Around the time when your child turns into a teenager, they’ll often go through several rebellious stages. They might defy your wishes, sneak out, change their appearance, or otherwise act out, and this can last for months or years. Losing their performance in school can come about because of this rebellious phase, or it can come about because of other factors.
Regardless of why your teenager is behind in school, it’s vital that you step in and assist them or motivate them to do better if you can. After all, the things they learn in school will follow them for the rest of their lives. In this article, we’ll give you some tips on motivating your teenager, and we’ll delve into why it’s important, as well.
Getting Involved
Some children are naturally academic. They feel the desire to learn and excel in school without the extra urging of a parent or guardian. For some, this extends through their whole academic career, and they do very well. However, this isn’t the case with all children, and certainly not with all teenagers. However, if you want to encourage this mentality in your children, it’s essential to promote it from an early age.
Even if you miss the chance to start building this academic mindset when they’re young, getting involved with your teenager’s academics can help, too. While you’ll have a more difficult time the longer you wait, all is not lost. Your children will inherit much of their work ethic from you; if you stress that doing homework and studying is important, this will eventually get through to your child.
This is why waiting longer makes it more challenging to teach academics and diligence to your teenager as they grow. If they’re already in a rebellious phase, you’ll have that to deal with on top of not desiring to do their homework. However, your teenager’s desire to be treated as an adult and given space can work to your advantage this way.
To start, don’t treat your teenager like a child. Don’t interrogate them or make them feel like a child who’s being punished. Instead, converse with them as you would with any other adult you respect. Let them know that you’re available to help answer questions and that you’re available to help with their homework if they so desire. Converse with them about school, but be wary if they become annoyed with the questioning.
Get involved with your teenager’s school, too. Teachers are a wealth of information about your child’s progress and can help you keep tabs on their performance. Don’t use the information you find to interrogate your child, as we said, but adapt your own strategies based on what you find out. Many schools now allow you to monitor your teenager’s grades online, too.
School websites can also provide some of the following resources:
- School calendars of events
- Contact info for staff
- Test dates
- Sign-up information for extracurricular activities
- Student and family resources
The trick for successfully getting involved in your teenager’s schooling is to do so in a way that makes them feel respected. At times, this can feel like you’re tip-toeing around them, but doing so will inevitably garner you better results. Use force or threats with your teenager only as a last resort, as this can cause them to rebel even more.
However, this doesn’t mean that you should pay them less attention – far from it, actually. Instead of using that extra attention to punish and enforce rules around them, however, just keep tabs on their work and their progress. Intervene if you need to, but try to steer your teen subtly in the correct direction instead. Additionally, they should always know that you’re available to help them if they need it, but don’t push your presence on them, either.
Time Management
Time management is a skill that different teens learn at different paces. It is, however, something that they would benefit from learning in high school rather than later – the sooner, the better. Unfortunately, though, it’s something that many teens struggle with, especially with the plethora of electronic distractions available to them today.
There are various ways to help encourage time management in your teenager, and good time management skills will almost assuredly help them excel in school. It just so happens that extracurricular activities such as sports, after-school clubs, and jobs help with this.
Most parents think that these activities will take away from the time their teenager has to do homework, but it’s just the opposite. When a teenager has multiple activities going on after school, they have to think and plan when they’ll do their homework and study. Rather than impeding their homework, extracurricular activities actually help.
These other things can help your child develop their time management skills, too:
- Better organization of homework and studying materials
- Electronics-free time
- Good study habits
- Keeping a homework planner
- Good sleep habits
Special time without the influence of electronics can be especially crucial in helping young teenagers manage their homework time. Electronics like computers, game consoles, smartphones, and tablets can quickly eat up hours of their time that they never meant to waste. As such, it’s vital to help them set up electronics-free time until they can manage it themselves.
If you’re not looking to restrict your teenager’s electronics time heavily, try setting aside an hour or two for school work time every day when all other distractions are out of the question. This includes electronics, of course, as well as any other games or activities besides homework that your teenager might be interested in doing. Doing this is a great way to cut down on electronics time without coming across as overbearing.
In order to have your teenager accept their new study time, it’s imperative to turn it into a family-wide activity to promote their acceptance. Make it so each member of the family spends that hour or two doing work of some kind every day. Having everyone come to the dinner table, for example, to work quietly together is a great way to do this.
Fair Isn’t Always Equal
Motivating your teenager to do well in school can be exponentially more difficult if you have other children who need different amounts of academic help. It should always be your goal to keep your treatment of your children as fair as possible, and they should all receive the same basic privileges, but depending on how your teenager acts, that treatment may need to be personalized.
If you have two children, for example, but the younger child does much better in school than the older teenager, you may need to spend more time working with the teen. This might embarrass or offend your teenager, so it’s essential to explain that fair treatment of all your children doesn’t always mean equal treatment.
If your other child is capable of disciplining themselves and maintaining good grades on their own, make sure to explain this to your teenager, but also that you’re just as there for your other child as you are for them. Just because your other child doesn’t ask you for help as much as your teenager doesn’t mean your help is offered any less.
This can be true for the teenager’s classmates, too. Some of their schoolmates and friends might brag about not needing to study or only needing a few minutes to complete their classwork. Every mind works differently, and just because this is the case for your teenager doesn’t mean that they are any less intelligent or unique than their classmates.
If your teenager is embarrassed by his or her grades, make sure to relay to them that grades and test scores aren’t everything, too. While learning the concepts that will follow them for the rest of their lives is important, being tested on those doesn’t necessarily show the depth of the teen’s learning or understanding, either. Some students just don’t do well with tests. Make sure they know you understand this.
The “Cool” Factor
In many high schools, working hard to do well is considered less “cool” than intentionally letting your grades slip and not caring. While this stigma is changing every day, it’s still important to relay to your teenager that doing well in school is something to be proud of, not ashamed of.
Securing the means to make their future dreams a reality should always be something to be proud of, but many teenagers find it difficult to look beyond tomorrow, let alone several years ahead. It’s crucial that you emphasize what they’re throwing away by trying to be “cool.”
Try proposing some of these ideas to your teenager that they might find cool enough to balance out the un-coolness of working hard in school:
- Getting the job of their dreams when they graduate (from high school or college)
- Being able to get a well-paying job right away
- Getting a better job than all their “cool” classmates
- Getting into better colleges than their classmates
If your teenager is looking to be “cool,” suggesting alternatives like those we listed above can be an excellent strategy to dissuade them from slacking in school.
Bargaining Chips
When a child responds to little else, bargaining can sometimes be a reliable route to go down. This can be especially effective if your child hasn’t been living up to your expectations of them in school lately, as well. While, as we’ve mentioned, it’s essential to not over-pressure your child, taking away privileges and toys when they don’t do well on a test or assignment is a beneficial tactic to employ.
When you take away a privilege because of your child or teen’s behavior, their first reaction will likely be that it’s “not fair.” However, it’s imperative to teach them that their choices have consequences. Rather than saving them from failing, which will not teach them about consequences, have them deal with the aftermath of their own mistakes after they happen.
If your teenager needs to deal with their own mistakes, logic follows that they’ll be less likely to make the same mistake again if they dislike the result. Taking away a desirable privilege or toy, of course, is an undesirable result, so a teenager will likely work to remedy the situation once they calm down. This is where bargaining can start to come into play.
If your child has been using too much of their time playing video games, for example, and their grade falls from a B to a C, consider taking away their game or console just until they get their grade back up. This way, it’s clear that the teen’s actions brought about the situation, so they’ll have to deal with results of their own making. However, there’s an easy way out that will motivate them both to do better and avoid the same situation in the future, too.
Many different privileges can be used as bargaining chips, but the following are particularly effective:
- Time out with friends
- A stricter curfew
- Anything electronic (i.e., smartphones, game consoles, and computers)
- Television privileges
- Use of the car
- Something they want, such as a new pet or toy
However, be aware that it’s important to reward effort just as much as it’s important to reward results. If you and your teenager’s goal is to work for an A in a class that they have a D in, then they should be rewarded for progress in the right direction, too. Once that D becomes a C and then a B, for example, they should receive some sort of reward, recognition, or praise.
It’s essential to recognize that setbacks will be a part of your work with your teenager, too. This will happen from time to time as they become complacent, stop working as hard or paying attention, or just make mistakes. If it’s clear that they’ve lost care in their goals, it may be time to retake certain privileges. However, if they’re showing genuine effort and make a mistake for which they show true remorse, taking a privilege away may not be appropriate.
In any case, the best thing to do is to employ strategies that work for you and your teenager. No two are alike, and as such, no two teenagers will benefit from the same strategy. You may need to try several different methods before you find the one that works best for both of you.
The Big Picture
Like we touched on earlier, teenagers often have trouble looking far into the future. For them, school seems to creep by so slowly that the time when they will need to get a job or enter college seems miles away. As such, maintaining good grades or learning important concepts may feel much less important to them than it does to you. However, there are ways to nurture this understanding in them.
To begin, try turning your teenager’s eyes to the future. Does your teenager enjoy working with animals? If they do, get them thinking about what kinds of jobs they’d like to have to follow that passion. What type of education will they need to land that dream job of theirs? A veterinarian, for example, requires several more years of schooling than, say, a worker at a pet shelter.
Depending on how high your teenager is aiming in the future, appealing to a future job may garner varying amounts of success. If they’re only looking to volunteer at a pet shelter, for example, they don’t especially need a significant amount of schooling. However, if they hope to take over that same shelter one day, they will want a certain degree of knowledge in business, which requires math and English proficiency.
However, don’t let your child’s future prospects completely overwhelm you or them, either. Regardless of whether your teenager does well in school or not, there will be job prospects out there that line up with some of their non-academic traits. If they love working with electronics, for example, trade work as an electrician may suit them well.
Doing well in school will always grant your teenager their greatest chance of success, however, and it’s important to emphasize this to them. But all the same, don’t forget to help them develop their non-academic traits as well. Emotional, social, and creative development are just as important as academic development to your teenager’s future.
Communicate
Open, clear communication with your teenager is worth its weight in gold, especially as they grow through their own unique rebellious phases. It should always be your goal to maintain this sort of communication with your teen, no matter what the topic’s about. Your teenager should feel comfortable communicating with you about:
- Issues with teachers
- Anxiety
- Feeling depressed
- Peer pressure
- Difficulty with concepts or subjects
- Their thoughts about ideas and stories
If you can’t communicate openly with your child, you have no way of knowing whether their problems in school have to do with the concepts themselves, the style of the teacher teaching them, or other, less-obvious issues, like bullying or anxiety. After all, bad performance in school isn’t always related to not understanding the concepts.
However, cultivating an open line of communication like this takes time and trust between parent and child. It may not be something that you can put into practice right away with your child; more often than not, this approach is only viable if the parent has been doing it from the beginning.
If this isn’t an option for you and your teenager, let them know that you’re there for them if they need, but don’t rely on them to tell you if an issue arises. Instead, keep tabs on how they’re doing through some of the methods we mentioned above, but don’t pressure them about it. Monitor their progress, but direct it as little as possible. If you need to step in, you can, but try to let them handle their own issues (and their own consequences).
If your child is having a concerning amount of trouble with one of the above issues, it may be time to step in and have a heart-to-heart with them. When a parent understands a teenager’s situation – we were all there at one point, after all – it can make them feel much more secure. Pull them aside gently and offer some advice on remedying whatever situation they’re in. If you must step in, try to without letting your teenager know you’ve done so.
One of the best benefits of maintaining this honest communication with your teenager is that they may eventually choose to embrace that avenue to talk to you, too. As any parent with a teenager knows, you can’t force them to talk to you. However, they may come to you of their own accord if they feel comfortable. Make sure to set up an environment where they can do so if they choose, but don’t force it.
Celebrate Their Strengths
No two teenagers will have the same two strengths, let alone academic ones. When a teenager struggles in school, it may not be as simple as trying or not trying to get a good grade. If a teenager struggles with one particular subject (or several), the progress they make in that subject should always be celebrated, regardless of whether they get an A or a C.
In the same way, whenever a student finds something that they excel in, especially if it’s more so than their fellow students, they’ll likely take great pride in it, even if they try not to show it. As a caring parent, you should praise your teenager for doing so well in whatever it is they’ve found, and you should celebrate this newfound strength whenever you can.
Parents need to help their teenagers shore up their weaknesses, too. In time, if a parent and child spend enough time working on one subject, it may turn from a weakness into a strength! Think of how exchange students can often do well in English, even if they’ve learned it as a second language. They just need to work harder than those around them to get it right.
Also, remember to never give up when your student fails at something or gets set back. Regardless of whether it was your teenager’s fault or not, they need to know that you support them in their quest to try again, no matter how badly they failed. Knowing that they have your support and encouragement as their parent can mean a lot to a teenager, even if they have trouble showing it.
Beware Double Standards
Beware of double standards when working with your teenager! If your teen doesn’t see that you yourself live up to the standards you’ve been holding them to, they will be far less likely to trust you or follow your directions. Teenager age is a sensitive, impressionable time in your child’s life when they will make judgments on many of those around them, and you are one of them!
Likewise, if you make a mistake in your work or your own schooling, you should hold yourself to the same punishment standards as your child. If your child gets their electronics taken from them at bedtime, yours should also be turned off at bedtime. Not doing so will only promote discontent between you and your child. If you aren’t prepared to follow the standards you’re setting for your child, you shouldn’t set any at all.
In the same way, you can’t make excuses for how your child performs in school. If they failed because of a lack of effort on their part, they (and you) need to face the consequences for that. Don’t intervene on their part or make excuses for them, as this will not solve any of your child’s motivation problems in the end. In all likelihood, it will probably make them worse.
Don’t make excuses for your child, but keep your expectations reasonable, too. If you know your teenager can excel at school, you should hold them to that standard, since you know they can do it. However, if your teenager has trouble with school, be proud of the B’s and C’s that they’re likely to bring home, especially if they did their best in the process.
Conclusion
Your child’s teenage years will be a tough time for them, and the academic struggles that they will inevitably face don’t make this any easier. However, you can be there for more than just their academic struggles; as long as they know you’re available and willing to assist, they might come to you with greater issues, like peer pressure or bullying, too.
It should always be your aim to foster this sort of relationship with your teenager, but each one is different. As long as you give your teenager the proper attention, space, and respect that they deserve, the two of you will eventually find a comfortable “rhythm” of sorts for helping each other. Even if your teenager isn’t an adult yet, if you treat them with respect and deference like one, you may see some very rewarding results!