress are your munchkins. As long as you’re making them happy, who cares what others think. Happy children equal a happy mom.
Accept Who You Are
Society has a way of judging people based on stereotypes. If you eat meat, you’re a murderer. If you avoid all animal products, you’re a lunatic. If you vaccinate your kids, you’re a criminal. If you don’t vaccinate your kids, you’re a killer. There is judgment everywhere you turn.
Mothers can be the worst. You would think you escape cliques when you graduate from school, but unfortunately, many mommy groups are just a continuation of the petty “in” crowd. I’ve had my share of run-ins with mom cliques throughout my years of being a parent to athletes. It never takes me long to get labeled as the “weird mom” or the “lazy mother.” There was even one unfortunate soul who thought it wise to call me a “horrible mom that didn’t deserve to have kids.”
Now, if I had been immature, I would have gotten offended at these insults. How dare anyone insult my parenting. But why should I care what these strangers thought of me? I’m a fantastic mother. All I have to do is watch my kids for proof of that. Being a good parent means knowing how to adapt your parenting skills to meet the needs of your children — not forcing your children to conform to your method of parenting.
Stop Comparing
When you start comparing yourself to other moms, you can easily fool yourself into thinking that you are lacking. You might be envious of the Pinterest moms who seem to have it all together. They’re members of the PTO. They always look perfectly put together, even when they’re wearing workout clothes. And they put together the perfect themed goody bags for every holiday.
If you’re one of these moms, congratulations. But if you’re the type of mom who wears a hoodie and a messy bun four days out of the week when running your kids around town, I’d like to welcome you to the clan of “Motherhood is Chaos. Embrace It.”
Don’t be embarrassed about sending in four boxes of Little Debbie’s snack cakes when it’s your turn for school snack day. Go ahead and buy those store-bought cookies to donate to the bake sale. There is no manual for being a mother. We’re all just winging it. Stop competing with other moms and just do your own thing. You’ll be a lot happier.
Be Happy in the Moment
Before you can be a happy mom, you have to learn how to have happy times. Some days, happiness will come naturally. On other days, you could be so overwhelmed that it’s hard to find anything to be pleased about. Just because you’re a mother doesn’t mean you aren’t human. We all have good days and bad. If you want to be a happy mom, use my tips to start living a happy life. The rest will fall into place. Happy mom’ ing!